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Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

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Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#121

Post by TheOtherHobbes »

throwawayboise wrote: post #75
sph wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In other words, our mirror neurons and empathy aren't made for online communication. On the Internet, we're all psychopaths.

> On the Internet, we're all psychopaths. That might be the best one-line summary of the problems with social media I've ever seen.

Nearly. In Internet debates we're all sociopaths. People can be very empathetic online, but not when they're disagreeing about fundamental values.

But let's not pretend this is exclusively an online phenomenon. One-to-one debates can be civilised in person. But as soon as you get more than a handful of people involved there's a real possibility of violence - even if it's only ridicule and condescension.

The odds of physical violence scale quickly as the numbers increase.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#122

Post by _fat_santa »

brabel wrote: post #64
CoastalCoder wrote: post #13

For in-person discussions, we should probably factor in the nature and depth of the relationship. For example, if I'm just chatting with someone at the park, I don't expect them to welcome a serious critique of views they espouse. But if I've known that person for a long time, and we're invested in each other, then I'm more likely to challenge or at least discuss touchy matters. Internet discussions, depending on the…

There's also the fact that when you're online there's a zero risk of being punched in the face when you say something the other person is likely to find unpleasant.

It's dehumanization. We use that word in a bad way most of the time but in the case of online discussions, it's quite normal. Like I know that you're a real person and you know that I am a real person; however, when were talking online that fact can get ignored by our brains.

It goes from "I'm talking to a person" to "I'm responding to brabel". In a physical conversation it's impossible to achieve the same level of "dehumanization" because you're staring at the person.

That's my Sunday couch quarterback explanation.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#123

Post by OnionBlender »

UncleEntity wrote: post #86
OnionBlender wrote: post #76

Uncritical of what? I avoid talking about religion and politics with everyone (family, co-workers, acquaintance) for obvious reasons. Ignoring those hot button issues, I still need to be careful not to be critical of people. - At work I've had a co-worker nearly get fired for telling another she "doesn't know what she's talking about". He got "written up" but ended up finding a better job a short time later. - At wor…

— Some family members get super offended if you make any kind of suggestion on how they can fix a given problem. Some members of the species aren’t really looking for a fix when they are complaining about something but just need to vent. Life is much simpler if you simply nod and say “oh, that’s horrible”.

Yeah, that's the lesson I learned a long time ago. A lot of people interpret advice as criticism and some family members react badly to (what they consider to be) criticism.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#124

Post by wolverine876 »

3qz wrote: post #28

The main reason is that almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill. Commenting or creating anything online is really weird. Normal people don't do this, so you're interacting with a very different group of people on your computer than in real life. > people in real life seem so much more complacent and uncritical compared to people online This is just to avoid conflict. I'm sure they feel the sa…

> mentally ill

What does that mean? We're all 'mentally ill' to some degree, in some situations, etc.

> almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill

Wow! But I agree: Almost all content online comes from people, and all people are 'mentally ill' - or just normal.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#125

Post by sweetbitter »

greatwhitenorth wrote: post #54

There is a real world consequence if people in person act like how they act online. Anonymity makes people act like monkeys since there is no consequence. There are still people who use their real names online and act like morons but they are a minority and have low IQ.

While it is easier to be mean online, it is also easier to be nice. On the internet I like to be very lighthearted and optimistic, and I find that many people IRL do not appreciate this. Also, you can be nice to other people by helping them do something, building something, whatever, and then you can dispose of an identity easily if you get emotionally attached to it. IRL if I did one thing or another, it would make me anxious to feel obligated to keep up a reputation whose surface area just keeps growing excessively (in terms of the number of words/actions), people may rely on you or expect you to act in a particular way. With anonymity you can mitigate this.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#126

Post by wolverine876 »

People in the real world want to form personal connections; geeks think communication is about information exchange, but that's not it (usually). We are social animals, we need each other, we all greatly desire human connection.

People in the real world aren't exchanging information or socially entertaining themselves in whatever way we do online - what are we doing online? It's not about personal connections in any real sense. It's not about exchanging information - it's mostly infotainment.

What are we doing? Is there anything comparable in humanity pre-Internet?

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#127

Post by slightwinder »

I call bias and filtering on your side.

Online, people behave far more awful than IRL. Probably you filter this by labeling it as trolling or immature, or by selection. People IRL are more focused on "harmonizing", because there is usually a more direct consequence for bad behavior. In the worst case, it's souring your relationship with people you need to live with, which most people simply don't want. But this is not a bad thing, because being too critical can be very toxic and harmful. IRL people are more focused on stability than letting the world burn, because they don't need to experience the consequences. This on the other side has the strange effect of hyperfocused attention and opinions. People are more limited to their own filter-bubble, being very uncritical of their own bubble, but hypercritical of everything outside.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#128

Post by smnplk »

3qz wrote: post #28

The main reason is that almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill. Commenting or creating anything online is really weird. Normal people don't do this, so you're interacting with a very different group of people on your computer than in real life. > people in real life seem so much more complacent and uncritical compared to people online This is just to avoid conflict. I'm sure they feel the sa…

"commenting or creating anything online is really weird"

You are commenting right now here on HN. Are you ok ? ;)

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#130

Post by s1artibartfast »

AnonCoward4 wrote: post #80
Tao332 wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> skin in the game Literally. If people acted IRL the way they do online, there'd be a major uptick in face punches.

Which means the internet is the better place to be for any person. The problem is usually if one side is not anonymous, then it's different, otherwise anything is fair game in regards to discussions I think, but maybe you find a good counter example.

Not necessarily although there are advantages. While generally taboo, physical violence does have positive effects on Curbing some Behavior
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