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Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

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Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#411

Post by tau5210 »

More a question than a comment: if you think it's all only decline now and were really done with life, why are you still here? If you were truly done all the way through, I'm sure you would have long done away with life without even questioning it. But you haven't and are still here. Great! I think this fact means something: there is still something holding you here, no matter how seemingly small and trivial. And somehow I get the feeling the secret is actually somewhere in there, whatever it may be. And so maybe it's not really that small and trivial.

p.s. I've been running in circles like this myself for decades..

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#412

Post by accountofme »

So sorry to say this dude, you are having a midlife crisis.

I am guessing you have achieved everything you want in life and are now, as you said it: lost.

So yeah, when god closes a door, he opens a window. Look at this as an opportunity to figure out what you want out of the rest of your life.

Depression is a means for your brain to protect itself and find the root cause of your problems. The ruminative thoughts can let you analyse issues at depth if you let it.

Be strong and remember life is an amazing thing, there is always the possibility to change :)

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#414

Post by n4kana »

I’m 38 and feeling your struggle minus the uber achievement. I do alright, but I still have a mortgage.

I will back up your ketamine hunch, but more generically as psychedelics. Consider a guided approach like Psychedelic Passage, for example. They won’t source for you, but I’m sure you can figure it out. I’m not sure if they’d be the correct folks to guide a ketamine trip but maybe!

It took a lot to convince my wife that I hadn’t lost my mind or desire to support my family. But she eventually understood that it was something I had to do for the good of everyone around me, especially me. Psychedelics aren’t a cure-all, but it’s a great medicine to retool old habits and deeply held beliefs. Your preparation and intention setting is the cornerstone of its efficacy.

One book hit home with me after my first trip: Die Wise by Stephen Jenkinson. I highly recommend it even though I found the audiobook unlistenable before. It became a significant influence on my life afterward.

The heart of psychedelic power against depression is this: it lets emotion express itself. In therapy, if you haven’t cried with your therapist, then it’s a fucking waste of time. Antidepressants hollow out my emotions and limit their range - helping me to be a more effective automaton. Psychedelics release you from the consequences of crying or feeling idiotic joy. It’s a reacquaintance with a youthful mindset.

One last thought: I went into psychedelics hoping that I’d feel the train cars of my life click into place on the tracks. But what I’ve discovered is that there are no tracks, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. It took a while to appreciate that. One saying goes: you get what you need, not what you want.

I sincerely hope that you find relief! Bring your whole self to the table, and I believe you’ll find that you’re enough.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#415

Post by d--b »

I’m 39 so not far behind.

If you’re working only for health insurance the question you should ask yourself is what would you do if health insurance was free?

You have the money problem covered, this is huge. You could work in anything that doesn’t pay!

You could do charity, volunteering, teaching. you could get behind a sports team if that’s your thing, you could get competitive at some game. You could get involved in politics. You could open a bar or an art gallery. You could try and live abroad, grow vegetables or learn how to paint, sew, or make things.

You could swim in the sea every day and make octopus friends like the dude in the movie. You could learn how to make movies.

People I know built an ice rink in their backyards for their kids to become hockey players. My cousin went from professional waterpolo player to coaching to marketing and now he works in startups in argentina.

The midlife crisis is about finding other things to do that you find fulfilling besides making money. It’s not very hard but you need to do some work on yourself if you don’t know what you would find rewarding.

Also the awesome thing about being a software engineer is that you can apply your skills to anything cited above. Like Linus Torvalds who made an open source software for logging his scuba dives.

If your depression is what gets in the way, it’s a bit of a catch 22, cause it’s likely that doing something else that you find rewarding will get you out of depression.

Oh and don’t mock the guys who get a Porsche or a boat. Spending is a very effective way to go through the crisis. The “fuck it, I’d just do it” mindset is the right approach.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#416

Post by nomagicbullet »

n4kana wrote: post #414

I’m 38 and feeling your struggle minus the uber achievement. I do alright, but I still have a mortgage. I will back up your ketamine hunch, but more generically as psychedelics. Consider a guided approach like Psychedelic Passage, for example. They won’t source for you, but I’m sure you can figure it out. I’m not sure if they’d be the correct folks to guide a ketamine trip but maybe! It took a lot to convince my wife…

I didn't know about Psychedelic Passage, or even the existence of services like it. Thank you for sharing. I find communicating transparently about psychedelic experiences without sensationalism is extremely valuable.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#417

Post by xboxnolifes »

bradlys wrote: post #405
mawadev wrote: post #256

I'm in my late 20s, but I noticed that people live as if they are forever. They spend half of their life working for survival, preparing and planning for their (!) future. Some people die in the process and never live to see that future, but some people reach that point and become aware of the finite time that just elapsed. Having physical needs met is trivial in our society. Everything beyond is self imposed sufferi…

This is just hedonistic nihilism. Works for some folks. Doesn’t for others. Let’s not write it down like it’s the end all be all for everyone.

There's definitely nihilism, but where is the hedonism in the comment?

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#420

Post by Jellyspice »

paulf5678 wrote: post #90

Have you read How to fail at everything and still win big? His advice is essentially everyone needs: 1. Good food 2. Exercise 3. Friends 4. Something to look forward to (working towards some goal) How are you doing in these 4 areas? Tackling the first 3 gives you good energy and general vibe. For #4 there is no end to what can be achieved, so always possible to select a goal. Just need to find something that excites…

yes, I feel like this is exactly what the OP needs right now. If I may add something, starts small, don't aim too big, maybe looking into how you're going to improve yourself physically or doing a x numbers of voluntary work for y community, just keep it simple then you'll builds your next goal naturally. At the end of the day, I believe life is meaningless and you are the one who is defining the meaning of your life.
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