Also consider what happens if someone is incapacitated but not dead. Getting into email, bank, etc. is one thing, but what if you own property with someone who is suddenly and irreversibly brain damaged? I strongly recommend filing a lasting power of attorney in advance if your risk of this is non-negligible. My mother is living a nightmare due to it right now as she assumed being someone's spouse would let you take…
Not sure if anyone on HN knows: do wills work for medical emergencies too? Because I would assume you could setup an emergency power of attorney for such a scenario. It is ridiculous that you cannot sell your home if your spouse is incapable of consenting.
Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
131–140 of 194 posts
Re: Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
#132She has abridged [1] and long checklists [2] that everyone should complete. Most of us probably don't even think about these things:
- will
- power of attorney (in varying forms)
- what happens to pets
- what happens to kids
- money
- burial/funeral wishes
- insurance
- living will
- etc.
[0]: https://getyourshittogether.org/
[1]: https://getyourshittogether.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/G...
[2]: https://getyourshittogether.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/G...
Re: Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
#133Earlier quoted context omitted.
Better just not to encrypt anything like that. If you have a house, which has windows, your locks do not provide security against someone smashing open the window. Key cutting schemes are a bit like this - no key offers security, only one of several access routes. Having multiple access routes may be desirable and simultaneously a concern - a fireman smashing through your window to save your life is desirable, a burg…
> A key cutting scheme may be useful in the case of mutli tenancy No. Cutting a key in half doesn't halve its security, but it reduces it exponentially. 256 bits = 2^256 possibilities for bruteforcing 255 bits = 2^255 possibilities for bruteforcing, or half 128 bits = 2^128 possibilities, or 1/(2^128) the security
Re: Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
#134There's no ultimate solution. The closest that I have, and it is far from perfect, is that I have a family subscription to 1Password, and a very private shared vault, that my wife has access to, containing the most important stuff. She has a PDF and printed emergency access sheet for the 1Password account.
Here is something that a friend of mine posted on Facebook (She's a professional writer), a couple of years ago. She had to deal with a number of things:
The first time a doctor told me to “get my affairs in order,” I didn’t know whether that meant to do the bills or clear my browser history. (Both are a good idea.) I’ve had to do it a few times now, and apparently this is unusual. In what follows, I’m going to lay out my decidedly non-professional but overly experienced guide to “getting your affairs in order.”
This isn’t just what you do when you’re gonna die. If you think you might be out of commission for a while, you’ll want to make sure (as best you can) that when you recover, you can resume your life as you know it.
What follows are some basics. Some of this won’t apply to you, and I’m sure I missed some things. If you have sizable assets or a complicated life, consult an attorney. (My attorney friends strongly suggest that you talk to them about any of this. I am SO not a professional. This is just my experience.) This is going to seem overwhelming, but you can actually get it handled in an afternoon - while you’re healthy and clear.
So here we go:
Make sure someone has keys to your house.
Pull some cash, in case you need to send people to the grocery for you etc.
File for a tax extension and an absentee ballot NOW. You probably won’t need it. Just in case.
Is your ID/passport/car registration due to expire soon? Maybe get that handled.
Create a “RED FILE” that’s easily findable but not out in the open. I use an actual red file folder.
In it, place the following: I’ll explain below.
Contingency plans for pets/kids (and any guardianship docs you need for that)
Copy of your insurance card and ID
Relevant medical history
Meds list (include supplements, gym stacks, and mood stabilizers)
allergies
Medical Power of Attorney
Advance Directive
POLST
Financial Power of Attorney
SEALED ENVELOPE with PIN
A DIFFERENT SEALED ENVELOPE with passwords and a list of email accounts, social media accounts, etc.
copies of credit cards
list of bills that need to be paid and how
a will, if you have one
Bills - If you have bills like car payment, mortgage, etc that will have consequences for late payment, pay a little early if you can and/or set to autopay. Autopay absolute minimums on everything you can - you need your money to last, but you also don’t want to return to a credit apocalypse (I did. Credit apocalypse is treatable — but expensive.) Make a list of all your bills and how they’re paid, in case someone has to take over for a while.
I am brutally aware that most of us don’t have a financial cushion. Thinking about how to triage in a catastrophe is a lot easier when you’re not in the middle of it. Make the best decisions you can. But make the decisions, so these things are not surprises when you’re not in a place to think them through. Many places are agreeing to suspend utility cutoffs for now. Student loans can go on forbearance. You may be able to deal with lapsed credit cards better than a vehicle repo. Think it through.
MPOA, FPOA, POLST, Advance Directive, Will: These docs should be signed and notarized. That’s not a big deal; bring them to your bank *unsigned,* and if they won’t notarize them free or for low cost, they’ll refer you to someone who will. You’ll sign them in front of the notary; s/he has to witness that.
Medical Power of Attorney is a form that designates who makes medical decisions for you when you can’t. It doesn’t have to be a family member, and it helps if everyone knows ahead of time who that is. But they should know your wishes, and have the fortitude to carry them out. If they will be a pushy advocate, even better. Don’t choose your nicest friend. Choose the one who won’t be afraid to kick ass, or pull the plug.
An Advance Directive is a legal document in which you articulate what your wishes are if you’re really sick or injured and can’t speak for yourself. You can google a form or write something out (I do a combination).
A POLST is a medical form that gets super specific about the above. The acronym stands for Physician’s Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment. Some doctors like it filled out onsite, but a notarized one in the hands of your MPOA will help even if they have to copy from there onto a fresh form (annoying, but lots of things about health care are annoying). There’s a single form most states use; google your state to make sure you have the right form. NOTE: Filling this out will make your stomach hurt. You only have to do this once in your life, unless you change your mind about something - and remember, you will probably never need it.
