A picture of me

Something I've learned is that you don't love and connect with people because of who they are; you don't often find people you magically feel close to or interested in right at the beginning. You can't hold out for that.

You love and connect with people because... you love and connect with them. The more time you spend, the more you share about yourself, the more moments you have together- relationships will usually become deep and meaningful as a result, almost regardless of where they started. If you ask questions that tug on the threads of a person's life, you'll find that almost everyone is interesting. If you take a leap and invest time and energy in people, you'll find life-giving connection you didn't even know could have been there.

It can be hard to bootstrap this process. Like financial poverty, it takes energy to invest in the interactions that eventually lift you out of the lack of energy, which can be a catch-22. But the advice is the same: scrimp and save at first, and then spend strategically until you can get the flywheel going.

But I can almost guarantee that the boundary you're facing is your own shortage of energy, not a shortage of opportunities for connection. Not to trivialize that; it's still a hard place to be in. But I think it would be more productive to re-frame things as such.

Re: A picture of me

#8

Post by noduerme » Sat, Jun 25, 2022, 8:58 PM UTC

>> I cannot take seriously all these fleeting pastimes and bucket lists and ultra-specific cultural critiques when the world is a horrible place that is going to implode soon if we don't do something about it.

This seems to preemptively foreclose interest in any kind of initial conversation or meeting anyone where they are. And does so because there's something more important. Everything everyone does is a waste of time because the world is imploding and we should be doing something about it.

Well, what's the author doing about it? Volunteering? They might meet people they wanted to talk to, even agreed with and could have serious conversations about non-ephemeral things with, if they spent some time trying to be part of the solution, by helping any of literally thousands of organizations that could make use of their time and energy to try to prevent or reduce the severity of an implosion.

Otherwise how is sitting around feeling sorry for yourself any more noble than people doing their bucket lists or having stupid surface level conversations?

Re: A picture of me

#9

Post by Xeoncross » Sat, Jun 25, 2022, 9:00 PM UTC

The interesting thing about life is that you get to choose what you love. That is, what you spend your time and energy on is what you end up loving. Please don't misunderstand me, there is more to it than that. However, there is an attachment that forms when you "invest" in something. You're now substantially more interested in that thing.

Love is the process of sacrificing for something. Spending your time, money, or emotions on one thing instead of everything else. It's a cycle that feeds itself.

The less time you spend with people, the less you love people. The more time you spend on your project, the more you love your projects.

You nailed it at the end. You and me "just needed to love" people more. Lets start by spending more time and energy on them.

Re: A picture of me

#10

Post by darkerside » Sat, Jun 25, 2022, 9:04 PM UTC

I have been down this path before. The author might benefit from a healthy dose of Stoicism. Yes, everything is imploding. It always has and it always will be. Yes, nobody truly understands you, and we're all putting on a show to make it through the day. That doesn't mean there isn't something real that has value in this facade of a fleeting existence.

You can shut the world out if you like, but it is your choice. You can engage with it in all its horrid imperfection, and it will engage you back. Not on your terms but on its own.