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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#261

Post by pessimizer »

refulgentis wrote: post #135
Etheryte wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure where you're from, but dating as a concept is a very widely spread phenomenon and it isn't some kind of an Americanism.

I'm Muslim, I know where OP is coming from, but...the HN thread where people vigorously debated whether the idea of interacting with people they might eventually have romantic interest in is "American" is a top 10 HN moment for me, and I've been here 14 years.

I'm interacting with you now. Are we on a date?

Dating is a ritual interaction, it's not just term for any interaction. A tell that it is new is that the name is meaningless; it's just a term for an appointment that got wrapped up in a bunch of connotations that became denotations. Also see "go out" or "go with."

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#262

Post by 7373737373 »

zozbot234 wrote: post #217
charlie0 wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This. I've traveled to South America and without exception, there was always at least a town square or something similar where people can congregate. Many times there are music events or other types of festivities on the weekends and cheap vendors with wares or selling a quick bite of food. In this type of environment, it's a lot easier to say hello and even chat with strangers. Kids can go play with other kids. It's…

In America, congregating in a public place for no outwardly visible purpose is called "loitering" and comes with a built-in assumption that you must be up to no good somehow. The signs of a thoroughly broken society.

I was amazed by how many "NO LOITERING" signs I saw. There might be some interesting statistics in the signs a nation buys...

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#263

Post by pessimizer »

stjohnswarts wrote: post #106
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

What culture doesn't have a way to meet up with potential partners? Unless they have some substitute like arranged marriages this doesn't bode well for the country however. I mean if people don't have kids then the species is all dead in 3 generations or so. However if they're making up for it in their 30s and 40s it's fine.

You can have people in your life that you never intentionally make an appointment to eat food together alone with. You can eventually marry those people and have children with them, having never had a "date."

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#264

Post by ALittleLight »

alphabettsy wrote: post #166
randomdata wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The well-off in North America stopped having kids because it has become socially unacceptable do so; at least in youth. The young "rural hick" mother is the canonical image young women are told they must not become. We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate. Having children is something well-off people have come to f…

> We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate. You don’t see any issue with people who haven’t even completed high school having children?

It certainly seems like it would have a ton of challenges, but also pros, and, in a good family, seems quite manageable.

For example, my mother in law had children as a young teen. She advised her daughters against doing that, but she also had a bad family that didn't support her. She had five kids, the youngest, now 30, cumulatively, have fewer kids than she did. One example, of a benefit to having kids young, is fecundity.

My mother in law is also younger and can help with the grandkids more and can spend more time with them. Your late teens and twenties you're better about to function on low or interrupted sleep and keep up with a rambunctious little one. A young parent will likely be closer, in an experiential sense, to their children and that may lead to a closer relationship.

The challenges - mainly not being ready emotionally or financially, seem like the kind of thing that having a supportive family would address. If my children were to get pregnant at, say, fifteen, I'd expect to be the one financially responsible (or share the responsibility with the other grandparents) and same for childcare. I would expect to hand that responsibility over to the parents over the course of a decade or so.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#265

Post by cstrahan »

treis wrote: post #236
zozbot234 wrote: post #217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In America, congregating in a public place for no outwardly visible purpose is called "loitering" and comes with a built-in assumption that you must be up to no good somehow. The signs of a thoroughly broken society.

This is ridiculous. Parks in my city are full of people just hanging out.

I think location is important.

In D.C. or N.Y. it's completely normal to meet people dancing to a drum circle in the park, or join people in acro-yoga, slack-lining, bocce ball or whatever. There's a visceral feeling of inclusivity and positive vibes.

In my home town of Dallas, Texas, you're looked at with suspicion if you approach strangers at a park. And unlike the picture I depicted above, small friend groups cluster together with ample space between them and the next group of friends/family. Also, people aren't doing much of anything, aside from eating or talking amongst people they know. If we look at the bar scene, the assumption is that you have no friends if you show up solo. If you want to meet new people you practically have to join something recurring and structured like a Meetup (which is nice in that it at least selects for people open to meeting new people) or join a amateur sports team (kickball, volleyball, etc).