Financial Power of Attorney (also called Durable Power of Attorney) allows someone access to all your assets (they should know what they are, and how to access what they might need (insurance policies, for example). At very least, they should be in a position to pay your bills, deposit checks, and get some cash if it’s needed, and to suspend your autopay gym membership while you’re not using it. If you have Venmo or Paypal or Bitcoin, they should know how to access it. If arrangements for pets/dependents have a financial component, they should be able to handle that. Make sure it’s someone you trust BIG. Don’t worry about hurting feelings when you make this decision.
Will: If you have simple assets, pull a simple will from LegalZoom or suchlike, and get it notarized when you take in the rest of your forms. Any assets that are registered - your car, even if it’s a hoopty; your retirement account, if you have such a thing; house, etc - all of it is much more easily transferred if there’s a will. For smaller things - you might simply want to write down in a separate, informal note that Lola gets your party dresses and you’d kinda like it if your books were donated to the prison library, or whatever. It might not matter. But if you know your brothers are gonna fight over your bicycle, do everyone a favor and make that decision for them. They don’t have to know unless - it’s that time.
In your red file is a *sealed* envelope addressed to your FPOA with your PIN numbers, online banking password, etc. DO NOT WRITE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE ENVELOPE WHAT IS CONTAINED IN IT. JUST ADDRESS IT TO YOUR FPOA. DON’T MAIL IT AND DON’T GIVE IT IN ADVANCE.
If there is more than one person involved in your plans, make sure they all have each other’s contact info. You might consider creating a group chat that says something like, “Hi everyone, I just want to make sure you all have easy access to each other in case of an emergency. Heather, my dogsitter, has the house keys; Jamil is my medical POA and makes decisions for me when I can’t…” etc.
Someone needs to have your social media life in their hands. You don’t need to notarize or pull forms, but there should be an envelope addressed to this person. Include the passcodes to your phone and computer, and if you use a password wallet, how to access that. Are you on Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn? Grindr? No judgment. Just make sure someone can protect your identity -and your brand, if you’re social-media intensive - while you’re away.
Don’t want them to know you’re on, um, Petfinder? Delete now, just in case. (It’s no time for a hookup, anyway.) Also delete/destroy any docs you don’t want someone else to find, including old journals. Also, consider clearing out anything else in the house you don’t want people to find. You can buy a new (whatever it is) later. And clear your browser history!Re: Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
#135Also consider what happens if someone is incapacitated but not dead. Getting into email, bank, etc. is one thing, but what if you own property with someone who is suddenly and irreversibly brain damaged? I strongly recommend filing a lasting power of attorney in advance if your risk of this is non-negligible. My mother is living a nightmare due to it right now as she assumed being someone's spouse would let you take…
His stroke was one of the emotionally hardest times of my life. He had lost language entirely as well - and most movement.
Re: Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
#136This resonate deeply for me. My dad unexpectedly passed away recently, and there were a lot of problems because we didn't even know his phone unlock PIN (to be fair, he did told us several time, just that none of us bothered to remember). But one of the main problems is that tons of research fund is tied up in my dad account, so it's basically frozen until we can execute his will. My mom manage my dad tax return so a…
I know when my partner died that I was not supposed to log in to her accounts and just transfer shit around; banks instead have very well defined processes for working out who is the legally correct person to do that and then empowering them to do so.
Remember, banks and other big companies deal with this all the time. They necessarily must have robust processes for doing it with the existing societal/legal systems of establishing who is the ‘right person’.
Re: Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
#137It should be «christophercalm/when-im-gone», not «christophercalm/if-im-gone». That's not an option.
I would argue that it is an option. As of now the code block inside... if(christophercalm_is_gone) { follow_his_instructions(); } ...will not execute. On a more serious note though, on a social level, I think « if I'm gone» is much better phrasing than « when I'm gone» if the intention is to be prepared for unforeseen tragic events. Unless one is facing a terminal illness or is past a certain age, using when is too m…
Re: Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
#138I wonder about the legal position of recipients of these cheatsheet. In particular, how much trouble can they get into for using the passwords? Say probate is taking a long time, so someone logs into the bank account and withdraws money for everyday essentials. That’s probably one reason the deceased person left the cheatsheet. But what happens when a bank notices money being withdrawn from the bank account of a dead…
My recommendation always remains the same: don’t over complicate it and work with the existing societal processes. Society deals with people dying all the time. All major companies, industries, etc. have means for dealing this which have established legal precedent and won’t get anyone in the shit by following them. Let those processes unfold and instead focus on providing your loved ones with the means of having what they need to do so.
Re: Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
#139This resonate deeply for me. My dad unexpectedly passed away recently, and there were a lot of problems because we didn't even know his phone unlock PIN (to be fair, he did told us several time, just that none of us bothered to remember). But one of the main problems is that tons of research fund is tied up in my dad account, so it's basically frozen until we can execute his will. My mom manage my dad tax return so a…
I would be surprised if you were legally allowed to go and modify assets before the will is executed. I know when my partner died that I was not supposed to log in to her accounts and just transfer shit around; banks instead have very well defined processes for working out who is the legally correct person to do that and then empowering them to do so. Remember, banks and other big companies deal with this all the tim…
Re: Cheat sheet for if I'm gone
#140Earlier quoted context omitted.
It'd increase security vis-à-vis burglars, but for it to work for this use case you'd need relatives who can recover Samir secrets.
If they don't care enough to find someone who can recover them then whatever is protected by the secrets is probably not that important to them.