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Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

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Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#141

Post by tester756 »

_Algernon_ wrote: post #90

Loud minorities. You only notice the bad parts. Hiding behind a pseudonym/anonymity allows people to hold back less. You probably don't talk much to teens/children irl. You do online. Less / no social repercussions to being a cunt. People who are bitter and angry and troll on forums may not go outside much irl, so you don't meet them. If you are outside the US, you get to experience the exported political polarizatio…

>People who are bitter and angry and troll on forums may not go outside much irl, so you don't meet them.

I believe this is myth, was it even proved?

I've seen it being repeated for at least decade yet it always felt like "one quick, somewhat logically sounding explanation" but is it even real?

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#142

Post by GeorgeTirebiter »

Text is such a low-bandwidth human-to-human interaction format, compared with f2f.

I find, for example, that folks sometimes 'read into' what I write -- something that I, in fact, did not write -- in order to bolster their own arguments. This is a form of attacking the Straw Man, and I think the low-bandwidth text format is the reason for this sort of projection.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#145

Post by II2II »

pessimizer wrote: post #135

I think there are two opposing differences. For bravery and boldness: Online, you can dip out of a conversation any time you want, so you can make bold claims and back out of defending them when you start losing. You can also sneak away, quickly look things up, refine your argument and return with everyone else having no idea that you started off talking complete bullshit. In real life, to do that you have to actuall…

> Online, you can dip out of a conversation any time you want, so you can make bold claims and back out of defending them when you start losing.

Or you can walk away from a conversation where you have aggrivated the other person, or when the other person turns out to be a raving lunatic. Not everyone is dead set on proving themselves right or avoiding the insecurity of being wrong.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#146

Post by tester756 »

HomeGear wrote: post #102
3qz wrote: post #28

The main reason is that almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill. Commenting or creating anything online is really weird. Normal people don't do this, so you're interacting with a very different group of people on your computer than in real life. > people in real life seem so much more complacent and uncritical compared to people online This is just to avoid conflict. I'm sure they feel the sa…

>The main reason is that almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill. I wasn’t brave enough to say this, but since you have, I want to agree. Gaming, Discord, forums, etc - filled to the brink with mentally ill individuals.

what "mentally ill" means in this context? like literally?

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#147

Post by skinnymuch »

puffoflogic wrote: post #104
tlb wrote: post #11

HN is a strongly self-selected group of people, with rules against bad-faith arguments. But you can find groups like that in real life too. The special thing about online is that when an obscure topic comes up, someone from the 0.0001% of people with deep knowledge of that subject can chime in. That dynamic basically never happens IRL, because you need a million eyeballs. Like, outside of NASA, where would you encoun…

The only bad faith argument I've ever seen on HN is calling any argument you disagree with and can't refute a "bad-faith argument".

Keep in mind, many times people making bad faith arguments don’t even realize it.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#148

Post by sph »

TheOtherHobbes wrote: post #121
throwawayboise wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> On the Internet, we're all psychopaths. That might be the best one-line summary of the problems with social media I've ever seen.

Nearly. In Internet debates we're all sociopaths. People can be very empathetic online, but not when they're disagreeing about fundamental values. But let's not pretend this is exclusively an online phenomenon. One-to-one debates can be civilised in person. But as soon as you get more than a handful of people involved there's a real possibility of violence - even if it's only ridicule and condescension. The odds of p…

> In Internet debates we're all sociopaths. People can be very empathetic online

Psychopaths can be empathetic. I had a nice discussion with a self-professed psychopath here on HN and that was my take away. Instead of feeling bad in the gut like you would if you were to insult a stranger face to face, a psychopath would learn that some actions are not OK even if it's hard to imagine the impact they're having.

Same with Internet discussions. I'll try not to be an arsehole online, but it's much harder to connect with a person through text, whereas in person I loathe the feeling of making somebody feel bad. It's a visceral emotion that's completely absent when chatting through text.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#149

Post by thenerdhead »

I think you'd be surprised. Try asking questions that are deeper and you'll get deeper conversations. I hate small-talk, and every conversation in real life tends to be deeper than one online. I find more people online simply wanting to point out how wrong the other person is. Hell, I do it too.

I think the most interesting comparison I've had is knowing of someone's reddit username and how they acted in real life. They were significantly different. The person in real life was kind, thoughtful, patient. Their reddit account however was filled with hate, know it all, and eager to argue.

I think the old saying of an individual is a different person at work/home/play may also extend to online too.

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