Earlier quoted context omitted.
Plus, they protect you in the eventuality of an alien attack. Make sure you keep a bat around too.
I missed the joke. Which movie is this?
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A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
151–160 of 812 posts
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#152Earlier quoted context omitted.
Plus, they protect you in the eventuality of an alien attack. Make sure you keep a bat around too.
> Plus, they protect you in the eventuality of an alien attack. Except when the aliens are ransacking Earth for its water. See the documentaries V [0] and Battle: Los Angeles [1] for more on this. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V_(1983_miniseries) [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle:_Los_Angeles
And Oblivion:
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#153Earlier quoted context omitted.
It seems as though people are focusing on the hook and not the core argument. The author clearly states his marriage failed from "death by a thousand papercuts" and this glass-by-the-sink is an example of not understanding their spouse.
I’m shocked by how many people in this thread have been completely derailed thinking the literal glass is the issue rather than being symbolic of the issue. I always hated how much teachers would drill symbolism and literary device analysis into you in school but then I come across threads like this I wonder whether we aren’t focusing on it enough.
The water cup example isn't symbolic, it is prototypical. That is to say, it is meant to be a representative example of the a metaphorical paper cut.
People in this thread are latching on to it for the same reason the author used it; it is not clear how else to talk about the larger issue.
Different interepratations of the prototypical example leads to different interperatations of the larger issue.
If you must use examples to communicate your point, the normal solution to this is to use many different examples.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#154Earlier quoted context omitted.
I can't recommend this book enough on the topic. TLDR Women are more picky then Men in the courtship marketplace, and finding a partner with matching values is most important to growing and staying together. People expect a fairy tale, when they're signing up for a job (relationships require work and effort). A quote from the author 10 years post publishing: “I think the book is really, ironically, about having highe…
"People expect a fairy tale, when they're signing up for a job." This is worth reiterating.
It’s important to note that part of the job is to make it a fun job at the least, and daresay a fairy tale at the most.
This includes positive surprises (though care needs to be taken), thoughtful gifts (especially on Valentine’s and birthdays), and some element of spontaneity. Flirting is also important.
Spontaneity can be considered as part of the job, but it’s important to keep it fun to avoid boredom in a relationship. I’ve read anecdotes that a faithful but boring relationship can cause another partner to unexpectedly break up at the least, or have an affair at the most.
I recommend a person to work on making the relationship exciting instead of breaking it off, but as evidence that this is important to factor in, a few anecdotes of people with this problem are listed below:
-Thread with humane advice for the original poster: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1qcomq/anyon...
-Thread with not-so-humane advice that I personally disagree with: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/oq7so/after_...
-Final perspective to establish a pattern, with the rule of threes: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/67df9t/i_29f...
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#155"My wife left me because she's either ridiculous and unwilling to compromise on trivial shit, or incomprehensibly dense" is a much shorter and more succinct than an entire book, but I guess they don't pay people for that. His articles all read as pathetic blame-porn aimed at satisfying the egos of women, while pretending to be advice aimed at men, and even though his only skills are apparently being someone who got d…
Maybe this is too personal, but is your relationship with your partner strong? Frankly, my guess, just by your attitude towards this innocuous article, is no.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#156Earlier quoted context omitted.
"Force the other person to plan weeks of meals, keep the pantry stocked, etc. shines a bigger light on the unseen work and value each partner is providing." If my wife were doing this, our grocery bill would double and it would all be frozen dinners and takeout. I'm not sure I trust her to do safety critical mechanic work either. So maybe switching isn't great for some tasks. Edit: It seems people disagree. Why? All…
She would probably also outsource that mechanical work to a mechanic, just like you'd outsource the cooking work to the microwave/freezing company. Although, by outsourcing this work, you'd both have a little bit more free time. It might be a worthwhile experiment just to try for a month, if you can swing it.
You don't understand, I already do the shopping/cooking and the mechanic work. Outsourcing costs a lot of money. Plus, if the point of switching is to appreciate the labor of the other person, then outsourcing defeats the purpose.
My point is, some tasks may not be equally suited for both people in the relationship.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#157I struggle with this myself. At the risk of sounding misogynistic: How come it’s always women who can’t deal with these “minor irritations”? I’ve never heard from any of my male friends complaining in this tack.
I think it’s just different things for minor irritations. For me it’s the never being ready on time.
When I say I’m ready to leave, that means I could be in the car in 30 seconds. When my wife says she is ready to leave, that means she’s ready to start getting ready to leave. I’ve learned just to pad 20 minutes into departure times.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#158The lesson:
"There is only one reason I will ever stop leaving that glass by the sink, and it’s a lesson I learned much too late: because I love and respect my partner, and it really matters to them."
Others have pointed out the corollary - that you can choose to accept behavior as well as modify your own - but this too seems fairly indispensable for a long term partnership.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#159Earlier quoted context omitted.
Plus, they protect you in the eventuality of an alien attack. Make sure you keep a bat around too.
I still want an explanation as to how the aliens in that movie managed to miss that 70% of the planet is covered by a deadly poison, and that it literally falls from the sky in most places.
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Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#160I've been through a shitty marriage that ended badly. I divorced her, vowing to never get married again.
Many many years later, I married a woman who had been through decades of horrible long term relationships (including one where he pointed a shotgun at her), and vowed to never ever get married.
We both decided to take another chance at it, agreeing that in our marriage we would communicate everything as soon as possible. In the years since, we've had two cases of harsh words: One where she repeatedly did something that upset me and I said nothing about it, until finally I blew up at her one day. Another, where she'd been under extreme stress and blew up at me (yeah, we can be embarrassingly dumb, but hey, we're human). And besides that, not so much as a disparaging remark. We're together 24/7, never spending more than an hour or two apart (we're both home all day). We'll probably end up becoming one of those cute old couples who still hold hands at 80.
We make a point of never communicating in a blame-like way. I.E. "Please can you find a way to avoid doing X? I know it might not make sense why but it drives me nuts." or "When you do X, it makes me feel like Y. Can we find something else that works for both of us?" These turn into discussions to drill down into exactly where the problem lies, and then figuring out what changes we can make (one, the other, or usually both) to make things work better. It's a constant process.
We're all human, and we all have our quirks. They're not logical, but yet they exist and we can't change them. Being in a relationship is about empathy and communication. You're a team, so you really need to figure out how you can maximize your collective power.
When people say "It's about sacrifice", they're half-right. It's not about pushing yourself into smaller and smaller boxes to accommodate their large footprint. It's about making some sacrifices or changes to work around the quirks that the other person can't change (CAN'T, not won't). You support your partner where they have weaknesses, and you build up their strengths. Even if you look at it from a purely mercenary point-of-view, this makes sense.
Morale is vitally important. People have their down days, and you really need to be attentive to that. It's on you to see them through the down times and make sure they come out the other side okay. Note: I'm not talking about "cheering them up" (although that is sometimes a valid strategy); I'm talking about validation of their feelings. I'm talking about being there, in solidarity with them in their dark times, even if there's nothing else you can do to help. It's also important to celebrate their triumphs, and in general just let them know how much you appreciate them.
Being in a team (I mean REALLY in a team) is about being attentive to each others' needs, strengths, fears, and demonstrating to them that you have their back, no matter what. If you can't trust your teammates implicitly, you're not a real team.