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Restarting my career after motherhood

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Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of capitalism’s exploited externalities (no economic value placed on the labor of raising children)

Really we should allow parents to sell their children into slavery, that would be a means of maximizing short-term return on investment for parents who can't afford to provide food, education and clothing to their children. Remember, the free market is the ultimate selector for maximum efficiency, and to quote Milton Friedman, 'corruption is government interference into market efficiencies in the form of regulation'.…

Economists working from first principles can reach horrendous conclusions[1].

1. https://mises.org/library/children-and-rights

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#102
post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Parenthood is vital to society and it's very much in the interest of countries with declining birthrates to promote it. It is currently subsidized but not nearly enough to make it a rational choice for individuals from a purely economic perspective. If we want to stabilize declining birthrates, we will need to increase subsidies by a lot.

Totally depends on the state of society and what the needs are, China had the opposite policy for over 30 years to achieve a declining birth rate. It's not true that more children = better. It's only an issue somehow for pyramid schemes of the welfare system.

Yes, and that policy turned out to be a huge mistake that the Chinese government is now struggling to reverse.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#103

If you take N years off from a career, you should expect ahead of time to become a less compelling candidate to hire for highly skilled work. 1) your skills are assumed rustier and 2) you have fewer years left in your career so you have less room for promotion to executive levels (big companies need to be thinking about hiring their CEO 20 years from now). If you don’t want this to happen to your career, 1) get bette…

> 2) don’t take N years off from your career.

I don't think the author is looking for life advice from you. "Being a stay-at-home mum was my choice." She doesn't appear to be kicking herself for becoming a mother. Whether she "expected" this or not, whether it was a "surprise", is not particularly relevant. That's not the issue, it's a red herring. She made her choice, willingly, and now she's looking to restart her career. It feels like some commenters are looking more to be judgmental than helpful.

The survival of humanity itself depends on people having and raising children. But then we turn around and act like it's some kind of personal mistake, a poor choice for which someone deserves social punishment, as opposed to a natural part of life. Why is a gap in someone's résumé viewed as abnormal rather than expected? If anyone deserves to be lectured, it's the employers who are "surprised" that résumé gaps occur and "expect" candidates to have no gaps.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#104
post #80

I am thinking about, All those parents who are forced to work but always wanted to stay back and provide best care for their kids but couldn't do so.. feeling a gut punch. Parents who chose career path and gets the slap in the face moments every time they realized that they could have spent more time with the kids instead of the work. Is it possible to eat the cake and have it too?

The philosophy I try to follow (which I borrowed from someone else) is: sometimes eat the cake, sometimes have it. Meaning if I’m trying to develop my career for a promotion or new job, I’ll adjust the priorities to achieve that, I.e. spend enough time with the kid, sacrifice me-time, sometimes a bit of sleep, etc. And once I achieve it, then “cool off” a bit, meaning spend all my spare time with the kid, finish work at 5, don’t hesitate to take PTO, etc.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#105
post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Parenthood is by far the most subsidized personal choice in the universe. Let's not pretend it's not. Some countries give more than a year paid parental leave, in what can only be described as vote purchasing. Parenthood is compensated.

That's 1 year of compensation for 18+ years of part-time labor, in countries with the most parental leave

Raising kids is full time labor considering that even when you are off, you are on call.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#106
post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How does society punish you for being childless?

Quoted post unavailable.

I guess it depends on where you live, but it is so much less expensive to be childless in the US. Monetary aid provided by the government does not cover the costs, let alone make it profitable.

And government aid is not just for unfortunate events, it's used to promote desired behavior. That's why there are subsidies for companies developing green energy and EVs, for farmers growing certain crops, for animal feed (very frustrating as someone who always has to pay more for veggie burgers), and many other things. Clearly, though, the US doesn't value parenthood very much because the monetary incentives simply are not enough. I guess when you know your replacement rates are kept afloat by immigration, you don't care much if your citizens have kids.

It's funny that you say being social is easier, because what I see is the opposite. Being a parent isn't a panacea for socialization. It can be very isolating when your childless friends can drop whatever they are doing to go have a good time (so they don't bother to make plans, they just go) while you have to secure a babysitter just to get a quiet dinner. Your friends have to accommodate you, and many will not.

As someone who is currently childless with both new parent friends and not-so-new parent friends, it's very clear to see how much simpler it is for the ones of us who don't have kids have to be social or follow their own interests.

I feel in no way compelled by any law or incentive to have children and am in fact dreading the day my wife is serious about having them, because I have seen first hand what it does to your bank account and your personal life.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#107
post #19

One thing to remember is that while you might not feel as qualified for as many positions as you wish, in the end you only need one. And since you have a demonstrated willingness and ability to forgo maximum income in pursuit of higher ideals, I suspect many mission oriented organizations would be thrilled to have you for roles they might not even have bothered to post on the assumption they couldn’t compete for tale…

This is a great example of how women face income gaps after childbirth.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#108
post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Only because of the subsidies. It's hardly "natural" for all humans to reproduce. This is an incredibly bold statement. Most people like having sex, and in a natural state (sans birth control, online dating, internet porn, etc) there are going to be a lot of pregnancies. The idea that tax credits, welfare or parental leave is what is driving this situation is ridiculous. This feels more like a dog whistle about the…

No but some men would have more than two children, and some men would have zero. We balanced this out up until recently by sending men to war and other dangerous jobs that made them die before they had a chance to reproduce. There is an enormous asymmetry between the sexes in our biology and that's the feature that drives natural selection and evolution. The only reason why all people are able to reproduce are subsid…

That's just a silly assertion. Many developing countries have little to no subsidies in regards to children and yet their birth rates are higher.

Better medical treatments and lack of wars are not child subsidies.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#109
post #80

I am thinking about, All those parents who are forced to work but always wanted to stay back and provide best care for their kids but couldn't do so.. feeling a gut punch. Parents who chose career path and gets the slap in the face moments every time they realized that they could have spent more time with the kids instead of the work. Is it possible to eat the cake and have it too?

Yeah but you've got to learn to let things go. I'm temporarily single parenting with a full time job and it doesn't have to be that hard. Like kiddo usually eats microwaved meat & vegetables plus a pasta/rice that I cook twice a week. Is that worse than a cooked from scratch meal? Everyone will say yes, but he's getting the macronutrients and vitamins he needs so what difference does it make? Kind of applies to everything. Some days he doesn't get a bath, the house gets wild, I put a movie on because I'm tired of his shit and so on. But I'm 80-90% of ideal but that's enough for 99%+ of the benefits.

I've seen reflections of OP in a lot of parents in my life. They fall into two categories:

Type As that direct this sort of extreme level of effort to anything they do.

Anxiety/OCD that just can't let that little bit of benefit go combined with satisfying their complusion of controlling everything.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's 1 year of compensation for 18+ years of part-time labor, in countries with the most parental leave

So you’re not disagreeing that it’s compensated? What decision(s) can a non-parent make to get 1 year of compensation like parents get?

The point appears to be that a year of compensation is pitiful even if one considers the 18y effort part time.

Having young kids I think it's more like full time parenting, on top of any regular day job. Unless you can find a spouse willing to do all the kid work, which is like non-stop 12-16h days until all are in school.

Heaven forbid your SO wants to homeschool and expects you to do at least 40% of parenting, with your day job.

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