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Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

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Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#41

Post by a5seo »

Tichy wrote: post #13

Nicely written, although I have to say I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it. Exhausting at times, yes, but nothing that gets me angry. As for my old life - maybe I wasn't partying hard enough, because I don't really miss it that much. OK, it is terrifying, but not because the kid is a terrorist. It is terrifying because life suddenly has you by the guts. I guess I cared a…

> I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it

It depends on your partner a lot. If your partner stays home, doesn't mind if you travel 50% of the time, or allows you to arrive home late from work (after 6) every night, it's just a completely different ball game.

Having NOT lived in that situation and splitting child care responsibility 50-50, I've found the adage "you can't serve two masters," is true for me. Either my business or my kids will suffer, even with 50-50.

So I've decided to allow the business to suffer, which means I don't create situations where I'll let down 3rd parties (investors, customers) due to my limited, erratic schedule (9a-5p and 8p-11p M-F, with random days off when day care shuts down or early departures from the office for 3:30p day care pickup).

But I only have the luxury of doing this because I sold my last company before we had kids. My advice to entrepreneurs who plan to have kids: find a partner who wants to take primary responsibility for child care (or hire an awesome full-time nanny) so you can put as much as you need to into your business. OR save enough money to be able to bootstrap and be available to your kids as much as they need you.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#42

Post by Tichy »

ra wrote: post #30
Tichy wrote: post #13

Nicely written, although I have to say I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it. Exhausting at times, yes, but nothing that gets me angry. As for my old life - maybe I wasn't partying hard enough, because I don't really miss it that much. OK, it is terrifying, but not because the kid is a terrorist. It is terrifying because life suddenly has you by the guts. I guess I cared a…

I guess I cared a little about my own survival before, but now I really want to survive to be able to be there for my kid... Exactly how I feel. Nicely written, although I have to say I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it. Exhausting at times, yes, but nothing that gets me angry. Wait, it'll come!

"Wait, it'll come!"

Granted, it will probably come. But I wonder if it will really make me angry. I fully expect that at some point my child will try to test my limits - it's basically his job. But knowing it is what he has to do, maybe it won't really make me angry. We'll see.

On the other hand, I wonder if the time aspect won't become better over time. Right now we have to watch the baby all the time to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. But there will be the time when he can play by himself of with friends. Of course by then there are also a lot more things we could do with him, which might induce us to spend more time with him in turn.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#43

Post by Tichy »

a5seo wrote: post #41
Tichy wrote: post #13

Nicely written, although I have to say I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it. Exhausting at times, yes, but nothing that gets me angry. As for my old life - maybe I wasn't partying hard enough, because I don't really miss it that much. OK, it is terrifying, but not because the kid is a terrorist. It is terrifying because life suddenly has you by the guts. I guess I cared a…

> I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it It depends on your partner a lot. If your partner stays home, doesn't mind if you travel 50% of the time, or allows you to arrive home late from work (after 6) every night, it's just a completely different ball game. Having NOT lived in that situation and splitting child care responsibility 50-50, I've found the adage "you can't serv…

True enough, and I don't even have enough money yet to see all this with peace of mind. But still, I can't help thinking: I am not Steve Jobs, so it is an easy decision (what I do is not that earth shattering atm). My business is not really that important, as long as I make enough to put food on the table.

Also grandparents help, money helps. If you have money, I suppose you could also hire a babysitter.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#44

Post by [deleted] »

bambax wrote: post #8

> 49% incredible pain in the ass, 51% most sublime joy you've ever felt; that one percent makes all the difference. Between 49 and 51 I count a difference of two percents? > Turns out, we're having two babies, due in mid-February 2012. Aha. Let's talk again in a year or two, see who you'd throw under a bus. I have three of those myself. I don't really subscribe to this whole "kids are wonderful" cliché. The first kid…

[deleted]

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#45

Post by pestaa »

bambax wrote: post #29
pestaa wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If they misbehave, that's another story to discuss. But the manner in which you publicly talk about your own family is just disgusting. I have only higher words even about my dog even with the headaches she causes sometimes.

