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Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

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Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#471

Post by dougmwne »

themantalope wrote: post #432
futureshock wrote: post #251

I want to throw out there that HN is not going to have the average compassion and emotional intelligence to give you good advice. You need to hire yourself a life coach or work with a therapist (which in your case would serve the same purpose). It may not seem it to you, but you are very young still. You have more growing to do and everyone needs trusted advisors. Also, the world is full of "lies" and most people bel…

There is a lot in this post that I completely agree with. The main part is that our success is highly situational. I think this somewhat ties in with luck - working hard in the right situation pays off.

I list it separate from luck because there's actually a lot of control we can exercise on our environments. A lot of people are very bad at this. Our default is often to cope rather than make a change. People get into bad situations mostly due to luck since you never have perfect information before saying yes to a new job, a new partner, a new city. But then once the bad situation is clear, people don't make a change because they have too much ego (this is who I am), fatalism (this is what I deserve), obligation (only I could do this), misplaced optimism (I can fix it), fear (it would only be worse), and adaptation (I'll get used to it).

Sometimes quiting a job is just as important for your career growth as accepting a job. Be a great quitter.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#472

Post by LtdJorge »

leaflets2 wrote: post #456
kayodelycaon wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In the US it is generally illegal to ask about an employee's medical history in the US due to ADA. Psychiatric care is considered medical care.

"what did you do between 2016 and 2019?" (Silence... ) -- won't that seem suspicious, even if the interviewer can't ask: "Oh so you had a drugs and substances career break?"

Medical issues

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#473

Post by dougmwne »

s1artibartfast wrote: post #470
futureshock wrote: post #251

I want to throw out there that HN is not going to have the average compassion and emotional intelligence to give you good advice. You need to hire yourself a life coach or work with a therapist (which in your case would serve the same purpose). It may not seem it to you, but you are very young still. You have more growing to do and everyone needs trusted advisors. Also, the world is full of "lies" and most people bel…

Hard work does not pay off. (This one is starting to break through for you and is the main reason for your post). Luck pays off. Who you know pays off. This is all true but misses the key point. Hard work can be incredibly powerful but only if channeled wisely. How, when, and what you work hard on matters.

I think you miss my point. You still have faith in the meritocracy. A combination of hard work and smart work should surely pay off. Right? Please? The just get what they deserve? Most people with power and money earned it and are deserving of it? What? No?

This is something people really want to be true. The world would be better if it were true. Things would be simpler and more explainable. I am accumulating a lifetime of evidence that it is not. Damn.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#474

Post by arkitaip »

GartzenDeHaes wrote: post #374
arkitaip wrote: post #365

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The entire screening process is broken when recruiters try to find any and all reasons - or negative signals as you call them - to skip over candidates. Who knows how many amazing talents are skipped over due to trivial issues in their application process.

If I give you a stack of 200 resumes, how are you going to decide which ones to interview?

I am not a recruiter but if I was and couldn't do my job without taking insane shortcuts that result in subpar recruiting, I would at least admit how broken the process is and try to look at the state of the art for some sanity.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#475

Post by Pixeleen »

tfigment wrote: post #326
swiftcoder wrote: post #312

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hang on, you are going to penalise someone for taking time off to get clean... presumably on the basis that it's better they come to work hiding the fact that they are high, than that they get help?

Companies do not like risk. That kind of time off has high potential recidivism. If there are 2 candidates then lower risk one wins. Years ago I had HR decline a candidate because of a messy divorce because of perceived risk that I still don't understand.

That decline, was that in the public sector, where the security clearance process necessarily digs up that kind of dirt? Or did a private sector company actually investigate a candidate to the terms of their divorce?

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#476

Post by s1artibartfast »

dougmwne wrote: post #473
s1artibartfast wrote: post #470

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hard work does not pay off. (This one is starting to break through for you and is the main reason for your post). Luck pays off. Who you know pays off. This is all true but misses the key point. Hard work can be incredibly powerful but only if channeled wisely. How, when, and what you work hard on matters.

I think you miss my point. You still have faith in the meritocracy. A combination of hard work and smart work should surely pay off. Right? Please? The just get what they deserve? Most people with power and money earned it and are deserving of it? What? No? This is something people really want to be true. The world would be better if it were true. Things would be simpler and more explainable. I am accumulating a life…

Nothing is a guaranteed bet, and people don't always get what they deserve. Life is stochastic and chance plays a large part on outcomes.

That said, working hard and smart improves your individual chances over the alternative.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#477

Post by throwawayukr432 »

selimthegrim wrote: post #457
dontbenebby wrote: post #439

I felt like you once OP, and there was an HN post that was a network for depressed devs. (This was years ago). I lost the link + had issues signing up... probably due to exevutive dysfunction from feeling like I had to find some special person or social network to have my CV fairly evaluated. I'd try to take some time off, if you have the money. I cannot emphasize how deeply I regret not quitting my job last I was in…

SE = somewhere else?

Guessing they meant to write SE Asia

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#478

Post by zoomablemind »

> ...How can I turn my directionless life around and find satisfaction with my career?

The very first thing that is spoken loudly from your post is a list of "nots" and "don'ts". Understandable, of course, that's how you're feeling...

Maybe at this point you could try a more affirmative way of "I am good at", "I can". It's very likely these strong sides of yours are getting undertoned and overshaded, which by itself may be the blocker.

Your career is still in progress, this also means plenty of chances to seek your preferences and turn any way if desired. You are being paid for what you can do - that's a big plus and is a confidence booster! Now, ask yourself if this field has still something that interests you, something that you think you want to be good at. Anyone to learn it from? Then try to embark on the journey with patience, cheering any small advances you'd make along.

You've plenty of time for that!

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#479

Post by emerongi »

bubba_sparks wrote: post #89

Greetings neighbor and fellow traveler. Here's a few ideas. * Do nothing. "Doing nothing often leads to the very best of something." - Winnie the pooh * Stop going to work. "I don't like my job and I don't think I'm gonna go anymore." Peter from Office space. * Let it all play out. My uncle Coydog used to say, "You got to let the river take its course." Well, what does that mean? I don't know. I used to ask him the s…

bubba_sparks, thanks for this wonderful comment. You have brought clarity to my life with very few words. I hope it sticks for a while in my brain :).

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#480

Post by 29athrowaway »

rjh29 wrote: post #288
29athrowaway wrote: post #62

This sounds like adult ADHD, which is treatable: > only to never execute them for various reasons or get started with them only to never fully complete them and see it all the way through. > unable to concentrate, riddled with brain fog, and unsure of my future Go see a psychiatrist, mention those points and they will fix your problem in no time.

It's always worth getting checked, but jumping to ADHD is a bit much. OP is handling mobile + web apps working 70-80 hours a week, is that really possible for someone who has ADHD and isn't invested in the work? Burnout itself can cause all of these symptoms, as can depression or simply lack of sleep.

Lack of sleep, anxiety, stress, nutrient deficiency, excess caffeine, etc.
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