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Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

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221–230 of 264 posts

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

what "mentally ill" means in this context? like literally?

Suffering a distortion of perspective. From focus, trauma, drugs, obsession...

There’s a huge difference between having a distorted world view because of ignorance or knowledge or whatever and being clinically diagnosed with a mental illness. For example, someone that seems very self involved, a trait of immaturity and youth, isn’t the same as someone with narcissistic personality disorder as defined here: https://www.nyu.edu/gsas/dept/philo/courses/materials/Narc.P...

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#222
I know some people who are absolutely harmless in person but absolute a*holes online. You often have to picture them to understand the animosity online. And this is not just in 1-1 situation, it can be in large community posts.

If you met them in person, you realise they're physically completely harmless, you could even classify them as 'weak'. This visual / physical context is everything that is lost in online communications. One perceives someone as a threat using a vector of things: online, we lose most of that frame of reference.

One overlooked element is that, online, people lack of empathy and understanding for their audience. Part of communicating effectively is your ability to see yourself through the shoes of your audience. Online, this is lost since you can't picture your audience, so you have to act like it's the lowest denominator; and explain yourself really clearly and politely in order to pass a clear message (being well understood).

Most people, especially younger people I find, completely lack the social skills of writing online to strangers. Not only they're unable to picture their audience or put themselves in the eyes of the reader, but they seem to not give a flying rat about it in the first place, leading to two very different persona: in-person, shy, quiet, reserved, and online, loud, insensitive, inconsiderate belligerent idiot.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#224
post #204

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you maintain metrics on the ratio of flagged posts or comments to those you take action on? Or categorize why such posts are flagged/removed? I've only ever heard you say "trust us, we do this," but I can speak from experience that I have personally flagged some posts and comments that end up remaining anyway. This is, of course, your site and you can moderate it as you please, but the quality of participation has…

I fear that a reply like this can come across as dismissive, but you have to understand that people have been saying that the quality of HN has been falling ever since HN started 15 years ago. There's a strong bias (if not several biases combining) to feel like it's always getting worse. Since people are saying this all the time, it's hard to give much weight to a bare statement along those lines. Positive generaliza…

> people have been saying that the quality of HN has been falling ever since HN started 15 years ago

I agree with them. I’ve been sticking with it for these 15 years, but I’m sure you’re aware of a certain site that does a pretty good job characterizing how the comments on many of the most popular stories have devolved.

> Internet forums are super weird and there are limits to what one can do about it. I wish it weren't so.

Respectfully, this is a cop-out. This is your site. You can do anything you want to make it fit your vision, from making it members-only, to making every post subject to review. I’m not trying to tell you how to run your business or anything, but to throw your hands up in the air and say (paraphrasing), “Internet forums are hard, what can you do” strikes me as forfeiting responsibility.

> different users have completely contradictory images of what that would involve,

It doesn’t matter what users think. This isn’t a democracy. This site belongs to you and its owners. How it’s run, what the rules are, and who can be a member are choices you exclusively get to make. You are responsible for its tone and character. Don’t burden the members with this responsibility without giving them the direct ability to enforce it.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#225
post #28

The main reason is that almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill. Commenting or creating anything online is really weird. Normal people don't do this, so you're interacting with a very different group of people on your computer than in real life. > people in real life seem so much more complacent and uncritical compared to people online This is just to avoid conflict. I'm sure they feel the sa…

This seems deeply correct. Do you have an idea why it seems half the people on Reddit and twitter are trans?

Autism

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#226
post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For some, agreement is submission and defeat, which cannot be tolerated. So word games happen. Word games are a big thing here, in the land of words, disconnected from reality. We can argue literally anything. Black is white, up is down, desirable is undesirable, disease is health. Thus we get a lot of bullshit. Science is one great shovel for clearing that away.

Science is also subject to word games.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#228
post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> skin in the game Literally. If people acted IRL the way they do online, there'd be a major uptick in face punches.

Which means the internet is the better place to be for any person. The problem is usually if one side is not anonymous, then it's different, otherwise anything is fair game in regards to discussions I think, but maybe you find a good counter example.

I mostly mean things that don't have sides: like stalking behavior, death threats, flagrant proud racism, harassing victims of tragedy, etc.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#229
I suspect that to some degree people in real life are filtering or constraining their behavior and speech. Facades of one type or another are presented to others. Being excluded from the “group” is something humans have long evolved mechanisms to avoid.

Online these limitations often fall away resulting in displays of ugliness (and occasionally vulnerability) that are the real person behind the facade, unconstrained with the need to form a relationship with some internet being or group.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#230
post #216
post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How many do you think read this reply? At least that many, I'd wager.

that is actually an interesting question. it would be nice to see some statistics of how many people viewed the discussions, like the number of comments and upvotes. maybe dang could give us an idea about the average number of views related to number of comments and votes. is it 10 to one? 100 to 1? is it a similar factor for most stories? actually, i don't think it's linear because higher upvoted stories have a high…

I feel like that would bias things, but it would be interesting to see once a thread “dies.” It’d even be easy to do just parsing access logs and adding a number in a db. That’d help handle the scale, assuming we are seeing mostly-cached pages here.
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