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What’re you referencing? I have not heard of any such thing.
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I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
91–100 of 367 posts
Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
#92Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's a tough one. If you discover a passion for something as an adult, you'll often wish your parents had pushed you into it as a kid. I feel this way about music, zero education as a kid, started late as an adult, but feel I'll never catch up. Though there's no way of knowing whether I'd have felt the same as a kid, or pushed back against it at the time.
There is a difference between pushing you kids to try things to see what they like, and pushing you kids to keep doing something when they've tried it and told you they want to stop.
also, I feel like piano and violin are the very classic choices for parents picking out music education for their kids, when there is so much more than that to the world of music.
I absolutely hated every single moment of piano and never really got good at it. It was a different story once I got selected for a chorus in school.
Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
#93Earlier quoted context omitted.
Clarification: I‘m talking about self-actualization & leisure time here, not chores. > What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. If you stop applying pressure, children will find their own thing, and that’s the best outcome for them. Just make sure they know the possibilities of what they could do. What would you have liked to do instead of learning piano? Did you…
I have a 10 and an 8 year old, and I don't agree that kids will find their own thing. I have to apply a fair amount of pressure to get 20 minutes of reading homework on school nights. I even have to apply some pressure to get them to put their laundry in the basket and put their clean clothes away. There are heaps of things that just aren't that fun but that are actually important.
I recently came across Jane Nelson and positive discipline [1] which I found quite enlightening. I think we often underestimate how well kids understand the importance of things if we sit down and treat them as equals. That said sometimes everyone needs a push, but I think it is important not to push something that is not being enjoyed at all just because "it is good for you".
Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
#94Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…
I wish I was pushed as a child to play the piano. And I did it for my child. He endured it for a year. He's talented and he's at the beginner's level, but when we observed closely, he didn't want to practise. He only did it when we threatened him with stopping the lessons. So we just let it go. Now we have a piano at the house. He sometimes plays whatever he likes. Maybe he will pick it up later in his life. Maybe I…
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Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
#95No post body was provided.
Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
#96Quoted post unavailable.
It's not normal for parents to 'fuck up your childhood'. It is normal for your childhood to be far from ideal because of the flaws of your parents and that is indeed something many people will have to come to terms with. But the latter is far less damaging than the first: it's like regret vs. something akin to PTSD.
Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
#97Now think how many children suffered the same fate, but we’ll never hear about it because they did not become famous. Reminds me of “dance moms” or “cheer moms”, “football dads”, etc. If you’re a parent, remember not to live your unfulfilled dreams through your children.
You mean like trying to get your kid into programming, which is a bit more common around here?
Hats off to you, this was very interesting.
Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
#98It feels obvious now that kids should not be on tv at all, by the same logic that they can't consent to sex. They can't consent to the huge ramifications of public exposure.
They can't consent to the ramifications of mandatory schooling for the first 16 or so years of their life, either, which shows how much we actually care about children's agency.
Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
#99Earlier quoted context omitted.
Clarification: I‘m talking about self-actualization & leisure time here, not chores. > What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. If you stop applying pressure, children will find their own thing, and that’s the best outcome for them. Just make sure they know the possibilities of what they could do. What would you have liked to do instead of learning piano? Did you…
> There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. Surprised to read this. There have been many well-documented cases of children not wanting to learn math, science, history, etc, or go outside for exercise, where the parents denied their children’s agency and forced them to do so. Long-term studies indicate a tendency towards positive outcomes.
I would be interested in those studies, if you can point me to them (article name would suffice). It would be great if those studies not only included outcome scores (force a child to learn math and they will improve in math, duh), but also anxiety scores and other wellbeing parameters.
Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea
#100Quoted post unavailable.
> I've felt for a while that you truly become an adult when you forgive your parents for fucking up your childhood.
This is absolutely, voraciously bad advice and no one should listen to it.
You are absolutely an adult when you're an adult. You can cut those people right out of your life and that is an adult and valid thing to do. You are under no obligations to forgive or have a relationship with them. If they only bring bad feelings into your life then don't let them in.