I'm very similar and would just give you two pieces of advice: (1) buy books compulsively and don't do your research predominantly online, and (2) make sure you write often, whether or not you publish your work or keep it to yourself. I think the latter is the most important advice for those trying to pursue an intellectual path outside of academia -- if you don't develop a habit of writing, you aren't really synthesizing what you've learned and developing your thought. Don't worry if the quality is not great to begin with (and certainly don't worry that it seems cliched).
The other thing I would suggest, if your career and family would manage, is spending time working in the UK. It's very easy to get a visa if you're involved in the tech industry and their higher education system for MA/MS degrees and PhDs is very different than the US, both more affordable and better suited towards working life. In the US, the thought is that if you're doing a PhD, say, it's a full-time professionalized pursuit under the assumption you will be a professor; in the rest of the world, a PhD is essentially an apprenticeship in writing under a mentor for however long it takes you, often with no aim (i.e. career) other than that writing itself.
Personally, I've alternated between highly-paid years working in the tech industry and years studying or writing without employment to great personal satisfaction (and managed to help publish a few scholarly anthologies that wouldn't have happened without someone who didn't need to rely on academic grants etc).