“It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out — it’s the grain of sand in the shoes”
A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
241–250 of 812 posts
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#242Earlier quoted context omitted.
What do you mean?
It sounds to me like your wife's reaction was not actually about the tea. If she described that as "too controlling", that likely indicates she perceives you as too controlling overall. Regardless of the truth of her perceptions, they're all she has to go on in life, so it's her perceptions that matter, not the "objective truth" of whether you're controlling. I don't know you or your wife at all - my analysis could b…
I have the book open on my desk right now. I really wish I could have read it sooner in my marriage, like before my marriage. Would have made for a lot less bumpy road. But we are in a better place now, almost 20 years later! :)
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#243About 10 years ago, I had a internship at Newell Rubbermaid. As part of the experience, the entire group of interns across all the brands got to have lunch with the CEO and basically ask him anything we wanted.
At some point, someone asked about his biggest regret. We all expected some business blunder, but he said that he was offered an executive position by Kraft to lead their Asian segment, and that his wife really did not want him to take the job because it would require them to move to that region. He regretted not listening to her, because it ended up being the catalyst that dissolved their marriage.
We were all stunned silent, and you could tell that he was genuinely remorseful and so vulnerable in that moment. There are only a handful of moments in that internship that I vividly remember, but that was by far the most impactful one.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#244Im 99% sure the wife in this story used the glass as an excuse to get out. If youre happy with the life youve built together and love your partner theres no way you leave it over something like this. I dont buy the "it shows disrespect" argument. Shes going to be with somebody else in a years time. But when youre in a bad situation and the other person isn't giving you a good reason to leave sometimes you have to get…
The glass is a metaphor, he was treating everything in their relationship like the glass.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#245Earlier quoted context omitted.
1. It is not ‘always women’. Men are also rankled by such things. 2. Women have to deal with the pressure of feminism. For example: I like to cook. I love feeding people and don’t think of it as chore that oppressed women, but I have friends who will not cook(and I know they don’t hate cooking) because they have to make a feminist point. 3. I grew up in India and there is a very vibrant food culture. To be able to co…
the problem with hired help is that is severely reduces the privacy of your home because you always have someone around who is not family. depending on your culture this can be a serious dampener on things like intimacy in your relationship. my understanding is that in india you don't even show intimacy in front of your children, so this part is very much limited to your bedroom. which means the hired help is rarely…
Define ‘intimacy’.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#246"Hundreds, maybe thousands of times, my wife tried to communicate that something was wrong. That something hurt. But that doesn’t make sense, I thought. I’m not trying to hurt her; therefore, she shouldn’t feel hurt. ... There is only one reason I will ever stop leaving that glass by the sink, and it’s a lesson I learned much too late: because I love and respect my partner, and it really matters to them." wow.... thi…
Exactly. If you intend to throw a ball to your dog but accidentally break a vase as a result, does your original intention absolve you from the consequences of your actions?
As though the thoughts and feelings of another person are as predictable and consequential as the laws of physics. I wish.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#247Earlier quoted context omitted.
Your comment reminds me of the following. My wife and I have been married over 30 years now. Our total household is 7 persons. A couple years ago, my wife was complaining once again about someone using scissors and not bringing them back to their proper storage place. "How can we have 3 pair of scissors and none of them are here when I need to use one?" This didn't bother me but hearing her complain about it did both…
This is really smart. You're right we often fixate on "the principle of the matter" instead of just stepping back and looking for an easy solution and then moving on with our lives.
Yet, with the easy solution, they got right to the principle -- "I hear you. You matter to me".
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#248Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#249Get a dishwasher
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#250Earlier quoted context omitted.
This might come as a shock, but compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it." That's not a relationship. This wasn't a pile of dirty dishes. It was a drinking glass that was going to be reused. Maybe she comes from an upper-middle to upper class household where everything got put away at all times, but where I come from, you don't waste dishwater on something you're going to r…
you are still missing the real problem. it does not matter that it's just one cup. what matters is that you are refusing to accept that this is bothering her. you need to find out why it bothers her and work out a compromise that you both can live with. * compromise isn't simply "doing what she wants you to do, when she wants you to do it.* right, but neither is ignoring the problem. with small things like these some…
No, I'm not missing anything. It's a ridiculous and childish thing to get upset over. Of all the other possible things that they could have disagreements about, THIS is something that SHE should have let be, because it does no harm to her and he has a rational explanation for it.
It is literally picking shit to be upset over for the sake of having something to hold over your partner's head, and an indication that one or both of them was too emotionally immature to be married in the first place.