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Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

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Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#161

Post by Jem »

WayneDB wrote: post #141
Jem wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having watched a friend do it a few times, I think only someone who has never adopted would ask the question "why wouldn't you _just_ adopt?"

I am close to two sets of families who each adopted multiple kids. One family adopted 2 kids from Russia and the other adopted 2 from China. The first family also had multiple children biologically. Honestly, the 4 adoptions seemed much easier to me than the biological process which I've also seen many times. This probably sounds terrible, but you can also return the adopted ones if there are any major problems (and…

"Honestly, the 4 adoptions seemed much easier to me than the biological process which I've also seen many times."

I can't even begin to understand how that would be possible.

My friend who has adopted from overseas spent several years and thousands of dollars (something like $45,000 if I recall correctly) making it happen.

I had sex a couple of months ago and now I'm 8 1/2 weeks pregnant.

Let's just say I know which route I found easier.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#162

Post by rsaarelm »

giardini wrote: post #156
run4yourlives wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of the beauties of the human experience is that we can overcome our genetic "switches" to derive a more positive experience. You're not a slave to your instincts unless you want to be.

" One of the beauties of the human experience is that we can overcome our genetic "switches" to derive a more positive experience. You're not a slave to your instincts unless you want to be. " That's old tabula rasa thinking - it's false. Tell that to someone who has fallen in love (another example of this type of genetically-programmed behavior) or who has bonded normally with their child. They'll laugh you out of t…

Tabula rasa says there are no real switches. Grandparent is saying that there are, but we don't have to obey them unthinkingly.

Not all switches in the human brain are for stuff that's as nice as caring for children or falling in love, so you might still want to think twice before unquestioningly endorsing their superior wisdom over conscious thought.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#163

Post by rdtsc »

bad_user wrote: post #157
0ffworlder wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

harlequin baby... nanural selection is a bitch lol. 0_o

Yeah, unfortunately natural selection doesn't favor intelligence.

I would also like to apologize for his words.

Unfortunately even HN has its trolls....

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#165

Post by bryanlarsen »

stat wrote: post #149
deanproxy wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is hilarious because this is exactly what both my wife and I think and we would have said exactly the same thing as you just did. I think some people are geared for it. Some people are not. Unfortunately, a lot of people that aren't geared for it still end up having children anyway and that becomes a huge mess, obviously. I personally just don't like children. My family begs my wife and I to have children and it…

"We understand the complexities of having a child and we also understand how selfish we currently are." How is not having a child selfish? I believe that having children is way more selfish - there's already 6 billions mouths feed and it's just adding another one.

There are 7 billion people in the world not 6, yet approximately 50% of all food produced is thrown out uneaten. Sorry, you'll have to find another drum to pound.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#166

Post by AppSec »

gujk wrote: post #60
aidos wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I became a father 2 weeks ago and that's the thing that's struck me most. We're only 2 weeks into it and we are giving everything we have night and day to look after our daughter. I don't recall ever hearing my parents using it against me or even mentioning it. You suddenly realize that ever parent has just taken it on the chin and selflessly put themselves second to their children. As a father I completely understan…

2 weeks milestone/warning for the next few months: It gets worse. Then it gets better. Then you just have to get used to the new lifestyle.

Then it gets worse... Then it gets better.. Then it gets worse.. Then it gets better... I'm not sure how long that loop lasts.. But dealing with teething, sickness, going from crib to bed, etc.

The hours of sleep change from time to time. But there is nothing quite like seeing your child look at you with a grin from ear to ear when you come home and they come running up to you saying "DADDY!" (or "MOMMY" -- but I'm not a mother ;) ).

