Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has been mentioned by others, but this is the best book (imo) by the originator of ACT [0]. I reread it once a year just to remember all the gems in here.
Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
151–160 of 240 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
#152I nearly failed out of college because of this. I would have a paper due in n days, and would absolutely refuse to do it, in hindsight because I didn't want to spend weeks working on it just to get a D (who does?). I would literally get to ~24 hours before due date and have a 20 page paper to write with zero done. No reading, no research, I'd be lucky to even have a topic. I'd then regurgitate some garbage that barely met the requirements (if it even did), get the D anyway, and justify it by the fact that I "passed" and saved all that time. In retrospect, over a decade later, I was just terrified of trying and failing, so took solace in not trying and failing.
Re: Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
#153The best solution to getting past the anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle is to take small, manageable actions while accepting the feelings that go along with those actions. Start with the smallest steps possible. Maybe that means opening the assignment and saving it to your computer. Then put it down and walk away. Come back in a little while and take another small step, such as reading over the assignment or making an out…
This is very good advice.
It can be also combined with a couple of neat tricks: talking with somebody about it & making a list about it.
Re: Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
#154* Find a different source for your self-worth other than whether you succeed at certain tasks.
* Value 'trying' over 'succeeding'.
* Consider yourself a 'completionist' instead of a 'perfectionist'.
* Do it for someone else. Instead of seeing the assignment as 'something I need to do so that I can pass the class so that I can graduate so that I can get a job', etc, look at it as something you can do that will make someone you care about proud, or as something that will enable you to do things that will benefit people who are important to you.
* Reflect on the observation that 'we don't grow when we're in our comfort zones'.
* See yourself as setting an example for others who are struggling with the same anxiety issues. Strive to make it a positive example.
* Memento mori.
Re: Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
#155Depending on the extent to which this is impacting your life (for example, does it extend to your interpersonal relationships?), you may want to be assessed by a psychiatrist for Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD). This is one of the cluster C PDs. There's a book called Distancing: Avoidant Personality Disorder by Kantor that might help you evaluate whether this is something that might apply to you.
The good news is that unlike some other clinical PDs, AvPD is fairly amenable to cognitive-behavioral and other forms of treatment.
As others have noted, you might just have garden variety anxiety (which is also treatable), or something related like ADHD. If this is really impacting your life, it's worthwhile getting assessed properly.
Re: Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
#156I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist. This is the exact kind of "thought pattern" that therapists are incredibly good at helping you sort through.
Is it? I’d like to get a second opinion on that.
Re: Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
#157Here is a list of things (bits of insight, strategies) you may find helpful. IME, anxiety and the resulting procrastination has more to do with fear of failure and insufficiency than feeling that you can't actually do something. It's a preemptive attempt to get you to not try at something, and the best way to overcome it is to find ways to "do the try" without making it seem like you are confronting the fear ("I'm not going to swim, I'm just going to wade in the shallow end of the pool for a bit").
https://github.com/jay-gates/dailywisdom
Some examples {with comments}:
- Set goals to 'good enough'/iterative development {lower the bar, to avoid a barrier to getting started}
- When you feel overwhelmed, pick ONE THING to focus on, ignore everything else; then when that's done, pick ONE THING.... {don't get overwhelmed by the WHOLE THING, pick one smaller part to focus on}
- Don't 'chain' tasks if it causes the whole chain to be put off; do what you can NOW and worry about the rest later {don't TRY to do the whole thing at once; intentionally break it up into separate, more manageable pieces}
- Use zazen (shikantaza) to overcome 'scattered thoughts' (too many thoughts or anxious thoughts) {resistance to doing things is caused by subconscious mental activity (your "little minds" talking at you in the background); quiet your conscious mind, rather than expending all of your energy "arguing" with them, which is what they "want"}
Re: Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
#158although meditation is no cure for procrastination i would advise you to give it a try. It has potential to make you a better you
Alan Watts' speeches on youtube might help with anxiety.
good luck
Re: Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
#159I nearly failed out of college because of this. I would have a paper due in n days, and would absolutely refuse to do it, in hindsight because I didn't want to spend weeks working on it just to get a D (who does?). I would literally get to ~24 hours before due date and have a 20 page paper to write with zero done. No reading, no research, I'd be lucky to even have a topic. I'd then regurgitate some garbage that barel…
I'm just like you but a little worse. I did fail out of college because of exactly that. I felt such shame at having done D work that I often wouldn't even turn it in, and then get the F.
I struggled for years after dropping out with this, and still do to some extent. But came up with a crazy strategy to kind of get myself addicted to completing tasks on my To Do list. I think today I'm probably significantly more productive than the average person, but I never would have got to this level without going through years of pain and life destroying habits.
Re: Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?
#160>> ...I tend to procrastinate...
What does that look like?
I'd bet it is some sort of addiction: video games, tv/movies, drugs/alcohol, seeking sex/porn... even just going outside for a lazy walk. The avoidance is almost certainly some kind of self gratification. If you're feeling the fear/anxiety welling up, the habitual pattern is going to be to seek something soothing.
You have to break the connections of those patterns by first seeing the discomfort arising. To do that, you need to realize that you're doing the escaping (seems like you're here). Once you can 'come to' when the discomfort starts arising, then you can practice, slowly and probably badly at first, breaking the habit and taking your power back. Feel the feeling completely as a next step, and just 'be' afraid/anxious. Ride that feeling out and let yourself see that it's just something that happens and that you can be ok with it. Don't beat yourself up if you fail at this. Once you start being ok with negative feelings, they lose their grip over you, and you'll be able to really start to realize your potential.
You have it in you to do great things. Be creating self discipline in your life, you can accomplish more than you've ever thought possible.