Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#41

Post by samh748 » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 3:13 AM UTC

OP here, question for those who like the idea:

Which platform do you think I should use for this?

I'm currently thinking Substack, since it has a pretty good commenting system, and many people are already familiar with it. I can host like a weekly/bi-weekly session for people to just tell me things and I get back to them.

It'll also make it easier for people to support financially if they already do that (optional donation of course). I also plan on having a Patreon as another avenue for this.

What do you folks think?

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#42

Post by infpeace » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 3:45 AM UTC

samh748 wrote: post #35

justajot wrote: post #26

I can identify with much of what you wrote, especially surrounding the desire to help others. Noting another comment on how you don't want to deal with the "serious stuff," I'm highly recommending you look into the coaching profession. It sounds to be exactly what you're looking for in terms of training. In general, therapy is designed to help people who are suffering from mental health and emotional wellness issues.…

Really appreciate the feedback. But the big problem I see with all the professions is exactly that, they are professions that end up costing way too much as a service for people who are probably struggling to afford this and that. Also, the fact that they are professional services makes the barrier higher for people who are less inclined to seek help. My vision is to provide something very low-barrier, both in cost a…

For providing free support, have you considered a meetup group?

I run a self-compassion meetup group and it’s been a wonderful platform to create an online space for sharing emotional support together, and free for members (I pay the meetup organiser fee).

It feels rewarding and meaningful to offer support out of love, not money. Just humans being caring to each other. :)

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#43

Post by adepressedthrow » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 4:05 AM UTC

I'm very interested in this type of reading, for my situation and for others.

My single post (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27739957) details where I was 9 months ago, and things have only degraded from there. I did indeed quit my job (which was the correct decision), but never received any decent help (not for lack of trying). I've gone through many doctors and 13-15 different anti-/depressant/anxiety/ + sleep medications with no help. I recently started therapy, but I'm only 2 sessions in and I'm not allowed to meet more than 2x a month (I'm not a "health risk").

I'm at a point where I'm completely demotivated day to day. I still dream of projects and startups, and even start working on stuff on occasion, but my ability to code is basically gone. It's like severe writers block, where I can't even find the most basic of solutions without staring and struggling for hours. I struggle with simultaneously not wanting to do anything, and restlessness and resentment at myself for doing nothing. I don't know how to break out of this cycle.

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#44

Post by throwaway675309 » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 4:12 AM UTC

samh748 wrote: post #21

textadventure wrote: post #15

Sorry to have to be that person but I think it's plainly irresponsible to put yourself in a position to want to help people who are troubled, lost and confused and possibly in need of professional help on which you claim to have no training. If therapy isn't helping it's generally a matter of a specific therapist who may not be working for you, but psychology is something for which people have studied and trained for…

I totally understand your point and anticipated there will be pushback like this. However, from what I've observed, there seems to be a significant lack of actually helpful support and resources for people who fall into these two categories: 1) People who think their problems aren't serious enough to seek therapy 2) People who have seen therapy but haven't gotten much success from it I'm sorry if my big intro wasn't…

Even if you intend on not charging money or want to keep it available to low income or keep the barrier low, there's a reason that formal standards exist, and to forgo that knowledge because you ostensibly possess "above average intuition and earthy wisdom" seems hopelessly naïve to me.

I would highly advise that you at least be open to the option of undergoing some actual training.

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#45

Post by coolhoody » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 4:48 AM UTC

samh748 wrote: post #40

fouc wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

due to what? is d. short for death?

maybe depression?

or diarrhea.

An idea for an app — 'Big D': Connects people with diarrhea — so they can know someone truly understands their pain.

Unless this timeline already has one.

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#46

Post by Hermitian909 » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 4:56 AM UTC

adepressedthrow wrote: post #43

I'm very interested in this type of reading, for my situation and for others. My single post ( https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27739957 ) details where I was 9 months ago, and things have only degraded from there. I did indeed quit my job (which was the correct decision), but never received any decent help (not for lack of trying). I've gone through many doctors and 13-15 different anti-/depressant/anxiety/ + sl…

I was severely depressed for ~10 years, saw a bunch of therapists and tried a huge variety of medications. Also did a bunch of group therapy which has shown me other people's journeys. I've successfully helped more than a few people out of their depression in the years since I got better.

