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I need to stop being boring

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Re: I need to stop being boring

#131

Post by rob74 »

TaupeRanger wrote: post #123
silicon2401 wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's funny because the exact opposite is true for me, and is the reason I won't be having kids. I recovered my creativity and wonder for life through just living life how I want to, rather than based on what I thought was normal or typical. Part of that was rejecting the societal expectation of having kids. Now I have a blast pursuing my interests and looking forward to living the rest of my life this way, without ha…

You can do all of those things with children, and then you won't be a burden on society when you're older, having no one left to care about you except the nursing home staff, and as a bonus you'll get to help continue the human race, which is always good.

My attitude to "being a burden on society" is: "I paid taxes all my working life, so if I get some of that money back, all the better!". Of course, not having to go to a nursing home is the even better alternative, but unfortunately nobody can rule that out.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#132

Post by rob74 »

witx wrote: post #127
TaupeRanger wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can do all of those things with children, and then you won't be a burden on society when you're older, having no one left to care about you except the nursing home staff, and as a bonus you'll get to help continue the human race, which is always good.

Because having kids with the mindset of: "I'll be a burden to them instead of the nursing home staff / society" is a great reason to have kids ...

Plus, beside the moral conundrum of not wanting to be a burden for your children, there's always the possibility that your children will simply not accept the burden and send you to a nursing home anyway...

Re: I need to stop being boring

#133

Post by efsavage »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #47

> I lost my creativity and the sense of wonder I used to have in childhood. I am no longer curious because I am settled for the world as it is. I accept things the way they are instead of imagining how they could be. I was starting to feel this way before I had kids, but having kids completely changed everything for the more interesting. It’s funny because it’s the exact opposite of what I was told would happen: The…

+1, being a parent hasn't made me (more) boring. Sure, I went to work for a large company instead of startups so I have a better/regular paycheck, and I may not play as many games or drink as many beers with friends or hack on as many side projects, but kids are really good at forcing you to prioritize the things in your life that are actually important and meaningful. So I still do all those things, just less so, but more mindfully.

Also, now that my kid is getting older and is starting to have actual interests (e.g. he's really into smart home stuff), I'm able to enjoy and participate in those things more.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#134

Post by mediocregopher »

jermaustin1 wrote: post #102
JKCalhoun wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Get out and do boring things. Your mind will fill up the dead-space with creative ideas. Go on walks. Hike. Go on long road trips.

walking, hiking, and road tripping are my favorite things to do (walk daily, "hike" (just long walk since I live in flat Houston) weekly, and roadtrip monthly). And the entire time, I sit in silence just THINKING. Sometimes I record my thoughts out loud. But for the most time, I just use it as a way to keep my mind churning. Sometimes I come up with new side projects, or a design for a new piece of furniture, or just…

> "hike" (just long walk since I live in flat Houston)

I've been calling it "urban hiking" and everyone thinks I'm joking. But why drive all the way to the wilderness to do a hike, when I can just walk out the door?

Re: I need to stop being boring

#135

Post by jermaustin1 »

mediocregopher wrote: post #134
jermaustin1 wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

walking, hiking, and road tripping are my favorite things to do (walk daily, "hike" (just long walk since I live in flat Houston) weekly, and roadtrip monthly). And the entire time, I sit in silence just THINKING. Sometimes I record my thoughts out loud. But for the most time, I just use it as a way to keep my mind churning. Sometimes I come up with new side projects, or a design for a new piece of furniture, or just…

> "hike" (just long walk since I live in flat Houston) I've been calling it "urban hiking" and everyone thinks I'm joking. But why drive all the way to the wilderness to do a hike, when I can just walk out the door?

I love this. I will now call it "urban hiking," as well. It was still more fitting when I lived in NYC to call it hiking since there is at least hills and grass and trees.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#136

Post by abecode »

mattgreenrocks wrote: post #69
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #47

> I lost my creativity and the sense of wonder I used to have in childhood. I am no longer curious because I am settled for the world as it is. I accept things the way they are instead of imagining how they could be. I was starting to feel this way before I had kids, but having kids completely changed everything for the more interesting. It’s funny because it’s the exact opposite of what I was told would happen: The…

I am convinced everyone needs a certain amount of stress in their lives. Too little and you end up super-existential; too much and you end up feeling burnt out. It took me a long time to acclimate to having children. I probably had postpartum depression as a dad. Especially early on, kids are a big stressor, and having them should be a deliberate choice. It’s also the most impactful work you will ever do, and once yo…

C.f. Addison's disease, caused by a lack of cortisol, the stress hormone, and treating some conditions like back and knee pain with cortisone, the synthetic version of cortisol

Re: I need to stop being boring

#137

Post by michaelgrafl »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #47

> I lost my creativity and the sense of wonder I used to have in childhood. I am no longer curious because I am settled for the world as it is. I accept things the way they are instead of imagining how they could be. I was starting to feel this way before I had kids, but having kids completely changed everything for the more interesting. It’s funny because it’s the exact opposite of what I was told would happen: The…

I have three little children but I can't say I feel more or less boring since having the first one.

What I can say, however, is that I'm absolutely thrilled when I watch my kids watch Home Alone while they go crazy with scream and laughter at Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern getting physically abused by an eight year old with booby traps that would be lethal in real life.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#138

Post by TaupeRanger »

witx wrote: post #127
TaupeRanger wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can do all of those things with children, and then you won't be a burden on society when you're older, having no one left to care about you except the nursing home staff, and as a bonus you'll get to help continue the human race, which is always good.

Because having kids with the mindset of: "I'll be a burden to them instead of the nursing home staff / society" is a great reason to have kids ...

No, it's not and I never said it was. It is simply a fact about not having children.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#139

Post by TaupeRanger »

rob74 wrote: post #131
TaupeRanger wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can do all of those things with children, and then you won't be a burden on society when you're older, having no one left to care about you except the nursing home staff, and as a bonus you'll get to help continue the human race, which is always good.

My attitude to "being a burden on society" is: "I paid taxes all my working life, so if I get some of that money back, all the better!". Of course, not having to go to a nursing home is the even better alternative, but unfortunately nobody can rule that out.

I think a person deserves to get elderly care when needed...I was moreso talking about the fact that no one in the world will literally care about the childless person, because no one younger will be in their life. I think people who decide not to have kids often privilege their well being in their 30s-50s without thinking about how poor and lonely the last 30 years of their lives might be. It's just another angle to consider in this complex decision.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#140

Post by dominotw »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #47

> I lost my creativity and the sense of wonder I used to have in childhood. I am no longer curious because I am settled for the world as it is. I accept things the way they are instead of imagining how they could be. I was starting to feel this way before I had kids, but having kids completely changed everything for the more interesting. It’s funny because it’s the exact opposite of what I was told would happen: The…

i think your experience is not a common one. Lots of things have to click in place for that to happen. A satisfying job, supportive spouse and a solid relationship with stakeholders like the in-laws ect.

Most parents are just beat down managing two jobs, taking kids to all the classes, doing chores in the house, worrying about career ect.

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