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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#121

Post by dudul »

rpmisms wrote: post #100
ecshafer wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Doing normal things together is dating. Maybe I am missing your point. But if you ever went out to dinner together, or lunch, or walked in the park, those are dates.

I mean extremely normal things, like grocery shopping, getting coffee in the morning before work, things that would be considered at best poor date ideas by most of the women I know. Sure, it fits the definition of dating, technically.

Getting coffee is a date. Sorry to break your special bubble, you guys dated:)

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#122

Post by NoGravitas »

sgustard wrote: post #109
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

The point is, a private one-on-one meeting is usually a required precursor to marriage and children. Casual group hangouts don't jump to that step.

Not in America or Europe in recent history. But 100 or 150 years ago here, group meetings (e.g., church, one family visiting another) could certainly lead to an offer of marriage (and request for paternal permission). Private one-on-one meetings would have been highly discouraged except under controlled conditions.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#123

Post by FooBarBizBazz »

bpodgursky wrote: post #60
natly wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even elon strangely dismissed that obvious cause when it was pointed out under his pinned tweet https://twitter.com/BillyM2k/status/1529125347148455937 (elons explanation doesn't make any sense).

These are fairly different arguments. Japan's working hours are traditionally brutal - 12 hours a day, 6-7 days a week. Plus mandatory "happy" hours. It's often a financially comfortable life; but there's 0 flexibility to find an employer that allows a 9-5 workday, even if you're willing to take a pay cut. Elon is saying that high-paid professionals in the US have fewer children than the lower-middle class, which is…

> Doctors, lawyers, and engineers are far below replacement fertility.

If you really want a "fun" way to look at it, find an IQ vs. fertility rate chart. Only IQs of 80 and lower are above replacement.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#125

Post by lolinder »

aquadoggy wrote: post #115
lolinder wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm happily married with a great sex life, and neither of us had any sexual relationships before our marriage. I know that sounds quaint and antiquated on this forum, but some traditions really do exist for a reason. :-) Point being: It's not a foregone conclusion that your future wife is having sex right now. There are still people out there who wait.

Yes, I am completely onboard with this tradition. I think of it as the 'tape' analogy. If you stick tape many times, each subsequent stick is less firm. Same with relationships. You bring increasing amounts of baggage, all of your "firsts" have already been done, and you have a loose bond to your partner.

Agreed! And I think you'll find that with girls who have similar values your perspective will be a huge selling point. They're out there, and they're the ones that you'll be most happy with anyway. Hang in there!

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#126

Post by marcyb5st »

Noelkd wrote: post #46
_fat_santa wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

FWIW I was very bad at getting dates when I was your age. It's really a skill you develop, the more you do it the better you will get. From age 20-25 I think I went on maybe 7 dates. So far this year I've gone on >20

20 dates with 20 different people?

I don't see the number as that high. I'm at around 10 different people and considering I stopped around 2 months ago because I found one interesting enough that we decided to be mutually exclusive going forward.

I use dating apps or met a couple of them at the bouldering gym where I boulder.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#127

Post by sct202 »

csomar wrote: post #99
didip wrote: post #43

The government and the media keep freaking out about birth rate declining but made no attempts in fixing the poor working conditions in Japan. Who wants to date, marry, or have kids if you can barely live your life?

> The government and the media keep freaking out about birth rate declining but made no attempts in fixing the poor working conditions in Japan. I think the next century revelation will be that you should focus on individual growth rather than population growth. In our tech-oriented economy, it matters more that you have quality technology rather than quantitative production. > Who wants to date, marry, or have kids…

I think it's different in undeveloped countries where if you were raised with nothing, it doesn't seem bad to raise kids that way. But in developed countries, I think a lot of people would refuse to raise kids if the conditions were worse than the ones they grew up in.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#128

Post by randomdata »

willcipriano wrote: post #76
natly wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even elon strangely dismissed that obvious cause when it was pointed out under his pinned tweet https://twitter.com/BillyM2k/status/1529125347148455937 (elons explanation doesn't make any sense).

Ideology gets in the way of truth on this one. One side doesn't want to admit that a lot of poor people have a good bit of free time available to them, particularly those who receive social services. The other side doesn't want to admit that middle class and up folks have been working long hours at a cost to their personal lives and development, that isn't new, but now both mom and dad are doing it and households are…

The well-off in North America stopped having kids because it has become socially unacceptable do so; at least in youth. The young "rural hick" mother is the canonical image young women are told they must not become. We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate. Having children is something well-off people have come to fear, believing it will leave them to become failures in the eye of society.

The narrative changes when people grow older, nearing the end of a woman's viable productive years. All of a sudden it is "Why don't you have kids yet? You're not getting any younger. The clock is ticking." Once one overcomes dealing with the conflicting messaging and the emotional toil in that, this leaves time for one, occasionally two in the best case, children and no more. For others it is simply too late.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#129

Post by kstenerud »

willcipriano wrote: post #76
natly wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even elon strangely dismissed that obvious cause when it was pointed out under his pinned tweet https://twitter.com/BillyM2k/status/1529125347148455937 (elons explanation doesn't make any sense).

Ideology gets in the way of truth on this one. One side doesn't want to admit that a lot of poor people have a good bit of free time available to them, particularly those who receive social services. The other side doesn't want to admit that middle class and up folks have been working long hours at a cost to their personal lives and development, that isn't new, but now both mom and dad are doing it and households are…

This is just the natural progression of the gutting of the middle class. A middle class job in the 50s and 60s was MUCH easier on the home and social life. Unions were common and life was pretty civilized on the whole.

Since then we've been on a steady regression to the industrial revolution, where employers hold all the power and can use people as they see fit (i.e. forget working only 40 hours a week), and only the aristocracy can afford leisure and child care.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#130

Post by DoingIsLearning »

sgustard wrote: post #109
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

The point is, a private one-on-one meeting is usually a required precursor to marriage and children. Casual group hangouts don't jump to that step.

Fair, my point isn't that dating does not occur but that dating is not agreed upon as lightly.

You basically have to build a very strong rapport and infatuation to the point that you are both sure you have something you both want to pursue.

Whereas the american/european dating scene is much more casual about the 'seriousness' of a date.

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