Sex is going out of fashion? • Hacker News Board

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#531

Post by pengaru » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:05 PM UTC

When I started messing around (the 90s), all my partners were on the pill since high school and HPV wasn't even in their vocabulary.

We had access to porn on VHS and for us nerds via BBSes/dialup, if anything that just increased the drive to find the real thing. You don't lose interest in eating your dinner just because you saw pictures of it on the menu when ordering. Especially when it's still all totally new experiences and hormones are raging.

But what was also true in the 90s was men still largely controlled access to resources. That alone puts significant pressure on women to subject themselves to men, just to have people to drive them around and take them out to dinner or on vacations, or pay the rent in a first apartment. Combine that with a seemingly total ignorance of facts like practically all cervical cancers are caused by HPV, and casual sex can easily be common.

Today it's very different. Just the other day I read an article about GEICO being sued for their insured negligently giving a woman HPV during car sex [0]. I have the impression that women are simply better educated and have better options today, and that's A Good Thing.

Having said that though, the last time I tried online dating, which was before it all pivoted to mobile, the few dates I went on were very obviously women seeking free dinners. So at least within my age group, things seemed to still be more of the same in that regard.

[0] https://www.npr.org/2022/06/10/1104134521/geico-lawsuit-std-...

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#532

Post by rowanG077 » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:06 PM UTC

heretogetout wrote: post #518

rowanG077 wrote: post #479

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not "my" movement. I was triggered by someone saying it is a hate movement when this was not my impression. I just went back using the wayback machine to a random page from 2015: http://web.archive.org/web/20150813192410/https://www.reddit... There doesn't seem to be any weird stuff there but I'm not a social scientist so I will have to take your word for it. I'm not so invested to start a heated discussion abou…

If you go forward a few days or months you will start to see rabid hatred of women pop up from time to time. Frequently enough for the sub to earn its reputation.

From time to time is very different from being a hate movement. In any large group of people weird stuff pops up from time to time. I think you can only classify something as a hate movement if the hate is inherent to the large majority that make up the group, which didn't used to be the case for MGTOW.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#533

Post by MisterBastahrd » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:10 PM UTC

throwaway2037 wrote: post #397

prmoustache wrote: post #323

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well you can't really get laid if you spend day and night playing video games and binge watching series. Every time I broke up I was mildly welcoming some time for myself but never managed to be single more than a handful of weeks. And I don't consider myself particularly more attractive/interesting than everybody out there.

I don't play video games, and I don't binge watch series, but why would this exlude women/gender-non-binary? They can and do enjoy both. And they could enjoy both with someone else. After all, what is the meaning of "Netflix and Chill"? I know many women who wish to do the same with another person, and that person need not look like Brad Pitt, et al. Perhaps I am reading too deep, but you make it sound like someone n…

Low energy people are inherently boring. The vast majority of people would rather have a SO with some sort of interest than someone who just sits around passing time while the world moves on without them. Most folks require the freedom to be alone at times for their own sanity's sake. Being a complete homebody who does nothing but sit at home all the time deprives both parties independence of action and thought. It's not healthy.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#534

Post by antiverse » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:11 PM UTC

hellisothers wrote: post #491

davidktr wrote: post #477

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All of this so much. My problem though is that I just don't know which IRL community to join. I've tried a few, it was not for me. Our hackerspace is heavily into identity politics, which I'm not. So I end up reading books, which is fine too I guess. I'm just not really part of society.

I’m also going through this and there are a lot of (weird) spaces out there, latest example: archery club. I’m currently looking into what it takes to break into 24h of Lemons which is dirt cheap amateur car racing and partying with nerds who like cars.

>24h of Lemons

Completely gratuitous comment, but thanks for this. I'm in tears.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#535

Post by antiverse » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:14 PM UTC

40acres wrote: post #264

*In the west. I think gender equality may be a big culprit. Take the US for example: women will dominate the college educated class soon if they haven't already, and with that economic freedom comes more optionality in choosing a partner, there are more choices to be had and there will be a self selection of the most desirable men (typically college educated as it correlates to income). This is not to blame women in…

>there are more choices to be had and there will be a self selection of the most desirable men

Not more, but less.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#536

Post by eropple » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:14 PM UTC

Minor49er wrote: post #481

eropple wrote: post #365

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's never what the MGTOW people asserted in any serious way. From the jump it was "the world is 'sexually prejudiced' against us men [or capital-M Men when they were being extra weird] and so we should separate from it entirely." It immediately leapt right into what would today be called "cope" how even if you do get married she'll just divorce you for a studly chad and take all your stuff, the fear of feminists (…

