> For these reasons I am completely shit-scared of them. I see them as my option of last resort but increasingly I feel my options running out.
You don't have to take an SSRI. There are plenty of other medications out there, like mirtazapine or bupropion that don't have the same side effects that SSRIs have. Buspirone, as well, although it is indicated for anxiety, selectively targets receptor sites that mediate antidepressant effects compared to the shotgun blast approach of SSRIs.
There are now what are being marketed as SARI[1] and SMS[2] drugs, which often target the same sites as buspirone, but also have serotonin reuptake properties, as well, while blocking receptor sites that seem to induce undesired side effects. They seem to sidestep typical SSRI side effects, like sexual side effects and emotional blunting. Two drugs in this class are the only SSRI-like drugs that are allowed by the FDA to be advertised as having lower incidences of sexual side effects compared to SSRIs. Vilazadone and vortioxetine are those drugs. Trazodone can also be thought to be in the SARI class.
Then there are tricyclics and tetracyclics that are not necessarily like SSRIs, but have antidepressant effects. There's also agomelatine and low doses of atypical antipsychotics.
SSRIs are good at what they do, though. You might not experience the side effects that you're afraid of, either.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin_antagonist_and_reupt...
[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin_modulator_and_stimul...