Having seen the documentaries and articles on predominantly young people living in internet cafes or as total shut-ins with family, I would say there's more still societal factors to this than even the article mentions.
Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
#32I'm 22 and have never been on a date or anything resembling one. I'm not too worried about it, though the potential "skill gap" (for lack of a better word) with future partners does concern me a bit I have to admit.
FWIW I was very bad at getting dates when I was your age. It's really a skill you develop, the more you do it the better you will get. From age 20-25 I think I went on maybe 7 dates. So far this year I've gone on >20
Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
#33I'm 22 and have never been on a date or anything resembling one. I'm not too worried about it, though the potential "skill gap" (for lack of a better word) with future partners does concern me a bit I have to admit.
Honestly there's not much to worry about a "skill-gap" either. It's cliche but being the true and authentic version of yourself (and being self-aware if you need to make improvements on that version of yourself - your authentic self can't be a jerk) is the best way to make both friends and romantic partners. Maybe it's different for hookups, but IMHO romantic relationships don't work like they do in the movies.
Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
#34Interesting that 27.3% of women have a lover, but 19.1% of men do. Does that mean more lesbian activity or perhaps successful men taking more than one female? Any thoughts on this discrepancy?
Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
#35Statistically, this is not surprising.
In the West, especially a place like NYC, it is common to go on dozens of date with different people, to find the perfect partner. But first, just casual meeting and friends, getting to know each other. That culture is not common in Japan. Of course some HN poster will provide counter anecdata, but their datapoint is already selecting for a different demographic than the greater Japanese population.
Japanese people keep their social circles very small. Platonic relationships between genders are also less frequent. People generally hangout with people their own gender. Asking someone on a “date” borders on asking them to be your boyfriend/girlfriend. To get to this stage, you’ve probably have spent considerable amount of time and context knowing each other. You ask, how do you get to know someone if you don’t already know them? Therein lies both the paradox and the answer.
Add in the fact that being single is not conditionally independent on the past, the headline “40% of SINGLE men never have been on a date” seems less surprising when you interpret it as “40% of single men have never had a girlfriend”.
Finally, one of the biggest domestic industries in Japan is mizu shobai. There are dozens “conversation bars” at practically every semi dense place in Japan to fill the loneliness gap. If you want a rendition of this, watch Season 1 of “Light the Night” on Netflix about this culture but based in Taipei’s entertainment district catering to Japanese businessman. Their Japanese is terrible, but they capture the aesthetic and lifestyle decently well. This is as close of a glimpse you’ll get to the real Japan because it’s not something people talk about during daytime, and sure as hell not explaining to Westerners ( the vast majority of these places do not welcome foreigners).
Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
#36Not so surprising, as someone who was recently in their 20s. Dating is old fashioned and very consumeristic/wealth oriented. I've also never been on a date, because my social strata only goes out to party, not to eat at expensive restaurants with dress codes and shit, or theaters with $20 popcorn. We have kitchens and netflix.
Same here (European, btw, not Japanese). I've only ever been on one "date" in my lifetime. The rest of my mating life has always been in the context of friend groups, rather than 1:1 meetings in some public place. Things that I have done that I don't consider a date: - meeting up at a friends' house while both knowing the other would be there, then leaving together afterwards (not 1:1) - just meeting up after class/w…
How is going out to dinner with your steady partner not the most unambiguous example of a date?
Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
#37Equally disturbing is the fact that many married men are being encouraged to participate in a permanent state of ersatz courtship known as 'date nights'. What's the point of getting married if you still have to go on dates?
Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
#38I don’t know that much about Japan, so forgive me, but I was under the impression that in Japan there was a lot of shame attached to sex, and sexuality. Could the view on sex, particularly casual sex, impact dating?
Japan does not shame sex -they have compensated "dating", soaplands, love hotels, etc..., And maybe that is part of the problem. Maybe it's not. It's possible that if they made sex more taboo then, at least teenagers would seek it out more as a way to break the rules. On the other hand they as a culture tend to follow rules more than in the "west". So maybe it would be a wash. Some cultures practice "Bundling" to get…
There's been a decline in youth sexuality in the USA at the same time as our sexual liberalization, especially in the last 10-15 years.
I wonder if taboos are actually part of the courtship process with humans. Part of the allure might be doing something forbidden. Humans are weird.
Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
#39Not so surprising, as someone who was recently in their 20s. Dating is old fashioned and very consumeristic/wealth oriented. I've also never been on a date, because my social strata only goes out to party, not to eat at expensive restaurants with dress codes and shit, or theaters with $20 popcorn. We have kitchens and netflix.
My dates pre-marriage with my current wife were one of us would pack two lunches (spaghetti was a common one) and meet up on campus and eat together in the cafeteria. Almost every week.
Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey
#40I wish they would define what a date is. Does it mean virgin or at least someone who has had sex without paying for it? It also looks like in their culture you can be romantically involved without being sexually involved - are they saying 40% of younger men have never had a relationship?
I got the impression it meant a meeting for the intention of initiating a romantic (presexual) relationship. Like going to dinner alone together instead of with a group of friends. They mention later that Japanese culture is more group-social than, presumably, the author's culture, and perhaps couples can have spent a lot of time together before calling it a date.
Aren't the Japanese big on "mixers" where you get equal numbers of guys and gals together for dinner/drinks - and a date would only be if you hit it off at one?
Of course there are other ways to get a date, but I suspect they have a pretty defined meaning for it.