I always got the feeling that MGTOW was nonpartisan, or rather, apolitical at their core

Most right-wing movements of which I am aware would definitely like to be seen as apolitical (and thus reduce the critical eye aimed at them). But the line you can draw from there (and similarly from "apolitical" rage-movements like GamerGate) to the current state of things is a straight one.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#537

Post by enobrev » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:15 PM UTC

wonderwonder wrote: post #395

Wonder if this is related to the lack of personal relationships in general, especially friendships. There is an epidemic of loneliness in the world. So many ways to communicate and all we can do is post memes and upvote influencers. I am happily married but have zero friends. I met my wife through my friend group in college. If I heaven forbid got a divorce tomorrow, not sure where I would meet someone new. Guess I w…

I think remote work has an enormous effect on this. I've been working remotely for over 20 years and this is one of the biggest reasons I've remained in major cities throughout. Don't get me wrong, I _love_ the city, but more importantly, without the city, I would have almost no in-person social life. I wouldn't have met my wife, or all the friends I've made over the years - most of whom don't really know what I do for a living.

I've found that I prefer this life - where I choose my friends rather than having acquaintances thrust upon me by my occupation, as they were in school.

I'm hoping that with a shift to significantly more remote work, the options open up for more ways to meet people outside of work - which is seriously one of the _worst_ ways to meet people; Especially in a romantic sense.

It's become more of our own responsibility to meet people. That can be hard. But it also means that we can be more selective about the kind of people we meet. Don't like talking about work? Don't meet people who do what you do. Don't like to drink? Find meet-ups where alcohol isn't the main event. Love [whatever]? Find [whatever]. Cities tend to be great for this.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#538

Post by corrral » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:17 PM UTC

BlargMcLarg wrote: post #173

fttx_ wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't believe that's it. Plenty of men in relationships with a "willing partner" use heaps of porn, and in many circumstances prefer using porn to sex. And yes, having _sex_ is only a swipe away for women. But having decent sex that you enjoy and is another matter altogether. And that's before thinking about safety. If I was looking for reasons why fewer women seem to be into porn, I'd say it's because the vast maj…

You need to put more nuance on what a "willing partner" means, as it's incredibly important. Many stories I hear regarding "willing partner left aside for porn" boil down to a passive person expecting their partner to just pick up on clues while having a history of being denied and making zero effort to overcome it. Or worse, a passive, submissive person expecting men to just push their way through any resistance and…

> Or worse, a passive, submissive person expecting men to just push their way through any resistance and keep trying, when men are actively taught to respect a woman's boundaries.

Not to go into too much detail, but I've had to seriously recalibrate my "respect women" upbringing to make my wife happy. And I'm not even talking sub/dom stuff or outright rape-fantasy things like I've heard tell of from my (somewhat shell-shocked) unattached and actively-dating friends.

Sex is weird.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#539

Post by guerrilla » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:19 PM UTC

rurp wrote: post #473

scarmig wrote: post #301

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a bit too conspiratorial: I've spoken to people who work at these companies, and there's not a team of analysts trying to figure out how to minimize the number of successful relationships that come from using the app. An app that has a reputation for "I met my last partner on X, and we're getting married next week!" will get far more users and recurring revenue through word of mouth. The bigger issue is that…

> This is a bit too conspiratorial: I've spoken to people who work at these companies, and there's not a team of analysts trying to figure out how to minimize the number of successful relationships that come from using the app. I think the effect can be true without anyone having ill intent. The dating app companies are generally trying to make as much money as they can, which will indrectly lead to decisions that op…

> which will indrectly lead to decisions that optimize for serial dating.

I mean even OKCupid is being turned into Tinder, so it might not be so indirect after all.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#540

Post by imtringued » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 5:21 PM UTC

UkrainianJew wrote: post #464

40acres wrote: post #264

*In the west. I think gender equality may be a big culprit. Take the US for example: women will dominate the college educated class soon if they haven't already, and with that economic freedom comes more optionality in choosing a partner, there are more choices to be had and there will be a self selection of the most desirable men (typically college educated as it correlates to income). This is not to blame women in…

You are forgetting the strong anti-male sentiment throughout the education system. Toxic masculinity this, male privilege that. Women get graduated thinking that investing your time in your own family and kids is slavery, but living paycheck-to-paycheck in a rented condo, ready to be laid off on a whim is true freedom.

Yes, it is quite paradoxical. They argue for equality but then you become the very thing that oppresses you. I would have wished for an overall increase in freedom.