Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

wilwheaton.net

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

51–60 of 367 posts

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#51

Post by khazhoux »

irrational wrote: post #22
manmal wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Clarification: I‘m talking about self-actualization & leisure time here, not chores. > What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. If you stop applying pressure, children will find their own thing, and that’s the best outcome for them. Just make sure they know the possibilities of what they could do. What would you have liked to do instead of learning piano? Did you…

That's not true. I never pushed my kids and now that they are adults they are angry with my for not pushing them. For example, "Why didn't you make us play sports?" Well, if you had told me you wanted to play sports I would have supported you, but you never said anything. It turns out that kids don't really know have the maturity to do things unless pushed or encouraged by parents. Who knew?

I begged my parents for an electric guitar and they bought me one. But I didn’t enjoy my first couple of guitar lessons and my parents said “Whatever, quit.” Fast-forward my raging envy in high school at my friends shredding on stage while I could bang out a few chords.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#53

Post by spoiler »

pvorb wrote: post #25
TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #6

Now think how many children suffered the same fate, but we’ll never hear about it because they did not become famous. Reminds me of “dance moms” or “cheer moms”, “football dads”, etc. If you’re a parent, remember not to live your unfulfilled dreams through your children.

You mean like trying to get your kid into programming, which is a bit more common around here?

Trying to share your interest with a kid is not abuse. It's fine even to try multiple times, because children's interests can change throught development. That's very very different from projecting and seeing children as an extension of the parent instead of individuals, which is a form of abuse.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#54

Post by belval »

mavhc wrote: post #15
BarryMilo wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People don't want to believe. I try to explain to my friends why I won't watch anything with children as prominent characters, but they generally don't want to hear it, because "Stranger Things is so good" or something. Hollywood is the land of depravity and abuse. It's no place for children.

And Stranger Things isn't good, it's just a mashup of 80s films that are at least twice as old as the actors, no original ideas at all. The problem is more celebrity rather than the filming process. Make it illegal to report any "news", ie gossip, about anyone under 18 for a start.

Just to push that thought a bit further, it's fine if you don't like stranger things but a mashup of 80s ideas is "original" for more than half the US population (median age is 38 y/o).

I'm in my twenties, my parents watched movies in the 80s, and even then they were young. Discounting a TV show because it rips off ideas from things that are 40 years old seems like a harsh stance to take.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#55

Post by manmal »

khazhoux wrote: post #51
irrational wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's not true. I never pushed my kids and now that they are adults they are angry with my for not pushing them. For example, "Why didn't you make us play sports?" Well, if you had told me you wanted to play sports I would have supported you, but you never said anything. It turns out that kids don't really know have the maturity to do things unless pushed or encouraged by parents. Who knew?

I begged my parents for an electric guitar and they bought me one. But I didn’t enjoy my first couple of guitar lessons and my parents said “Whatever, quit.” Fast-forward my raging envy in high school at my friends shredding on stage while I could bang out a few chords.

Do you think you‘d be great at guitar, and love playing it, if your parents had forced you to take lessons?

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#56

Post by shkkmo »

jay_kyburz wrote: post #40
shkkmo wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Chores and homework are a long way from forced hobbies and careers. The question is about pushing your kids to do things you think they should like.

It wasn't when the OP first posted the comment.

It was, the intent hasn't changed. I commented to try to clarify that intent before the top comment was edited to include it's own clarification.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#57

Post by blitzar »

irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

> This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up

Funnily enough, every friend brought up "working class", who had no access to music / sport etc is envious of my forced violin lessons, choir practice and sports after school all year round.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#58

Post by noneeeed »

irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

We encourage our kids to do sport and music, but they choose which ones (and have both changed as they get older) and we stop if they are not enjoying it or getting something out of it. We are also careful about what teachers/schools they go to to avoid ones that are mills for competitions etc. some teachers are as bad as over competitive parents.

The important thing is to encourage but listen to them. And to make it clear that they can just do it for fun.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#59

Post by spoiler »

chrischen wrote: post #27

Keep in mind this doesn’t just happen with child actors. A lot of kids (such as those of tiger moms) suffer from this. And because they are kids they don’t know any better.

I really hate these euphemisms for abusive care givers. It isn't "tiger mums," more often than not it's just covert/vulnerable narcissistic parents.

I'm not saying it's always the case, but can we really appreciate parents that have so little empathy that they can't see how much suffering their egocentricity causes their own children?

Edit: typo

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#60

Post by bigmealbigmeal »

obiefernandez wrote: post #14
manmal wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Clarification: I‘m talking about self-actualization & leisure time here, not chores. > What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. If you stop applying pressure, children will find their own thing, and that’s the best outcome for them. Just make sure they know the possibilities of what they could do. What would you have liked to do instead of learning piano? Did you…

I wish my parents had pushed me to practice piano. They subjected me to lessons for almost 2 years, and I didn't mind (although the 30 minute drive each way to the teacher's house sucked.) However, between lessons instead of practicing I would just fck off and improvise and try to teach myself popular songs instead of actually practicing, and I'm not talking about hours each day either, maybe more like a few minutes.…

"I would just fck off and improvise and try to teach myself popular songs instead of actually practicing"

I did the exact same thing, except now I'm a skilled keyboardist (and multi-instrumentalist) who gets paid for gigs. I still spend most of my time fucking around and improvising. Every bit of theory I discovered through fucking around and just exploring freely. I never do scales: I just pick a key and start improvising.

If my parents had pushed me to 'actually practice', I would have rebelled and quit altogether. They did for a couple of years. And I did quit. Fortunately, I found my way back to it, on my own terms, because I simply loved playing instruments -- but I loved doing it on my own terms, not someone else's.

The frank truth is that some people really like playing instruments, and some are just 'meh' about it. Those who have a tendency to enjoy playing an instrument just need to have access to one -- and then they'll find their way. On the other hand, if a child is 'meh' about an instrument, is it really worth punishing and forcing them through all of it? What's the goddamn point? Isn't life to be enjoyed? Is it really just a series of skills to stoically master?

Post reply on HN