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Their comment doesn't blame anyone for their situation.
If they see their comment as a negative thing (which I think it’s clear that they do), then lack of blame is exactly what you don’t want to see. They need to be blaming themselves, not nobody.
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i think i fair ammount of it is that it's difficult to do things spontaniously anymore. when i was little, my parents friends just used to show up and see what was going on, hang out, have a drink, whatever. and i think this kinda builds that friendship, as it's the random shit ppl do together that builds the bond (best example is the Friends tv show) or when you're a teen and there's nothing to do so you just hang o…
Just showing up is something that has definitely gone out of fashion. I have family I barely see because meeting up requires advanced notice. Even then it feels like an inconvenience, hence, other than weddings and funerals, I don't bother.
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> Loneliness I had to read through your comment a couple of times. From the sound of it, you’re likely in a better position than many other people here, and what worries you isn’t the lack of social contact but the depth and quality of it. This is a common issue that a lot or even most people face as they get older. I think that a lot of us have been able to fill this gap by finding significant others and starting fa…
i think i fair ammount of it is that it's difficult to do things spontaniously anymore. when i was little, my parents friends just used to show up and see what was going on, hang out, have a drink, whatever. and i think this kinda builds that friendship, as it's the random shit ppl do together that builds the bond (best example is the Friends tv show) or when you're a teen and there's nothing to do so you just hang o…
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Just showing up is something that has definitely gone out of fashion. I have family I barely see because meeting up requires advanced notice. Even then it feels like an inconvenience, hence, other than weddings and funerals, I don't bother.
What do you think causes this?
Too much ceremony around the actual meeting. Your place gotta be tidy, you gotta be a good host etc. I have neighbors I really like who moved in ~6-8 months ago. We had them over twice and visited their place once. Each time each party made a huge effort. My wife made us clean our place for the better part of the day and every time we visited someone clearly had spent hours cooking and prepping stuff. Nobody wants to do this all the time. I even brought this up explicitly that we all gotta chill the f out about being super hosts. Everyone nodded and I am sure whoever hosts next time won't put much less work in.
Cultural change. I don't even know how to get to the place where I would just walk to my neighbor to "hang out". It feels like everything these days needs to have a reason and a plan. And this is in the rare case where you actually could walk over and don't have to drive 20 minutes to find out your friends took their kid to swim class.
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i think i fair ammount of it is that it's difficult to do things spontaniously anymore. when i was little, my parents friends just used to show up and see what was going on, hang out, have a drink, whatever. and i think this kinda builds that friendship, as it's the random shit ppl do together that builds the bond (best example is the Friends tv show) or when you're a teen and there's nothing to do so you just hang o…
That‘s me but evermore so I‘m stuck between a rock and a hard place. As one sibling comment - I too have noticed this: I can remember friends of my parents showing by having a good time completely spontaneously. I liked it very much. On the other hand I’m one of those people who get irrationally upset by random visits especially when it’s from family. I guess that’s one reason why it’s so hard for me to be happy.
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100% this, I miss it so much. Everything having to be scheduled is so depressing and stressful to me. I wish we could go back, but we can't.
Well…why can’t we? What is the mechanism driving this? It seems to me that social media, increased ease of communication, etc, should enable spontaneity, because now you can at least confirm that someone is home as you drive over. I think two things contribute to this situation: 1) Social media enables us to not lose track of people from past lives or who live far away. Before social media, you had to make friends IR…
Once you are coordinating things, it's easy to overthink and make things too complicated or cumbersome. Also, "Oh I am meeting John, maybe if I do that I also should invite Peter. But I haven't talked to Peter in a while and it's awkward to ask to meet in 30 minutes. But we've always all met together... Maybe I just text Peter to see how he is doing and we all meet another time. Maybe it's best if I organize a little spring party in my backyard next month...". If I was on the phone with John and would have to call Peter instead of everyone just texting, I might not even have time to overthink everything.
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i think i fair ammount of it is that it's difficult to do things spontaniously anymore. when i was little, my parents friends just used to show up and see what was going on, hang out, have a drink, whatever. and i think this kinda builds that friendship, as it's the random shit ppl do together that builds the bond (best example is the Friends tv show) or when you're a teen and there's nothing to do so you just hang o…
My observation is that this used to be much easier because someone was usually home, typically a wife who did not work. Now everything is planned to the last minute because everyone is focused first on working, with family and friends getting the leftover time.
I am addicted to twitter and reddit. Especially reddit. It often takes the place of reading, hobbies, quiet moments, improving my home, talking with my spouse, and playing with my baby. When reddit records a click or an upvote, it thinks it has been a Good Product, and created Engagement. Reddit then takes those feedback loops and tunes the algorithm and feedback loops to create further engagement. But in reality, th…
As a married husband (almost 20 yrs) and father of five kids, allow me to share some wisdom. Spouse time is vital to a healthy, strong, vibrant, lasting relationship. Reddit doesn't care about you like your spouse does. And kids grow up way too fast. Treasure every moment.