Exit interviews are a trap

> criticize bad managers.

What do you do when you work for a company where you think managers are bad, and their managers are bad, but they all think they are great and they think you're the problem? How do you objectively (not subjectively) determine if a manager is bad? If 200 people in the organization are "happy enough", it's your word versus theirs on what a good manager vs a bad manager is.

HR doesn't care (in my opinion) that you think a manager is bad. They need bodies to do jobs. They just do what they are told in my experience. They aren't going to go up the ladder and get rid of a manager because you don't like their style.

It's a cruel world out there. Worst part about doing IT for a living if you ask me (or whatever it is you call what we do). Same boring stuff every day M-F 9am-5pm. Everything's always broken. Login/auth/2FA/plumbing data back and forth from one system in one format to another in a slightly different format aren't "sexy" problems. Are humans really designed to do the roughly the same thing from 21 years old to 65 years old?

Some manager chirping in your ear about a deadline or an estimate, like we don't do this same song and dance every week. Projects with no requirements. I worked for an organization that valued how nice you and be versus how much you can get done. I understand how important collaboration is and how important teamwork is. It's just frustrating to log on to a job where... your manager controls your happiness and they think they rock and you think they suck and the truth is somewhere in the middle but it doesn't matter because... their managers and the managers of those people are all about a certain culture. How do you quantify culture?

As someone who has done exit interviews on both sides some quick notes:

1) I would dial back dramatic sweeping criticism. Now is not the time to relitigate every grievance, claim doom will befall company etc.

2) Treat it as any other feedback cycle. Here's what was working well, here some areas I might look at improving. Keep it light and friendly.

3) Do a slight "I" perspective. I'm moving for higher pay and to have a bit of a bigger role / influence on decisions etc. I'm moving in part because progression options were unclear to me. I'm moving in part to be able to do a masters program with an EAP program, start a retirement plan match (401K) etc.

I had great references from all my former employers AND I did the exit interviews they wanted. They were friendly.

I left one very very cushy job, did a very friendly exit interview, they hired me back on as a consultant at x times my normal rate. It really worked out better. I'd had a split reporting structure internally (nightmare), and when I came back consulting each project had a clear "customer" I could work with / manage against. Everyone was happier. When I left I just said, One area that was tricky for me was the split reporting structure which made it harder to prioritize my work. When I consulted I had a point of contact clearly defined.

Don't know if this is regional (Dane here), but I've never encountered an "exit interview" and couldn't imagine ever accepting an invitation to such a thing.

People at the company want to believe that the exit interview is a good way to catch and fix retention issues. The problem is that unless you have an engaged manager giving the interview, then nothing will change... And if you did have an engaged manager, then they would have fixed the problems before you were leaving.

In my opinion, the only way to cause change during an exit interview is if a bunch of leaving people say the same thing, and management is forced out of denial of the issue. When I exit, I just give one sentence about one problem, and otherwise just say things are fine. It's now up to management to realize the urgency of the problem, and no longer mine to deal with.

In the past I gave detailed, documented feedback about how a certain individual was unfit to be a manager. Shortly after I left they promoted them (and then fired them shortly later). I'm no longer going to give detailed feedback at exit interviews.

I'm a politician first and software engineer second.. I have _never_ given anyone or any sub-organization bad feedback, directly or indirectly. I've advised someone on something that could help them be better, but I've never externalized it as grumpiness I have.

It's never worth it. Smile and nod, disagree and commit, focus on whats in your control, and tend to your network. If they're not paying you for an honest exit interview, don't give them one. Just focus on hitting the targeted outcomes, however that may be. That's all that really matters