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Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

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191–200 of 452 posts

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#191
I'm 43. Did the startup thing, to differing levels of success. Freelanced on projects I found interesting.

I'm probably not going to do anything too interesting on the grand stage again. Kids have slowed me down. I'm still sharp, but not as sharp or hungry. Yes, I'm a little sad to say goodbye to all of this, and a bit sad to see time slowly running out. All of the past situations, people, cultures, etc that I can no longer return to are a source of profound nostalgia and wistfulness, too.

I became a teacher (nominally half-time, but I end up dumping a lot more effort into my programs). I run robotics teams and engineering programs at a private school. The job contains all I like about working on engineering teams: fun problems, coaching "junior engineers", etc. I get to be ambitious-- teaching middle school students computer architecture from transistors to gates to combinatorial & sequential logic to ALUs and register files all the way up to machine code.

Um... it's super rewarding sometimes, and sometimes super not. But it is, definitively not just meh and empty. That's what's important to me right now.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#192
Sail across an ocean.

I'm nowhere near in your position, but the bucket list is pretty much done except for skippering a yacht on a major offshore passage. I've been sailing on and off since my teens and now have a yacht and am pushing into longer trips. There's a lot to learn. You need to push outside your comfort zone on a regular basis. But it's visceral, real, incredibly connected to physics and nature, and uniquely satisfying. When sailing you're completely disconnected from society, money, your upbringing, everything - and are reliant on your own preparation to literally keep yourself alive.

I'm not really making myself clear but ... Sailing has been great for my mental health. Perhaps it can help yours.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#193
post #183

Maybe you have hit your zenith for that stuff in particular. Things are exciting while you're getting all the wins of the low-hanging fruit. But then the wins get harder and farther between, and familiarity breeds contempt, and after a while I don't want to put in the effort for the next win. In that field. So I switched fields. Now I'm an educator. And holy shit, it's something to step out of a decades-long develope…

Heartedly agree. Started teaching and there is something magical about interacting on a different level completely than with work colleagues. I'm learning as much as I teach, the result will be a simple book based on my lectures as over time they start to coalesce with a clear idea of who I am and what I want to leave behind in the world.

I teach in a way that doesn't interrupt much my 'day job', so it leaves a lot of opportunity to weave the energy back into my work.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#194

Man you should enjoy your life. You have no idea how fortunate you are, and here you are feeling unhappy. I don't get it. People out there really struggle to get by day-by-day. I am sorry, but I can't feel sorry for you.

Because everybody suffers. Everybody. It sounds like he's had the idea that if he flogs himself working hard, then there will be a payoff, and having done that for 25+ years, the result of his hard work is that it's brought him to a point that logistically and financially has left him secure and settled, but nevertheless has not delivered the expectation that the end point of hard work would be contentment. Now his c…

I am close to be financially independent. But I wish I was already. I have so much stuff to do, traveling, spending time with my family. Not having to worry about your day-to-day will lift so much burden and bs. I just can't understand how people who have already made it, struggle with finding purpose in life.

As we type on this keyboard, children out there in world are dying starving, or because of some war .. and here we are wining.

My grand father spent his youth fighting in a fck war! And after that he spent years working in a foreign country, to provide the means for his family to survive.

I can't possible empathize with this guy, I am sorry.

Get your s*t together and be grateful for what you have.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#195
It sounds to me like you are defining yourself by your career. Maybe you need a new definition of what your life is? Find a way to spend time outside of work that brings meaning to your life. Maybe buy private health insurance and spend a year just exploring what there is in this world outside of the software industry.

Also, it is OK to be lost - we all have general directions we are headed, but life will throw changes at you and we need to roll with the punches. Becoming comfortable with your life plan being imperfect is a wise move.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#196
Going to keep this short since there's so many responses:

That feeling for me came about super prominently when I was trying to ignore other parts of my life that I didn't want to deal with and using work to cope. Not having something to strive for in your work life makes it harder to ignore the other stuff.

So my advice is to really dig in and listen to the parts of yourself you're most scared to unbox. I don't want to get more specific than that, if that's what your problem is, you'll likely have some idea of what I'm referring to. <3

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#198
You need a legacy project. Something that you can work towards as "your life's work" and leave it behind. The easiest route here is to have a child. If thats not a possibility you need something grander and philanthropic. Start a non profit org that helps people. Become a mentor and pass your knowledge on to some mentees.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#199
If you're in Portland OR and want to grab a beer and chat, I'm down. I promise I'm not as big of an asshole in person as my comment history suggests. I'm not offering because I think it will fix anything, more just to get your mind off things.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#200
Find God...

I'm going out on a limb and will guess you don't have kids and your not religious... tell me if I'm wrong.

You need purpose. you're the first year pro quarterback who wins the Super Bowl. You peaked too soon. What's left?

We're not designed to be fulfilled through material riches. Your satisfaction in your work has run its course and you still have an emptiness inside you can't fill.

Having children gives you a natural purpose and a connection to the future. You have the means, ability, and education to be able to raise them well. It's not too late. Do it.

And... Find God. This life is more than success in a career. You're feeling that now... No amount of therapy or pills will fill that void...

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