Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I don't really exercise much, but at least I go on 30+ minute walks every other day or so I strongly recommend something more intensely cardiovascular for 20ish minutes a day (I go on runs). There's a lot of clinical evidence for aerobic exercise improving concentration and mood in a way just walking does not. > How were you able to function in such suffering for 10 years? I didn't function terribly well for that t…
I tried HIIT for a period of a few weeks, but ended up stopping it as my motivation decreased (both from the depression and towards the HIIT in general). I didn't notice any real improvements, but I probably didn't do it for a long enough period... Thank you very much for your perspective. You've given me several things to process. I definitely do get stuck in loops; they've almost become invasive thoughts. I don't c…
HIIT is really hard to maintain motivation for imo, I've found light jogs or walking up hills is much easier to be consistent about. Many people I know do group classes. It's tough though, I'll grant you, good luck :)
> Thank you very much for your perspective. You've given me several things to process. I definitely do get stuck in loops; they've almost become invasive thoughts. I don't care to think them, but they are there anyway, and they won't leave me alone.
Yeah there's definitely a practice you need to build here. Zen meditation was very good for me in this regard. You've worked at FAANG so maybe you're in the bay area? There are a few good temples in the area, SF in particular (this is not trying to rope you into a religion btw, it should mostly be about quieting your mind).
> I don't know how to feel fulfilled either, and I think happiness in some way stems from that as well.
There's definitely a personal journey here, and everyone's different. I've found great fulfillment in mastery (mostly of software engineering, but other stuff as well) and in helping others. I've meet people who found fulfillment in one or neither of those things. Honestly, trope-y stuff about "finding your passion" is somewhat useful here as a guide to things you may want to try out (e.g. give woodworking or pottery a shot).
There's a thought here that's vitally important but is very hard to communicate well (and in a way that doesn't sound melodramatic). As simply as I can put it, the most important thing is that you keep moving forward. Getting stuck on a thought, or worrying about the time you're "wasting" is poison. Remembering that is a very hard thing when life doesn't feel terribly worth living, but it's the most important thing.