Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost • Hacker News Board

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#231

Post by RobertRoberts » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:53 PM UTC

You need find meaning in _life_, not just work. Why are you here? You know you aren't the first person to hit this problem.

Religion offers a solution for this problem, when the purpose and value of your life is more valuable than your day to day activities, your money or anything you experience now.

But most people will suggest therapy so you can learn to be happy with what you have already become unsatisfied with, worldly success.

Go find unhappy people and help them. Poor, destitute, maybe a sad neighbor, and do something for them. Then maybe you will find a new thing in life worth caring about.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#232

Post by weakfish » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:54 PM UTC

thiago_fm wrote: post #70

Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.…

Repeating what others have said, but as the person in question. I'm incredibly depressed in the sense that I struggle to find motivation to achieve fairly basic tasks such as laundry, feeding myself, etc + extremely numbed emotions, but I am high functioning through a combination of anxiety and force of will (I'm graduating with a decent GPA from a state school with a job lined up).

It can be highly invisible; in fact, I reckon that it is usually invisible and most only see the extreme cases such as your roommate.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#233

Post by mlyle » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:54 PM UTC

beej71 wrote: post #183

Maybe you have hit your zenith for that stuff in particular. Things are exciting while you're getting all the wins of the low-hanging fruit. But then the wins get harder and farther between, and familiarity breeds contempt, and after a while I don't want to put in the effort for the next win. In that field. So I switched fields. Now I'm an educator. And holy shit, it's something to step out of a decades-long develope…

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31030254

We should connect. ;)

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#234

Post by herebedragon » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:55 PM UTC

You might just be going through your Sade Sati (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sade_Sati). Hang in there.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#235

Post by nicwolff » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:55 PM UTC

Bad midlife crisis = muscle car, high schools. Good midlife crisis = sailboat, Bahamas.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#236

Post by fartcannon » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:55 PM UTC

Try giving away all your money. Force yourself to see truly how unbelievable lucky you are (were). Makes me think of that song Common People by Pulp.

In seriousness, try charity.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#237

Post by ostenning » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:55 PM UTC

From my experience the goal posts constantly move, the insatiable desire for more never ends. Self acceptance of where you are in your stage of life will be key to letting go and relinquishing the suffering that goes hand in hand with our ego identity and attachments to success.

What you are experiencing is a normal stage of life that we all inevitably must face.

This is a beautiful stage of life, even if society tells you otherwise. You begin to reconcile aspects of your being and start seeing things for what they really are.

My existential pangs are eased by spiritual books and teachers. I recommend you find some foundation of spirituality to help through these times. My favourite teacher is the late Ram Dass (Richard Alpert) who has his works available on the Be Here Now Network podcasts, Alan Watts also.

Take care

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#238

Post by victor9000 » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:55 PM UTC

Try spending some time outdoors, things like kayaking or going car camping over a 3 day weekend. It really works wonders for me by giving me the space needed to reset my frame of thought when I'm in a slump.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#239

Post by noveltyaccount » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:55 PM UTC

I'm currently reading the book From Strength to Strength by Arthur C Brooks and it is really hitting home. I identify with everything you say, perhaps not as strongly, but I've chased success and achievement my whole life. And now, in my early forties, I'm over it. Work dangles the carrot, and I don't care. I want to spend time with my family, focus on my hobbies and physical health, that I time and again deprioritize in favor of working more. I mean, what if I wake up with a cancer diagnosis, or die in a car accident? I will look back at my life and say, what was the point of making all that money when I never lived? To that end I'm about to take a sabbatical (possibly early retirement), but there's an internal head game that the book is helping me with. It's not enough to step off the treadmill without some awareness of why I was on it in the first place, the short version of which is: my ego likes being admired as a Very Successful Person™.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#240

Post by jonmc12 » Thu, Apr 14, 2022, 5:55 PM UTC

Adopt the religion of biological age. ie, re-conceptualize your age as something that is correlated to your health, mortality and existential risk. Further its a number you have control to change. Exercising, eating healthier and learning more deeply about your body will give many options to feel better. The continued onslaught of scientific longevity advances will feel optimistic to your beliefs. Example: https://blueprint.bryanjohnson.co/