Thanks for commenting, because I can't understand the downvotes. I still don't see where I "publicly talk about my own family" in a "disgusting" way, but if that's how my comment comes across, it sure looks bad. For all it's worth, I love my kids. Of course. And I would throw myself under a bus for any of them. Of course. And I almost have, twice (under my motorbike, which is not a bus, but weights over 400 pounds).…

I didn't downvote you even if I could have, because it was clear to me where you were coming from (I disliked the article too, though for different reasons.)

However, you (generally, not specifically you) would never say in front of your kids "well I love the first, but the others?" unless you're out of your mind. Imagine they'll dig down in the HN archives.

It can have such a long-term harmful effect on their self-images. The difference might be that this kind of abuse is a bit more explicit compared to the public praise.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#46

Post by kittxkat »

dgabriel wrote: post #40

Congrats to Jeff! My firstborn is also Henry, and I have two year old twin girls (Ada and Alice). The most interesting things about twins is how incredibly different they are from each other. They were nurtured in the same way, they share the same sets of genes, but they are wholly and fully their own people from day 1. It is completely fascinating stuff.

Ada and Alice. Might I ask if the inspiration for those two names came from a computer background? (Ada for the first programmer, and Alice for the first Apple computer)

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#47

Post by libria »

bambax wrote: post #29
pestaa wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If they misbehave, that's another story to discuss. But the manner in which you publicly talk about your own family is just disgusting. I have only higher words even about my dog even with the headaches she causes sometimes.

Thanks for commenting, because I can't understand the downvotes. I still don't see where I "publicly talk about my own family" in a "disgusting" way, but if that's how my comment comes across, it sure looks bad. For all it's worth, I love my kids. Of course. And I would throw myself under a bus for any of them. Of course. And I almost have, twice (under my motorbike, which is not a bus, but weights over 400 pounds).…

You probably got downvoted because while everyone was having a kumbaya moment, you "went there". I appreciate your level perspective FWIW.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#48

Post by Jem »

Tichy wrote: post #42
ra wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I guess I cared a little about my own survival before, but now I really want to survive to be able to be there for my kid... Exactly how I feel. Nicely written, although I have to say I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it. Exhausting at times, yes, but nothing that gets me angry. Wait, it'll come!

"Wait, it'll come!" Granted, it will probably come. But I wonder if it will really make me angry. I fully expect that at some point my child will try to test my limits - it's basically his job. But knowing it is what he has to do, maybe it won't really make me angry. We'll see. On the other hand, I wonder if the time aspect won't become better over time. Right now we have to watch the baby all the time to make sure h…

I don't know how old your kid is, but my little girl is 2 in a few weeks and she sure as hell tests my limits.

I am a VERY laid-back person. I don't believe that kids exist purely to manipulate us, and I do believe that a lot of what some people think is "misbehaving" is just a kid's learning journey (exploring emotions, boundaries etc) but even so... wow. I've found patience I never knew I had.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#49

Post by Jem »

bambax wrote: post #29
pestaa wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If they misbehave, that's another story to discuss. But the manner in which you publicly talk about your own family is just disgusting. I have only higher words even about my dog even with the headaches she causes sometimes.

Thanks for commenting, because I can't understand the downvotes. I still don't see where I "publicly talk about my own family" in a "disgusting" way, but if that's how my comment comes across, it sure looks bad. For all it's worth, I love my kids. Of course. And I would throw myself under a bus for any of them. Of course. And I almost have, twice (under my motorbike, which is not a bus, but weights over 400 pounds).…

I didn't down-vote you because I think I get what you're saying (even if I don't agree), but your first comment initially reads like: a) you're suggesting you'd throw your kids under a bus, and b) you only love your first.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#50

Post by gbog »

michaelll wrote: post #22
gbog wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For me the main discovery is that of pure bidirectional unconditional love

Sure, I loved him from the start, but he really wasn't very interactive in the beginning and definitely a lot of work. For me the true bond really came when the little guy started following me everywhere, crawling with great effort, just not to lose sight of me. Yes, it is a burden when I am trying to fix a cup of coffee and he's standing there holding my leg making it difficult to walk from the counter to the sink,…

Sure, this is not bidi in the very beginning, and later it can get messy.
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