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#266

Post by dfxm12 »

zdragnar wrote: post #237
sbf501 wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Similar. It is very common to hear the right side of US politics claim poor minority women have multiple children just to get "free stuff" from the government, yet the same folks also want to make abortion illegal. Some people even claim the government will pay for your child if you are completely poor. The lies are astonishing, but the racism is necessary for their populist political message to work.

I once had a man try to sell me his food stamps at a grocery store while his little kid was running up and down the aisle. He was the second person that day who tried to sell me his stamps (both offered roughly $100 worth for $80 cash, iirc). I'm not against food stamps at all, and at one point came close to being on them myself. I don't judge people for needing assistance. When you see such flagrant abuses of the sy…

If you were on SNAP, you might have had some understanding around how much of a hassle it is. The list of things you can't buy is mystifying. $100 in raw chicken vs $80 to go towards hot meals, Advil and dog food might be a valid trade off when you have to watch over a kid who runs around a lot.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#267

Post by globular-toast »

bradlys wrote: post #143
willcipriano wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mens value in the dating marketplace goes up over time. If you are relatively sane, sober and employed around 28, mother nature helps you out with her biological alarm clock. Keep your head up, it's going to get easier from here on out.

As someone who did get older and went through this - it does not get better. Your hair doesn’t suddenly get thicker. The pounds don’t suddenly become easier to keep off. Your skin doesn’t tighten. Your complexion doesn’t smoothen out. It gets worse. This is just copium we give to men to make them think it gets better. The stats show that it doesn’t get better . If you’re single now and have never been on a date - the…

The thing is a man's attractiveness is not one-dimensional. We all know that one guy who does well despite not being physically attractive. But if you're talking about online dating only then you are probably right. Online dating isn't really good for us.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#268

Post by sentirist »

Veen wrote: post #241
dragonwriter wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’ve just described exactly what “dating” in the American sense means, so it seems the only thing you have a problem with is the word to describe the overall process.

It seems to me a different experience to what I've seen in American movies or observed with American friends. There's less formality and expectation. There's no progression from first date to second date and so on. You start the "dating" part once you're pretty sure you really want to spend time with someone, i.e. you're fairly confident it's a relationship that's going somewhere before you start "dating". It's less…

American romantic comedies have nothing to do with reality. As realistic as the beautiful people playing the leading roles being romantically unwanted.

There really is no "dating" part in America. You either go on dates or you are in a relationship. If anything, if you are "dating" someone it means you are seeing other people on other dates as well.

We really use the word "dates" to differentiate from interactions of platonic friendships. Still though this tends to be unspoken. It is not uncommon for one person to think they are on a "date" and one person to think they are just meeting as platonic friends.

This article I would imagine is saying 40% have had no romantic interaction with another person.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#269

Post by treis »

kstenerud wrote: post #129
willcipriano wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ideology gets in the way of truth on this one. One side doesn't want to admit that a lot of poor people have a good bit of free time available to them, particularly those who receive social services. The other side doesn't want to admit that middle class and up folks have been working long hours at a cost to their personal lives and development, that isn't new, but now both mom and dad are doing it and households are…

This is just the natural progression of the gutting of the middle class. A middle class job in the 50s and 60s was MUCH easier on the home and social life. Unions were common and life was pretty civilized on the whole. Since then we've been on a steady regression to the industrial revolution, where employers hold all the power and can use people as they see fit (i.e. forget working only 40 hours a week), and only the…

There's some truth to this. There's also some truth to this generation not being willing to make the sacrifices their parents did. Like those super expensive tiny home in LA were the American Dream that their forebearers moved across the country for. For whatever reason this generation is much less likely to do the same and move to cheap places with decent jobs.

Yes they have a point that it shouldn't be so hard and they shouldn't have to move across the country to scratch out a living. But I don't see how living in your parents basement is better. You can play the hand you're dealt while fighting to make it better for the next generation.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#270

Post by [deleted] »

willcipriano wrote: post #45
yur3i__ wrote: post #25

I'm 22 and have never been on a date or anything resembling one. I'm not too worried about it, though the potential "skill gap" (for lack of a better word) with future partners does concern me a bit I have to admit.

Mens value in the dating marketplace goes up over time. If you are relatively sane, sober and employed around 28, mother nature helps you out with her biological alarm clock. Keep your head up, it's going to get easier from here on out.

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