Ask HN: Startup Failure and Debt

Well put. I personally like the steps you mentioned 1. find ways to dig out 2. find hope and passion again in your pursuits

I have experienced this feeling at numerous low points throughout my career. It took me more than 20 years to figure it out - hopefully I can help you get there sooner.

Let's take work and debt and money and all that out of the equation for a moment. What do you really want to do? Like, not an activity or a job... how do you want to see your life being led by you? Who do you want in your life? What do you want from the neighborhood you live in? What do you want from the house that you live in?

Get to the brass tacks with this. Really understand the details. Try to envision what you want to do and how you want to live. Ignore the doubts and the voice that says, "No way, never'll happen." Figure out what the road looks like to get there, then start shaping your life to fit that road.

As you look for a new job, ask yourself how that job will get you closer to your ideals. Will it relocate you? Will it give you the time for the things you want to do? Will it expose you to people who you want to be part of your journey? You may realize that, first, money isn't really as important as you think, then realize that you may be happier at a smaller company, or in a different industry, or at a bigger company, or... whatever. It brings things into focus.

Why did you do the startup thing? What was your goal? Was it something fuzzy like, "Get rich"? Was it something startuppy like "Change the way people travel"? Was it personal, that you wanted to build a name for yourself and impress people? Was it because of the freedom it offered in terms of how you spend your time and energy?

Be honest with yourself as you answer questions like these. Maybe a startup-style thing isn't the way to go for you - maybe do something like a lifestyle business (i.e. bootstrapped, organic growth, etc.) or consulting. As you dig into these answers, you may decide tech isn't even what you want to really be doing - maybe you want to start a food co-op in your town, or maybe you want to spend less time working and more time just being. Again, start changing your life choice by choice to begin to fit the ideal in your head.

And, if you get there and the ideal ain't so ideal... start it again. And again. And again. It's all an adventure, and you should try to enjoy the ride as much as possible. Don't beat yourself up for your "failures". I promise you will recover if you just keep at it. I have seen so many lows at this point the floor and I are very good friends. I always bounce because I figure out a way to push through the depression and the anger and the self doubt and the loss of confidence and trust and find an answer and a path toward the answer.

You, too, will bounce.

The debt is one thing, another is missing out on that steady pension contribution from a normal salaried job.

Don't have any advice on your situation specifically, but let me offer a perspective that might be of some use: you still have a functional brain and this is an incredible gift.

Around 6 years ago, I hit a breaking point of stress and developed chronic fatigue syndrome while working for a tech company. I haven't yet recovered from it and I've been out of the industry for almost 3 years now since the fatigue and brain fog have made it impossible to think clearly for any sustained period. I have no idea yet if I'll be able to turn my life around, let alone my career.

I say all of that not to be pitied but rather because, if there was just one thing I could impress upon people, it would be that having a well-functioning brain is an extraordinary privilege that is very much taken for granted, until it's lost. Do the best you can to take care of yours and use it to engineer your way out of your situation.

Some advice I can offer from how I frame things: think of yourself as an underdog and rise to the challenge of designing an epic comeback starting from scratch. Many people feel locked into a charted course once they get to a certain point in their lives and are very often dissatisfied with it. You, by contrast, get to step back and take stock of what you want out of the rest of your life. You can choose to craft the best possible story from here, but, critically, you must first frame your circumstances appropriately: you're the underdog who's going to fight your way back, not the miserable wretch who spirals into despair.

I had something similar happen to me. I recovered after a couple of years working in a less technical role. I can think and learn again. I'm still slower than I'd like but getting there. It's a huge lesson in the importance of stress management.

For others reading this. If you think you might be burnt out get help now. The sooner you do the better.