A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
theatlantic.com
A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
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Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#2Some lessons are very hard to learn after the event, the author is right that it's better to learn these ones up front.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#3Some lessons are very hard to learn after the event, the author is right that it's better to learn these ones up front.
Be blind to his/her faults is generally good advice, so long as they are minor irritations.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#4Some lessons are very hard to learn after the event, the author is right that it's better to learn these ones up front.
Be blind to his/her faults is generally good advice, so long as they are minor irritations.
Kinda Tao of the ietf: try to meet expectations and be accepting of failure. But dude, if she says dirty dishes by the sink won't fly you should listen. 30 years of that can break anyone. One of the colditz pows said the way a guy asked you to pass the salt for 5 years straight could be semi fatal
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#5Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#6Some lessons are very hard to learn after the event, the author is right that it's better to learn these ones up front.
Be blind to his/her faults is generally good advice, so long as they are minor irritations.
When my wife and I started dating, we stumbled across this video which I like to recommend to friends and family: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw
The speaker talks about the "Price of Admission" when it comes to relationships.
We consider these "minor irritations" as the Price of Admission :)
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#7Share this article with your partner. Ask them: "what are the dishes I'm leaving by the sink?"
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#8It’s very simple. If something is minor for you but your partner prompts you extensively that it triggers them - change yourself.
The willingness to listen and change yourself is what signals your love. Because everything else is much easier.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#9This seems like a one-sided stopgap to a problem that is undoubtedly two-sided and it sets a precedent for [the author's definition of] respect that cannot be maintained indefinitely. For example, what if you were just about to put the glass in the dishwasher but the doorbell rings?
The only settings that come to mind where this level of "adherence" is maintained are prisons or abusive households where everyone is in fear of punishment, and where punishments can even be handed out by the warden for no reason at all.
Re: A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem
#10It’s very simple. If something is minor for you but your partner prompts you extensively that it triggers them - change yourself. The willingness to listen and change yourself is what signals your love. Because everything else is much easier.
This is easy to get wrong. She says "X bugs me". But to me, X should not have been a big deal, so it doesn't register with me. Maybe she says it again, and I still think it's no big deal. Finally we reach the point where she's crying, and she tells me "X really bothers me". And I realize: "Oh, yeah, she's told me that before..."
So, you know, be smarter than I've been. When she says that something bugs her, don't filter her statement through what bugs you or through what you expect to bug people. Instead, listen.