Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

soranews24.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

201–210 of 383 posts

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#201

Post by spacemadness »

monological wrote: post #189
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

Dating in the west almost feels like an interview these days, at least in the Bay Area. “So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years”? What’s next, you going to ask me to invert a binary tree?

Everyone needs to make sure you are beyond gainfully employed so they can live some semblance of a normal life if you both decide to stick around the bay.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#202

Post by randomdata »

alphabettsy wrote: post #166
randomdata wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The well-off in North America stopped having kids because it has become socially unacceptable do so; at least in youth. The young "rural hick" mother is the canonical image young women are told they must not become. We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate. Having children is something well-off people have come to f…

> We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate. You don’t see any issue with people who haven’t even completed high school having children?

I have heard some suggest that the high school age has biological complications related to child birth. I have no expertise to delve into that topic.

Outside of those influences, in hindsight, the high school years would have been the perfect time to have children. They are virtually wasted years anyway, being old enough to be ready to start to spread your wings, but not considered old enough to do so. The time could be used productively to focus on the critical early years of rearing a child. Once you reach your prime, deemed ready to go out into the world and make something of yourself, your children will be starting to become independent. If you are well-off the financial supports are already in place, so that is moot.

However, in practice, it would be a challenge because of how society demonizes it. Humans are social creatures that rely on a stable society to survive. Being ostracized from that society is a complication one logically tries to avoid.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#203

Post by zozbot234 »

monological wrote: post #189
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

Dating in the west almost feels like an interview these days, at least in the Bay Area. “So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years”? What’s next, you going to ask me to invert a binary tree?

"Let's hear your rehearsed 25-seconds elevator pitch."

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#204

Post by the_only_law »

Aunche wrote: post #118
francisofascii wrote: post #34

Interesting that 27.3% of women have a lover, but 19.1% of men do. Does that mean more lesbian activity or perhaps successful men taking more than one female? Any thoughts on this discrepancy?

The key part is "in their 20s." It's much more common for women to date someone older than them than vice versa.

Not just more common, it's somewhat taboo the other way around.

One of my brothers in his mid 20s briefly dated some girl a bit older than him, maybe late 20s/early 30s.

When my parents found out, he got chastised for it (in a somewhat playful way albeit). They did not necessarily like this, the kicker is they have an 11 year age gap themselves, but it's my father who's older.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#205

Post by Bayart »

shankr wrote: post #92
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

I think you can say it's more "western" concept than American because the same concept exists in European countries also.

I've never been to an American style date in my life, nor do I do know anyone who does it. At least in France it far out of regular habits. The place for getting to know each other is usually a friends group.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#206

Post by bittercynic »

pphysch wrote: post #72
francisofascii wrote: post #34

Interesting that 27.3% of women have a lover, but 19.1% of men do. Does that mean more lesbian activity or perhaps successful men taking more than one female? Any thoughts on this discrepancy?

One reductive way to view Western (straight) dating culture: - the women are competing for top ~10% of men, who almost always will have multiple casual partners at any given time because of this - the (other 90% of) men are competing for the top 50% of women It's a mess of poorly defined and misaligned interests. This leads to tension and stereotypes ("all men are assholes! all women are harlots!") and sexual inequal…

There may be some situations where people want to rank potential partners desirability as though it was a scalar that everyone would agree on, but there is no requirement to participate in those situations.

For me, and I suspect most people, it seems much better to just do the things you enjoy, be friendly, and find people where there is some mutual interest in spending time together.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#207

Post by Tozen »

SapporoChris wrote: post #119
didip wrote: post #43

The government and the media keep freaking out about birth rate declining but made no attempts in fixing the poor working conditions in Japan. Who wants to date, marry, or have kids if you can barely live your life?

I cannot find any sources where the government is freaking out. Can you provide some sources? I did find instances of working condition reforms and incentives. https://asia.nikkei.com/Economy/Five-things-to-know-about-Ja... https://japantoday.com/category/features/lifestyle/Tokyo%E2%... https://www.un.org/en/development/desa/population/events/pdf... As to your question: https://www.macrotrends.net/countries/USA/unite…

You seem to be forgetting that immigration to the U.S. is quite strong, so that supplements the birth rate and tax base (or at least provides cheap labor), where that isn't the case for Japan.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#208

Post by bradlys »

BlargMcLarg wrote: post #168
bradlys wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who did get older and went through this - it does not get better. Your hair doesn’t suddenly get thicker. The pounds don’t suddenly become easier to keep off. Your skin doesn’t tighten. Your complexion doesn’t smoothen out. It gets worse. This is just copium we give to men to make them think it gets better. The stats show that it doesn’t get better . If you’re single now and have never been on a date - the…

>not being poor That's a pretty darn big reason when women select for financial stability rather aggressively and with the "do your dues" mentality the job market has combined with prolonged studying. By far most people would not point out "just age" as the cause, but the things which come with age to most men naturally.

Poor is different than not-rich. I've seen many "poor" men get many relationships and dates. Money is only a minor factor. SV should be an indicator of that - we have an overreaching amount of men making $400k+/yr and yet they're also some of the most single people out there.

Besides - when it comes to online dating and getting first dates - not looking poor just means don't appear homeless.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#209

Post by Dracophoenix »

IE6 wrote: post #73
willcipriano wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mens value in the dating marketplace goes up over time. If you are relatively sane, sober and employed around 28, mother nature helps you out with her biological alarm clock. Keep your head up, it's going to get easier from here on out.

To be honest this reply smells like "man-o-sphere" logic... PSA: To anyone struggling with this please try and ignore any advice online that focuses on the opposite sex and their inherent value (or lack thereof). Actually talking to the opposite sex even in a casual way is a really good way to get over this type of thinking.

I'd counter that and say one should consider any advice in terms of the motives for giving it whether it comes from a member of one's own sex or the opposite. Talking to the opposite sex, for example, may only result in receiving information in what opposite sex believes about themselves rather than what they actually do.

The point shouldn't be to get over this type of thinking per se, but rather to determine which type of thinking is most consistent with reality and subsequently dispense with the rest as chaff and empty platitudes. If "man-o-sphere logic" is ineffective or counterproductive, then the only way to find out is to scrutinize it or apply it and observe the outcome.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#210

Post by robert_foss »

Etheryte wrote: post #107
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

I'm not sure where you're from, but dating as a concept is a very widely spread phenomenon and it isn't some kind of an Americanism.

As a Swede who lived in NA, it definitely seemed like an Americanism.
Post reply on HN