While I used to have a whole shpiel I would give people I mostly just point them to this document now: https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/peer-review-request-de...

I would perhaps add or reframe a few items for you:

1. Therapy less than once a week has a hard time sticking, I would search for therapy more aggressively (and shop around for a good one, it sounds like you can probably afford it).

2. I and many others have found it useful to think of humans as slightly complex houseplants :). You need to be watered, fed, see the sunshine, etc. I check in on a daily basis with myself about how I'm eating, drinking, and exercising, sleeping well, whether I've been outside, and whether I've talked with a friend (if you don't have friends, make that a priority). I make sure to spend time being with friends at least once a week.

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#47

Post by anm89 » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 5:01 AM UTC

nonrandomstring wrote: post #2

> I'm not trained with any formal credentials Get trained with some. There is a massively growing demand for therapists. World events and changing culture are creating the conditions for widespread personal crises. This has a big effect on the economy and is really an underlying root cause problem for many other visible socio-economic problems. Science now strongly backs modern psychotherapeutic practice, and it can…

Couldn't disagree more. The piece of paper isn't some magic wand that makes you able to help people. Assuming this person already has a career they are happy with, and they already feel they can help people, this doesn't add much value.

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#48

Post by himyogi » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 5:42 AM UTC

Happiness needs a meaningful life, which means having purpose(s). But this journey you need to do on your own, others can’t do it for you. Off course they can advice/guide from afar.

I found my purpose at the intersection of my passions, talents and societal needs. Vedanta calls it four Purushartas, Japanese call it Ikagi. Basically you have to architect your own life.

Helpful pointers-

Act- try different things, learn, fail & try next, till you find your groove. No perfectionism & analysis paralysis.

Help yourself - No dependence on “life coaches “ or “therapists”. Guidance from family, friends & few day workshops, retreats, outings etc are ok.

Relationships - Can make or break you. Nurture those that care for you, help you and give you the space. Ones that drain, maintain your distance. Be open to blunt views from well wishers.

Hope this helps as this is a lonely road we all have to travel few times in our lives without any manuals. I think Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning & Bhagavad Gita - 2.47 & 18.47 are great pointers.

In closing don’t take life too seriously - have fun, make mistakes, travel, build bonds, serve, focus on others and stand for your values. Spiritual Trinity - Sat(Existence], Chit(Consciousness) & Ananda(Bliss). Good luck to all on this quest.

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#49

Post by missedthecue » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 5:45 AM UTC

coolhoody wrote: post #45

samh748 wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

maybe depression?

or diarrhea. An idea for an app — 'Big D': Connects people with diarrhea — so they can know someone truly understands their pain. Unless this timeline already has one.

It's called UberEats

Re: Ask HN: Are you lost / confused / stuck? I can try to help

#50

Post by samh748 » Mon, Apr 18, 2022, 6:06 AM UTC

adepressedthrow wrote: post #43

I'm very interested in this type of reading, for my situation and for others. My single post ( https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27739957 ) details where I was 9 months ago, and things have only degraded from there. I did indeed quit my job (which was the correct decision), but never received any decent help (not for lack of trying). I've gone through many doctors and 13-15 different anti-/depressant/anxiety/ + sl…

Your case seems pretty serious, so I may not be the right person for this.

That said, it seems that you've hit a roadblock with regards to formal treatment (so far), so maybe sharing my perspective won't hurt.

I'm open to having a longer extended conversation about your situation to get a better understanding of the underlying issues. I read through a bit of your other post and can see that you're married. How's that going? Sometimes the closest relationships are the missing key to our personal problems. Not saying they caused your problems, not at all, but rather they can be an important step in helping you heal.

If you're open to having a longer conversation, my email is in my profile.

All the best, Sam