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#167

Post by deanproxy »

stat wrote: post #149
deanproxy wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is hilarious because this is exactly what both my wife and I think and we would have said exactly the same thing as you just did. I think some people are geared for it. Some people are not. Unfortunately, a lot of people that aren't geared for it still end up having children anyway and that becomes a huge mess, obviously. I personally just don't like children. My family begs my wife and I to have children and it…

"We understand the complexities of having a child and we also understand how selfish we currently are." How is not having a child selfish? I believe that having children is way more selfish - there's already 6 billions mouths feed and it's just adding another one.

I guess it's a matter of perception. If I'm going to have a child, I'm basically giving up my lifestyle of travel, going out wherever/whenever I want, spending money on what I want, eating out all the time, etc... In order to provide for that child. This is selfish activity, as far as I'm concerned. However, this is how my wife and I live at the moment. We don't want a child ruining our fun! :)

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#168

Post by giardini »

rsaarelm wrote: post #162
giardini wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

" One of the beauties of the human experience is that we can overcome our genetic "switches" to derive a more positive experience. You're not a slave to your instincts unless you want to be. " That's old tabula rasa thinking - it's false. Tell that to someone who has fallen in love (another example of this type of genetically-programmed behavior) or who has bonded normally with their child. They'll laugh you out of t…

Tabula rasa says there are no real switches. Grandparent is saying that there are, but we don't have to obey them unthinkingly. Not all switches in the human brain are for stuff that's as nice as caring for children or falling in love, so you might still want to think twice before unquestioningly endorsing their superior wisdom over conscious thought.

- "Grandparent is saying that there are, but we don't have to obey them unthinkingly."

How does he know that we can override genetic behaviors? Sure, we can try, but that doesn't mean that we can override them.

- "you might still want to think twice before unquestioningly endorsing their superior wisdom over conscious thought."

Don't put words in my mouth. I said: "it may be best (for the other, certainly) not to try."

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#169

Post by Goladus »

gbog wrote: post #152
Goladus wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think it's incredibly selfish to bring new kids into the world when there are so many that nobody wants. Having a child is a selfish thing to do regardless. That's not really much of an accusation.

> Having a child is a selfish thing to do regardless. Ridiculous. As stated elsewhere, having kids is giving a part of your self to create a new independent self. It will teach you the hard way compassion, love to the other, etc. It is exactly the opposite of selfishness. How the hell can you hold such a paradoxical statement? editadd: There is a very strong anti-child line of thought in the US, I felt it in many occ…

> How the hell can you hold such a paradoxical statement?

I think in this case, the paradox unravels if you realize that I precisely chose the words "having a child" instead of "raising a child."

The decision to mate is usually selfish, and the decision to spawn offspring is also selfish (except where it's careless). People don't have sex because it's their duty. People don't try to conceive a child because they feel responsible to anyone but themselves. They decide they want the experience of raising a child, and so they do it for themselves. The experience itself is, obviously, a mixture of selflessness and selfishness.

Also, the word "selfish" has slightly more negative connotations than I would prefer, but I can't think of any suitable words that wouldn't require a whole paragraph to qualify.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#170

Post by rsaarelm »

giardini wrote: post #168
rsaarelm wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tabula rasa says there are no real switches. Grandparent is saying that there are, but we don't have to obey them unthinkingly. Not all switches in the human brain are for stuff that's as nice as caring for children or falling in love, so you might still want to think twice before unquestioningly endorsing their superior wisdom over conscious thought.

- " Grandparent is saying that there are, but we don't have to obey them unthinkingly. " How does he know that we can override genetic behaviors? Sure, we can try , but that doesn't mean that we can override them. - " you might still want to think twice before unquestioningly endorsing their superior wisdom over conscious thought. " Don't put words in my mouth. I said: "it may be best (for the other, certainly) not t…

How does he know that we can override genetic behaviors? Sure, we can try, but that doesn't mean that we can override them.

Given that you could view large parts of human culture as semi-successful overrides of instinctual behaviors, I'm not entirely sure what kind of thing your thinking of that might not be possible even in principle. Not feeling the instinctual impulses to begin with as opposed to not acting upon them?

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