Jeff Atwood On Parenthood • Hacker News Board

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#31

Post by wanorris » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:18 PM UTC

MikeMacMan wrote: post #16

gldalmaso wrote: post #4

I couldn't agree more with Jeff. I myself have said it on multiple ocasions, having a kid is an emotional roller coster. It's amazing just how much you fall in love with them and with life, but there also quite a few moments where you just wanna disappear, leave it all behind and just... rest... These times are a real challenge. You HAVE to deal with it, you just cannot give up, and most of the time there isn't reall…

Parenthood is kind of a good rehearsal for founding a company: you won't sleep much, you're very emotionally invested, you're on the hook for everything, and boy is it hard without the right partner.

Parenthood also makes founding a company 100 times harder, because you don't have the luxury of throwing yourself into the company 100% and never looking back. You have other responsibilities, and just letting them go to concentrate on your business comes at the cost of not being there for these wonderful little beings that you brought into the world.

And quitting your job to try a startup is fraught with a whole new peril -- you've got a family to feed!

I can imagine starting a part-time lifestyle business and taking it full-time if it ever became successful enough, but never a full-on work-til-you-can't-work-anymore startup. People who can do this after they have kids have my utmost respect, but I genuinely don't know how they can do it.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#32

Post by mynameishere » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:20 PM UTC

Little tip for any budding writers: Whenever you feel the urge to use the word "enormity", use enormousness or magnitude instead. Especially if you're talking about your children.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#33

Post by beza1e1 » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:22 PM UTC

bodegajed wrote: post #19

This is not Parenting Magazine. I am a parent, but I came here to read about startups, technology and etc.. What happened?

Where do you go for parenting?

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#34

Post by artmageddon » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:24 PM UTC

bodegajed wrote: post #19

This is not Parenting Magazine. I am a parent, but I came here to read about startups, technology and etc.. What happened?

There are people who want to have startups, deal with technology, AND be parents, too. There's no reason that they must be mutually exclusive. Besides, the number of articles regarding parenting on this site is a metaphorical drop in the ocean of tech articles.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#35

Post by wanorris » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:26 PM UTC

wgx wrote: post #5

I whole heartedly agree. Our baby is 1 next week and it has been, without doubt, the most amazing, terrifying, tiring and joyous year. Can't wait to teach him to code.

Just remember: you don't get to pick what fascinates your children. He may love sitting by your side learning all about coding -- and he may get bored and restless and want you to go outside and throw a ball around with him.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#36

Post by aidos » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:29 PM UTC

bhrgunatha wrote: post #21

brc wrote: post #11

So true that you can't explain to people. You can try, but they will either get the horror, or the bliss, but they'll never understand the strange and gut-bustingly hard mix of the two, and how quickly it swings from one to the other. When they are defying you and just threw food over the kitchen, you'll get grey hairs trying to fight the urge to blow your top. You'll say things you promised yourself you would never…

One thing that surprised me immensely was the unexpected new perspective and sense of respect for my own parents who had obviously been through it all themselves.

I became a father 2 weeks ago and that's the thing that's struck me most. We're only 2 weeks into it and we are giving everything we have night and day to look after our daughter.

I don't recall ever hearing my parents using it against me or even mentioning it. You suddenly realize that ever parent has just taken it on the chin and selflessly put themselves second to their children.

As a father I completely understand why, as a child I just had no idea (until now).

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#37

Post by jkeel » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:30 PM UTC

This was a great post. My wife and I have 4 kids and even though we are technically "outnumbered" we try our best to get everyone in on the idea that we are a team in this adventure of life. It's hard but it's wonderful too!

This was my favorite line: "Children give the first four years of your life back to you."

It's true! They teach you in those 4 years so much about life and I think the true loving nature of humans before we all get shaped through our environments.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#38

Post by deskamess » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:30 PM UTC

michaelll wrote: post #22

gbog wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For me the main discovery is that of pure bidirectional unconditional love

Sure, I loved him from the start, but he really wasn't very interactive in the beginning and definitely a lot of work. For me the true bond really came when the little guy started following me everywhere, crawling with great effort, just not to lose sight of me. Yes, it is a burden when I am trying to fix a cup of coffee and he's standing there holding my leg making it difficult to walk from the counter to the sink,…

Thanks for writing that first paragraph. It was not an instant thing with me either... the first 2-3 months (maybe more) were spent helping taking care of and playing with my daughter and wondering now what... And then she started cracking open a smile every time I came back from work/groceries/etc. Every time. It was a simple acknowledgement, and I fell for it...

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#39

Post by wgx » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:34 PM UTC

wanorris wrote: post #35

wgx wrote: post #5

I whole heartedly agree. Our baby is 1 next week and it has been, without doubt, the most amazing, terrifying, tiring and joyous year. Can't wait to teach him to code.

Just remember: you don't get to pick what fascinates your children. He may love sitting by your side learning all about coding -- and he may get bored and restless and want you to go outside and throw a ball around with him.

He can code a physics engine and throw a ball in that.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#40

Post by dgabriel » Mon, Oct 24, 2011, 2:36 PM UTC

Congrats to Jeff! My firstborn is also Henry, and I have two year old twin girls (Ada and Alice). The most interesting things about twins is how incredibly different they are from each other. They were nurtured in the same way, they share the same sets of genes, but they are wholly and fully their own people from day 1. It is completely fascinating stuff.