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I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

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Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#131

Post by gjulianm »

silisili wrote: post #119

I feel really conflicted on this one. On the surface, he's right, let kids be kids. But parents almost always overstep their bounds to do what they think is best for their child. We've all heard of Tiger Moms, and parents basically forcing their kids into being a doctor for their own good. When it fails, it fails spectacularly, but it often doesn't fail. Is it wrong that a child was forced into something that gave th…

> but it often doesn't fail. Is it wrong that a child was forced into something that gave them a great life?

I've seen it fail more often than not fail. Maybe from the outside the person has a great life but on the inside they're not actually happy.

> It just feels weird hearing a millionaire, rather successful, badmouth his parents and throw a pity party because they made him do something he was good at as a child. The vast majority of people would likely trade their position for his, childhood be damned.

I'm not that sure. What good does it make to be millionaire if you're deeply unhappy? Of course, if someone is starving right now they might want to swap places, or if they're unhappy already they might as well be unhappy with more money. But I don't think that state is something people really want.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#132

Post by Scarblac »

irrational wrote: post #22
manmal wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Clarification: I‘m talking about self-actualization & leisure time here, not chores. > What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. If you stop applying pressure, children will find their own thing, and that’s the best outcome for them. Just make sure they know the possibilities of what they could do. What would you have liked to do instead of learning piano? Did you…

That's not true. I never pushed my kids and now that they are adults they are angry with my for not pushing them. For example, "Why didn't you make us play sports?" Well, if you had told me you wanted to play sports I would have supported you, but you never said anything. It turns out that kids don't really know have the maturity to do things unless pushed or encouraged by parents. Who knew?

I make my kids do sports, but let them try out different ones until they find one they like.

As a parent I had all these ideas for them - socially it can be good to be in a team sport, it's nice to have something that you're good at that you can also still do as an adult, if you move cities later its a way to meet people there so do something a lot of people do in an organized way... But we'll see what they end up with. The oldest is into (inline) skating.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#133

Post by emptyfile »

pvorb wrote: post #25
TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #6

Now think how many children suffered the same fate, but we’ll never hear about it because they did not become famous. Reminds me of “dance moms” or “cheer moms”, “football dads”, etc. If you’re a parent, remember not to live your unfulfilled dreams through your children.

You mean like trying to get your kid into programming, which is a bit more common around here?

Ohh, that hit a nerve apparently.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#134

Post by silisili »

TazeTSchnitzel wrote: post #124
silisili wrote: post #119

I feel really conflicted on this one. On the surface, he's right, let kids be kids. But parents almost always overstep their bounds to do what they think is best for their child. We've all heard of Tiger Moms, and parents basically forcing their kids into being a doctor for their own good. When it fails, it fails spectacularly, but it often doesn't fail. Is it wrong that a child was forced into something that gave th…

“Something he was good at as a child” You can become good at anything with practice. The standards for a 7-year-old are very low, and the fact he became good at acting is probably because he was forced to do it so much. I assume he'd rather have had a less traumatic childhood than be a millionaire.

Would he rather have grown up in Eastern KY with a free childhood, but the only real job prospect being coal mining?

I mean, ideally we all want wealthy parents who give us unlimited time and support and freedom, to pick a job we love doing and get paid well, etc. But it's just not reality for 99% of people.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#135

Post by spoiler »

silisili wrote: post #119

I feel really conflicted on this one. On the surface, he's right, let kids be kids. But parents almost always overstep their bounds to do what they think is best for their child. We've all heard of Tiger Moms, and parents basically forcing their kids into being a doctor for their own good. When it fails, it fails spectacularly, but it often doesn't fail. Is it wrong that a child was forced into something that gave th…

> Is it wrong that a child was forced into something that gave them a great life?

There's a difference between encouragement and support and forcing. Forcing is never good or healthy. It's always abuse, no matter the mental gymnastics involved we use self-rationalise traumatic childhoods.

It's no different from me forcong you right now to do something. Parents don't own their children. They can buy a doll if they want a doll.

Edit: also "great" mean little in this context, as it means different things to different people.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#136

Post by tinco »

mavhc wrote: post #15
BarryMilo wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People don't want to believe. I try to explain to my friends why I won't watch anything with children as prominent characters, but they generally don't want to hear it, because "Stranger Things is so good" or something. Hollywood is the land of depravity and abuse. It's no place for children.

And Stranger Things isn't good, it's just a mashup of 80s films that are at least twice as old as the actors, no original ideas at all. The problem is more celebrity rather than the filming process. Make it illegal to report any "news", ie gossip, about anyone under 18 for a start.

Something doesn't have to have original ideas to be good. Stranger Things is specifically great at being unoriginal. The show is brilliantly shot, well paced, engrossing and thrilling and the (child) actors were amazing. Just the 80s feeling it evokes is something I've not and I think the industry has not experienced at that scale in decades.

You put it exactly right that it's the celebrity that's the problem. I'm not sure if your proposed solution is it though. Remember what Star Wars "fans" did to those the prequel actors. Those people weren't reading any gossip magazines, they were doing it on forums and gatherings, if it had existed they would do it on Twitter. How could we have protected the kids that played Anakin?

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#137

Post by BaculumMeumEst »

jerkstate wrote: post #73

Quoted post unavailable.

The article says his mom actively denies forcing him to be a child star and does not acknowledge his abuse. Somebody who does not acknowledge their wrongdoings does not deserve forgiveness.

If his parents did not force him to become famous, he would not need to write this blog post...

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#138

Post by TazeTSchnitzel »

silisili wrote: post #134
TazeTSchnitzel wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Something he was good at as a child” You can become good at anything with practice. The standards for a 7-year-old are very low, and the fact he became good at acting is probably because he was forced to do it so much. I assume he'd rather have had a less traumatic childhood than be a millionaire.

Would he rather have grown up in Eastern KY with a free childhood, but the only real job prospect being coal mining? I mean, ideally we all want wealthy parents who give us unlimited time and support and freedom, to pick a job we love doing and get paid well, etc. But it's just not reality for 99% of people.

You can change career later in life, but you can't get back a happy childhood you never had.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#139

Post by gjulianm »

pvorb wrote: post #25
TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #6

Now think how many children suffered the same fate, but we’ll never hear about it because they did not become famous. Reminds me of “dance moms” or “cheer moms”, “football dads”, etc. If you’re a parent, remember not to live your unfulfilled dreams through your children.

You mean like trying to get your kid into programming, which is a bit more common around here?

I think there's a difference between trying to show your kid something you think they might find interesting, and pushing them into it.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#140

Post by ludston »

bobthepanda wrote: post #92
shkkmo wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is a difference between pushing you kids to try things to see what they like, and pushing you kids to keep doing something when they've tried it and told you they want to stop.

also, I feel like piano and violin are the very classic choices for parents picking out music education for their kids, when there is so much more than that to the world of music. I absolutely hated every single moment of piano and never really got good at it. It was a different story once I got selected for a chorus in school.

It's quite possible that the musical skills you picked up from your piano lessons are reason why you had the "talent" to picked for your schools chorus.
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