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Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

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Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#241

Post by Der_Einzige »

HomeGear wrote: post #102
3qz wrote: post #28

The main reason is that almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill. Commenting or creating anything online is really weird. Normal people don't do this, so you're interacting with a very different group of people on your computer than in real life. > people in real life seem so much more complacent and uncritical compared to people online This is just to avoid conflict. I'm sure they feel the sa…

>The main reason is that almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill. I wasn’t brave enough to say this, but since you have, I want to agree. Gaming, Discord, forums, etc - filled to the brink with mentally ill individuals.

I'm glad you and the one above you said it. My addiction to discord scares me more than anything - because everyone else on there is extremely mentally ill... So why am I drawn there?

Oh no!

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#242

Post by em-bee »

t-3 wrote: post #218
em-bee wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i don't know where you live, and maybe the wild west was like that, but in the rest of the civilized world, physical violence is rather frowned upon, so the risk for it to happen unexpectedly is really quite low, unless i am talking to someone who is already unhinged. otherwise we would have to have had a serious argument that escalated to a shouting match before physical violence becomes even remotely a risk factor.…

> i feel the idea of physical violence as a risk just doesn't fit into my understanding of the world. If you don't purposely act as a rude and offensive person in real life you probably wouldn't encounter violence. If you are the type of person who levels insults and slurs, argues about religion or politics, or makes accusations of misconduct, you may encounter violence. As a rule, "upper class" people have codes of…

that is a weird perspective, if i may say so. i don't think rudeness has anything to do with class. there are plenty of polite and friendly people as well as rude people everywhere.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#244

Post by quartesixte »

chasd00 wrote: post #183
FunnyBadger wrote: post #84

The simple answer: online lacks all the visual and aural feedback mechanisms that are automatic in face-to-face interaction. That radically changes how people act. All the social norms that have 100,000 years of biological and sociological development that are kept in-check by visual feedback from others around us are taken away online. This also applies to things like sales - face-to-face direct sales is far more ef…

face-to-face for most things but not all. I'm routinely on the phone with project presentations that involved multi-million dollar licensing agreements and then another 2 or 3x that for an implementation team. Not once have I ever done one in real life. Ironically, in a past life I did go onsite to pitch a project in front of a board. It was for a grand total of about $75k. One thing that I have to admit, and this is…

That backroom selling/negotiation is where a lot of where the face to face matters. The presentation is a matter of due diligence and final reassurance more than anything else.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#246

Post by otterley »

ethbr0 wrote: post #108
throwawayboise wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a bit of a balancing act. If you're too ban-happy you'll get an echo chamber (some would say that HN already is one) and if anything goes the trolls drive out serious participants. I think it's remarkable that the discussion here is as good as it is, compared to e.g. reddit or other forums. There has to be a little room for jokes and sarcasm and "devil's advocacy," as that's part of how real people talk about th…

Exactly. The only people you should really be banning in an online community are repeat offenders who understand the rules and continue to disobey them in a way egregious enough to be harmful to the community. That's a far smaller set than "people who post bad / stupid / annoying things."

It depends on your goal. If you want to make a community in which you minimize the number of people who post bad, stupid, or annoying things, you would run it differently than one where you welcome that sort of conversation.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#247

Post by t-3 »

em-bee wrote: post #242
t-3 wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> i feel the idea of physical violence as a risk just doesn't fit into my understanding of the world. If you don't purposely act as a rude and offensive person in real life you probably wouldn't encounter violence. If you are the type of person who levels insults and slurs, argues about religion or politics, or makes accusations of misconduct, you may encounter violence. As a rule, "upper class" people have codes of…

that is a weird perspective, if i may say so. i don't think rudeness has anything to do with class. there are plenty of polite and friendly people as well as rude people everywhere.

The “and“ is important. Rudeness alone is rarely enough to provoke violence. Perceptions of what is acceptable vary quite a bit across class and culture as well.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#248

Post by bityard »

codetrotter wrote: post #163
bityard wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> On social media, thousands see your post That's either wildly optimistic, or most people spend a lot more time building up their online persona than I do.

TikTok, Reddit, Hacker News. These are all social media where your posts has a good chance of being seen by thousands of people. Facebook and Instagram, not so much unless one does exactly like you say, building a following.

I don't know what TikTok is but Reddit and Hacker News are not "social media", they are just discussion forums.

Not all online communities are social media. The key feature of social media is that you chose WHO to follow instead of WHAT to follow. That's the part that makes it "social", because you create a graph of social connections as a fundamental part of being a user of the site. This is, not incidentally, what makes social media extremely attractive to advertisers.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#249

Post by em-bee »

t-3 wrote: post #247
em-bee wrote: post #242

Earlier quoted context omitted.

that is a weird perspective, if i may say so. i don't think rudeness has anything to do with class. there are plenty of polite and friendly people as well as rude people everywhere.

The “and“ is important. Rudeness alone is rarely enough to provoke violence. Perceptions of what is acceptable vary quite a bit across class and culture as well.

sorry, lazy typing, i really meant both as you said it. and i still disagree. yes, there are differences, culturally and maybe even class wise, but not in a way that they can be generalized, at least not until you get to a very local focus.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#250

Post by codetrotter »

bityard wrote: post #248
codetrotter wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

TikTok, Reddit, Hacker News. These are all social media where your posts has a good chance of being seen by thousands of people. Facebook and Instagram, not so much unless one does exactly like you say, building a following.

I don't know what TikTok is but Reddit and Hacker News are not "social media", they are just discussion forums. Not all online communities are social media. The key feature of social media is that you chose WHO to follow instead of WHAT to follow. That's the part that makes it "social", because you create a graph of social connections as a fundamental part of being a user of the site. This is, not incidentally, what…

It’s gonna depend on your definition of social media.

For me Reddit, HN and TikTok are all social media.

And I think https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_media supports my view at least in part, of these sites as such:

> Social media are interactive digital channels that facilitate the creation and sharing of information, ideas, interests, and other forms of expression through virtual communities and networks.

Check.

> Social media are interactive Web 2.0 Internet-based applications.

Yes I think so.

> User-generated content—such as text posts or comments, digital photos or videos, and data generated through all online interactions—is the lifeblood of social media.

Definitely true of all three.

> Users create service-specific profiles for the website or app that are designed and maintained by the social media organization.

Check.

> Social media helps the development of online social networks by connecting a user's profile with those of other individuals or groups.

Also true IMO.

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