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Sex is going out of fashion?

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Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#441

Post by _fat_santa »

michaelbrooks wrote: post #106

I'd say the explosion of mental health and anxiety is playing a huge part in it as well. My wife and I would have a child if we knew we were stable and able to look after them properly. Also, with the wars, global warming and everything else that's happening right now, why would you want to bring a child into this?

> Also, with the wars, global warming and everything else that's happening right now,

My thinking is there will always be something. Our parents could have said the same thing about Vietnam and the Cold War. My litmus test is: "is this issue affecting you". Global warming and wars may make you anxious when reading the news, but does it _actually_ affect your life.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#442

Post by Kye »

R0b0t1 wrote: post #144
dpz wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is very un fun, one of the big things I've noticed is online dating is very different experience for men and women. Both have their negatives and positives, but it create a weird dynamic of how people date.

I think it is more than fair to just say men have it worse in regards to online dating.

I can't imagine being bombarded with messages from horny and desperate men is a great time.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#443

Post by chrischen »

The article explores the negatives but maybe not enough on the potential positives.

Potential benefits: 1) Fewer forced relationships based on the need for physical gratification 2) better adjusted next generation of kids as a result of fewer unwanted pregnancies and fewer divorces 3) lower birth rate (solve over-population) related issues

Recent study of identical twins where one was raised in the US in a broken family resulted in a lower IQ: https://news.yahoo.com/identical-twins-raised-apart-korea-18...

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#444

Post by vgel »

freiherr wrote: post #331

Ignoring the content, the writing style was extremely annoying. Anyone else with similar feelings?

Yeah this was insufferable. I can only hope it was upvoted to talk about the subject and not for what the author actually said (the one time I'm glad for this bad habit of HN's).

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#445

Post by ianbutler »

Honestly lack of in person time with anyone to meet kills it for me. Online dating sucks and I’m a reasonably attractive 28yo guy it just feels entirely artificial and chemistry over text is non existent for me.

I had a bad relationship that I was finally over in 2019 and then the pandemic hit so online was really the only option which meant I wasn’t picking anyone up for sex. I recently went to California for a vacation and within the first day of being around people I had a date lined up.

I think it’s the same for a lot of guys at least, no in person time means no sex because online dating is ridiculously uncomfortable/unnatural.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#447

Post by symlinkk »

hemloc_io wrote: post #435
3qz wrote: post #404

The harsh reality is that around 30% of men are completely unfuckable. They only got action because women needed to be married because they couldn’t support themselves. Ugly men have 0 value in the dating market beyond money.

I really just don’t believe that Even in like 2000s when this trend started? I was a kid so maybe it was harder for women then but really? There are lots of ugly women too, who are they going to date?

Ugly women can get laid as much as they want on dating apps

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#448

Post by sgtnoodle »

dayvid wrote: post #231
orangepurple wrote: post #75

95% of Tinder swipes by women are passes compared to 47% for men. Women tend to date up. Online dating apps are rigged for men. These apps are search engines optimized to match women with the top 5% of men. These apps are designed for women. Being average or even above average will almost never result in a date. Tinder was designed like a slot machine which will ruin your self-esteem from constant rejection but your…

I liked OkCupid a lot more than Tinder. You could write more about yourself and personality played more of a role in matching. I had an ex out of OkCupid. Tinder on the other hand values looks over everything and Bumble feels like LinkedIn dating. A pessimistic part of me feels like people are optimizing their personalities and lives to be Tinder or Bumble successful. Focusing on cool photos, looks and having a nice…

As a guy, OkCupid was pretty much a complete waste of time for me. The only date I readily remember going on, the woman showed up 1.5 hours late for lunch, absolutely reeked of flower perfume, and brought up astrology as a topic in a non-flirty way. Oh, there was also a woman with a toddler that was ready for me to be her baby's daddy by the 3rd date.

I dug up some SLR photos of me with buzz cut hair and a nice shirt, and tried out Tinder. I actually went out on some quality dates once in a while. It was even then still a time sink, and after thinking through the algorithm a bit, I started just blindly swiping right. A month or so later I was in a relationship with my eventual wife.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#449

Post by arolihas »

_fat_santa wrote: post #441
michaelbrooks wrote: post #106

I'd say the explosion of mental health and anxiety is playing a huge part in it as well. My wife and I would have a child if we knew we were stable and able to look after them properly. Also, with the wars, global warming and everything else that's happening right now, why would you want to bring a child into this?

> Also, with the wars, global warming and everything else that's happening right now, My thinking is there will always be something. Our parents could have said the same thing about Vietnam and the Cold War. My litmus test is: "is this issue affecting you". Global warming and wars may make you anxious when reading the news, but does it _actually_ affect your life.

You can't just dismiss global events with long term consequences because they don't appear to have an immediate and direct impact on your life.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#450

Post by Teknoman117 »

CalRobert wrote: post #415
wonderwonder wrote: post #395

Wonder if this is related to the lack of personal relationships in general, especially friendships. There is an epidemic of loneliness in the world. So many ways to communicate and all we can do is post memes and upvote influencers. I am happily married but have zero friends. I met my wife through my friend group in college. If I heaven forbid got a divorce tomorrow, not sure where I would meet someone new. Guess I w…

Three years ago a HN user named Dexwiz wrote something that hit me hard. I'd felt this, but I never saw it put in to words so well. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20470085 """ The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom. The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in thin…

I ended up choosing to move closer to friends.

I saw them "virtually" for the first 4 years of my career because I was the one who left, but then the pandemic happened. Lived with my parents for the first two years of it so I'd have someone to talk to, but the fully remote work life either changed me or gave me new perspective.

Maybe it was going into the pandemic having just turned 27 and spending the previous year having a blast and coming out of it having the "almost 30" anxiety, but after the vaccines I started seeing friends regularly I hadn't seen in years. Eventually decided to just stay back. My employer had an office up here so I "transferred" even though I'm still by and large a remote employee.

I stayed inside playing video games for a number of reasons as my primary hobby during the first few years out of college. It was mainly me being depressed about not having any physically local friends, unfounded health anxiety, etc. Either way, 2019 (age 26) felt like a new dawn. I started making drastically more money, I started travelling - sometimes alone and sometimes with friends, etc. Started going to meetups. Then the damn pandemic. Next two years locked inside. Then I started regretting all those weekends spent inside.

So I got an apartment with an old college buddy around a dozen or more friends and am finally having a good time again. Not going to use video games as a replacement for a real social life. I'll keep playing them with remote friends, but it's a supplement to a healthy social life, rather than the only outlet.

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