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I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself

lof.flounder.online

11–20 of 305 posts

Re: I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself

#11
Avoiding Google Search is already a sign of being at the more radical end of the spectrum IMO.

I don't think avoiding big tech is really possible without joining a separate offline society. You can reduce it but you're not going to keep your kids offline without their friends also being offline.

Re: I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself

#12
post #5

Seems like a bit of an overreaction. My kids are just a few years younger than OP's, but I'm not going to cut them off. I will teach them the dangers of being online and will force the phones to use a VPN through our house with PiHole installed. I may or may not go as far as putting a custom cert on the phone so I can monitor all the traffic -- that will depend on if I catch them violating my trust. My default stance…

Keep in mind that invading their privacy means breaking their trust at an age where a large part of their emotional and social development all but requires it. It's a good way to ensure that they won't come to you with any delicate topics later on, like questions and concerns about drugs, sex, or shady behaviour of peers — you know, the part where you want to be that trustworthy parent that they can talk to, always. To them this is like requiring them to use the bathroom with the door open with you looking in — you don't do that after a certain age unless you have a severely mentally handicapped child.

Also, you won't really block them from anything unless you forbid them to meet up with friends with their own unmonitored devices.

Re: I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself

#13
post #4

As a parent (of a kid fortunately nowhere near this age) I get this, but I also don't see a way out. You don't want your kid to be that kid who doesn't have a smartphone when all of their peers do. Being socially excluded was the bane of my life in school, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a contributing factor to my child becoming a pariah. I do wish that more parents (and society in general) would be more sensi…

> You don't want your kid to be that kid who doesn't have a smartphone

Why not? If you think that smartphone usage is harmful to your child, then you absolutely are justified in letting them be "that kid". Being moderately socially constrained is actually a perfectly fine thing if the alternative is worse.

> Being socially excluded was the bane of my life in school, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a contributing factor to my child becoming a pariah

I don't know anything about you in particular, so I can't say whether this is a good idea or not. But we have to recognize the tradeoffs: unfettered access to social media from a young age with all of its downsides OR being the only kid without a cellphone and those accompanying downsides. Which one harms your kid more? Think about it and make your decision, but once you've made that decision you have to bite the bullet and accept the costs.

Re: I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself

#15
post #5

Seems like a bit of an overreaction. My kids are just a few years younger than OP's, but I'm not going to cut them off. I will teach them the dangers of being online and will force the phones to use a VPN through our house with PiHole installed. I may or may not go as far as putting a custom cert on the phone so I can monitor all the traffic -- that will depend on if I catch them violating my trust. My default stance…

> Seems like a bit of an overreaction.

Especially when most of the risks the author sees are technical security issues. The real issue is that kids and adults alike are unable to police their screen time.

I have made a conscious decision to limit my smartphone usage to communication, not entertainment, and it seems to work fine.

Re: I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself

#16
post #13
post #4

As a parent (of a kid fortunately nowhere near this age) I get this, but I also don't see a way out. You don't want your kid to be that kid who doesn't have a smartphone when all of their peers do. Being socially excluded was the bane of my life in school, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a contributing factor to my child becoming a pariah. I do wish that more parents (and society in general) would be more sensi…

> You don't want your kid to be that kid who doesn't have a smartphone Why not? If you think that smartphone usage is harmful to your child, then you absolutely are justified in letting them be "that kid". Being moderately socially constrained is actually a perfectly fine thing if the alternative is worse. > Being socially excluded was the bane of my life in school, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a contributin…

I guess it's too early to tell. But even when I was in uni, "not being on facebook" (back when facebook was relatively new) was heavily penalizing. And we were adults.

Re: I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself

#17
post #4

As a parent (of a kid fortunately nowhere near this age) I get this, but I also don't see a way out. You don't want your kid to be that kid who doesn't have a smartphone when all of their peers do. Being socially excluded was the bane of my life in school, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a contributing factor to my child becoming a pariah. I do wish that more parents (and society in general) would be more sensi…

It's a fine line and you have to go with some of it safely. However, there are items that are 100% toxic and as parents we need to decide what those are. Things like rap/hip-hop music as an example, or TikTok. There are some things that just can't be consumed safely by impressionable minds. When they're older they can get into them if they so wish, but my hope is that their brains by that point would at least be mature enough to see how toxic these things are. My job as a parent is not to make the world appear peachy perfect for them, but to give them the tools to deal with the world when they're adults

Re: I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself

#18
post #13
post #4

As a parent (of a kid fortunately nowhere near this age) I get this, but I also don't see a way out. You don't want your kid to be that kid who doesn't have a smartphone when all of their peers do. Being socially excluded was the bane of my life in school, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a contributing factor to my child becoming a pariah. I do wish that more parents (and society in general) would be more sensi…

> You don't want your kid to be that kid who doesn't have a smartphone Why not? If you think that smartphone usage is harmful to your child, then you absolutely are justified in letting them be "that kid". Being moderately socially constrained is actually a perfectly fine thing if the alternative is worse. > Being socially excluded was the bane of my life in school, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a contributin…

> Why not? If you think that smartphone usage is harmful to your child, then you absolutely are justified in letting them be "that kid".

It's a trade-off - is peer ostracisation worth the benefits from lack of tech?

Most people, myself included, would say "No".

> Being moderately socially constrained is actually a perfectly fine thing if the alternative is worse.

It is not a moderate social constraint, it's a complete and utter exclusion from the set of peers.

Re: I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself

#19
"I was scrolling Tiktok on my phone. I don't think I registered as an user."

I'm not sure if "registered" refers to having created a user account or being logged in while browsing.

Either way, if it is only "think" and not know exactly, good luck evading more subtle tracking.

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