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Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

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Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#81

Post by weakfish »

troglodynellc wrote: post #27

Drop the therapy and start lifting weights. I'm not kidding. If the problem is that you feel things are gonna be a slow decline from here, then fight it . Make that your new goal, even if you know it to be a losing battle. It will focus your mind on demonstrable milestones like hitting new deadlift personal best. Even if you do something else, at the very least recognize that you've gotten to the point where you don'…

Absurd to ever suggest to a stranger that they stop therapy. You don’t know them. Awful, awful thing to do.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#82

Post by throwaway13575 »

troglodynellc wrote: post #27

Drop the therapy and start lifting weights. I'm not kidding. If the problem is that you feel things are gonna be a slow decline from here, then fight it . Make that your new goal, even if you know it to be a losing battle. It will focus your mind on demonstrable milestones like hitting new deadlift personal best. Even if you do something else, at the very least recognize that you've gotten to the point where you don'…

If you do start lifting, I would recommend Starting Strength (Rippetoe). The 3x5 squats, deadlift, press routine got me out of a deep depression. It gave me life. I saw that the mind is supported by the body, and without health the mind is a turmoil.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#83

Post by _Microft »

troglodynellc wrote: post #27

Drop the therapy and start lifting weights. I'm not kidding. If the problem is that you feel things are gonna be a slow decline from here, then fight it . Make that your new goal, even if you know it to be a losing battle. It will focus your mind on demonstrable milestones like hitting new deadlift personal best. Even if you do something else, at the very least recognize that you've gotten to the point where you don'…

> Drop the therapy

NEVER, EVER, suggest dropping therapy to someone with depression.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#84

Post by markus_zhang »

jimiray wrote: post #68
markus_zhang wrote: post #24

I'm far less successful than you but on the same "slow decline" boat. I still don't know what to do but I sent questions here and on reddit. What I figured out is that I need to find a different set of values that grow, not decline when I grow older, pass 40. I have yet to find anything that fits but hopefully you can find something soon. Good luck!

I've been giving the advice for years that actually planning for what you'll do past retirement is as important than having all the money you'll need. I've seen my parents and in-laws struggle with mental health issues and boredom more than they have ran out of money. I'm refusing to do that, I found 3 things that I really love and working on turning those into third careers go keep myself busy. The 3 things are teac…

Absolutely. I'm reaching 40 this year and people around me always get surprised when I told them I'm making plans for retirement. For most of them planning for retirement is just financial, and many of them do have a solid plan.

But I'm mostly worried about the mental/spiritual part.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#85

Post by Trasmatta »

weego wrote: post #60
troglodynellc wrote: post #27

Drop the therapy and start lifting weights. I'm not kidding. If the problem is that you feel things are gonna be a slow decline from here, then fight it . Make that your new goal, even if you know it to be a losing battle. It will focus your mind on demonstrable milestones like hitting new deadlift personal best. Even if you do something else, at the very least recognize that you've gotten to the point where you don'…

Absolutely never under any circumstances attempt to take people away from their safety net, therapist or otherwise. You have no understanding of their wider life and concerns, and people asking for big life change help can be surprisingly susceptible to advice.

Every couple years some new trend pops up that people start claiming will fix everyone's mental health issues. One of the current ones seems to be weight lifting. I have no doubt it can be massively helpful for mental health for a lot of people, but it's awfully condescending and detached from reality when people show up say "lmao drop therapy, all you have to do is pick up heavy things".

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#86

Post by svmegatron »

troglodynellc wrote: post #27

Drop the therapy and start lifting weights. I'm not kidding. If the problem is that you feel things are gonna be a slow decline from here, then fight it . Make that your new goal, even if you know it to be a losing battle. It will focus your mind on demonstrable milestones like hitting new deadlift personal best. Even if you do something else, at the very least recognize that you've gotten to the point where you don'…

Better yet: keep going to therapy and start lifting weights!

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#87

Post by artemonster »

gxs wrote: post #48
artemonster wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see this as a pure existential crisis and for that you don't need medication (IMHO). A lot of personalities tie their self-worth to an external measure (like some sort of "success" or whatever) and that could work for almost your whole goddamn life, heck, people can become aggressively successful, feeding that trait, BUT until this external measure dissipates. In case of OP they have admitted that they won't be abl…

Fair enough, but by the same token OP mentioned that he is sure he is depressed. Depression can get in the way of finding joy in things, even things you once found joy in. This on top of other symptoms that can contribute to OPs feeling of dread so to speak, such as a lack of energy. In therapy, you learn techniques to learn to manage this, and meds can help with this. They can have a number of different effects, and…

I completely agree with you on all points you've said, especially the last one.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#88

Post by kamranjon »

miltonlaxer wrote: post #51

I spent too many years ruthlessly perusing my career and passion for coding. Sure, I have a bunch of a money and my dream job but now what? I spent the last 8 years with a girl that I was certain I was going to marry. She cheated on me last month and I hit rock bottom. I didn't want to code anymore, I didn't even want to play games or get out of bed. I started working out, eating healthy, and improving myself however…

Are you saying that having tried Ketamine as a cure for depression yourself or do you just have a bad image of the drug in your mind? Just curious because I would absolutely not suggest someone who is depressed take LSD, but there is growing evidence that ketamine can help specifically with depression.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#90

Post by paulf5678 »

Have you read How to fail at everything and still win big?

His advice is essentially everyone needs: 1. Good food 2. Exercise 3. Friends 4. Something to look forward to (working towards some goal)

How are you doing in these 4 areas? Tackling the first 3 gives you good energy and general vibe. For #4 there is no end to what can be achieved, so always possible to select a goal. Just need to find something that excites you.

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