Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

There is no zenith. Own your life. Get out of your head.

Everything you've done up to this point has only been a prelude to whatever you choose to do next. If you choose to see those years as your zenith and stop doing anything, that's on you, it's not because you've supposedly reached some mythical temporal horizon. You've accrued experiences, skills, wisdom, perspective, understanding, relationships, and resources. If you can't see a way to turn those into meaningful next pursuits, then (again) that's on you. Don't make excuses for yourself.

Our culture unfortunately worships youth. We seem to think that life after 40 is downhill, but this just isn't true. From 40 to 70 or even 80 is a PRIME period of life. You have the things you need to do world-changing work, the confidence that comes from hard-won experience, and the tangible life experience to appreciate the meaningfulness and beauty of every single moment.

So-called "zeniths" are whatever you decide they are. If you reached your absolute best in one skillset, pick up a new one. Reinvent yourself and kick off a whole new career. Serve the people around you. Try to make the world better somehow for your having been here. There's no end of things you could do. Don't waste any more time with this angsty self-pity. Life is too fleeting and too wonderful to be so self-absorbed.

I hear you friend, you've been to the highest of highs and lowest of lows and now are like a surfer back on dry land thinking of the last big wave, or a soldier back from war wandering around a flower garden. The cognitive dissonance of your otherwise great life with the life you thought you would be living makes every moment unenjoyable and meaningless.

As someone in healthcare who takes care of depression, the pills, TMS, and ketamine are not meant to cure depression. They are meant to decrease the risk of impulsivity, improve function, and decrease suicide.

To get out of depression, you have to find meaning again in the life you were given, and then faithfully follow that which gives you meaning so that you do not become lost again.

Religion is perhaps mankinds best answer because many philosophers who thought about these very questions of meaning were religious thinkers. Ecclesiastes is a great book to read.

I have always been negative about Ketamine but I likely misunderstand it. After some research, it sounds okay. I'm not a big fan of using any substance as a solution to a problem but I understand why people do. I am not an expert and you can forget I said anything

Same age, situation and feeling here too. Unfortunately I have lost my drive for intellectual and creative pursuits, though. I've got a point where I've already figured out all the things I was curious about in my youth and no more have been added to the list. It just doesn't seem worth it with nobody to share life with.

I'm considering volunteering for something to make myself useful. One of things missing for a solitary man is being useful. I don't need anything. I live a very minimal life so all my problems are sorted and new ones don't crop up very often. I've accepted that love won't be happening but maybe I can at least feel appreciated.

My recommendation is to go out and do something physical. Doesn’t matter what it is, but I chose running. If you’re comfortable in your own head for a time, running works wonders. One of my friends did the same, but took up cycling. Either way, being able to go out and have 30+ minutes to yourself can really help work through things. It’s not a replacement for anything you’re currently doing, but it helped me. The key for me was consistency. I run a bit every day, no days off. The combination of physical activity with the quiet is mentally quite helpful for me. YMMV, but we’re about the same age. Even just the physical benefit is worthwhile.

I started out with small goals (run once a day for a week) and progressed from there, for two weeks, for a month, well, I made it this far, might as well keep going… let’s run in a 10K… a marathon?!?! The point for me wasn’t really to run in a race, but to have a goal — something to work towards.

I hope you find something that helps.