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How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

ox.ac.uk

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Re: How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

#31

Post by gunfighthacksaw »

openknot wrote: post #30
throwawayboise wrote: post #26

... studies show people expect their break-ups to be longer and more painful than they are, in part because we forget that our psychological immune system will kick in and we’ll decide we never liked the person anyway. I must be missing this "psychological immune system," as breakups of what (to me) were deeply committed relationships have been the most painful, longest-lasting things I've ever experienced.

Yep. It's more likely that [certain] studies show [a proportion of] people expect their break-ups to be longer and more painful than they actually are. I would have liked to see links to those studies in the article to evaluate them. I was unexpectedly broken up with once (after committing for around 'just' a couple months), and it hurt for far longer and was more painful than I thought it might be. Things were mostl…

I’ve heard a rule of thumb that a break-up will sting for twice the length of the relationship. Assuming you were not the instigator.

Re: How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

#32

Post by nicklaf »

non-cotton wrote: post #19

Do you want a happy life, or a worthwhile life? I think they're probably correlated, but I don't think you can guarantee one without risking the other. In that light, optimizing for happiness seems like the wrong move.

Long-term happiness could mean deferring gratification. Caveat emptor: trying to then execute long term plans to achieve that deferred gratification but which go awry in the intervening time can start to turn a gambit into pure misery. From personal experience, I'd suggest building redundancy in the form of things like savings and relationships, before letting an inclination for ambition risk leading you to build long and brittle pipelines which fall apart as soon as unexpected hardship strikes.

It's a cliche, but a lot of the unstated reasons we were happy at one time were there all along, until they start to slip away (social connections, health, etc.)--usually without realizing the extent this has happened until years later. As a rule of thumb, I'd suggest that the most important thing to nurture over the years are your friendships and social connections (even if that means just a chat message every few days to a close friend from college who moved to another city), which are probably your best shot at adapting your new life situation to feel more at home with happier moments in the past, but which also look forward to the future (after all, friendships are more than just shared memories--they're comprised of living, breathing people, and as such can lead to new experiences and connections that lead to even better things than just holding onto what once was).

Finally, if you really think about it, maybe the easiest way to be happy is really the satisfaction you get knowing you've brought genuine happiness to someone else. :-)

Re: How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

#33

Post by MerelyMortal »

eggsmediumrare wrote: post #27
non-cotton wrote: post #19

Do you want a happy life, or a worthwhile life? I think they're probably correlated, but I don't think you can guarantee one without risking the other. In that light, optimizing for happiness seems like the wrong move.

What is worthwhile if not happiness?

People can define what is worthwhile to them, such as helping others at their own expense. Perhaps one could argue that is what makes them "happy" and thus achieve "happiness" even though they might be suffering.

Re: How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

#35

Post by tdrgabi »

FrenchAmerican wrote: post #25
timoth3y wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>> you could be joyful but think your life is worthless > I find this hard to believe. Albert Camus developed the philosophy of Absurdism around a very similar idea. A gross oversimplification is that in the grand scheme of things, logically and objectively our lives have no meaning, but our brains are wired to need meaning. The solution is to create that meaning for ourselves even while acknowledging that meaning is…

Why should the meaning of life we choose for ourselves be a delusion? I get the point that this meaning is arbitrary (in the sense that it has no ground since the world is absurd). But as long as this meaning works for you, who cares if others find it meaningless? Loneliness may be an issue though, but this is where the internet, among other ways, makes a difference. You can look for like-minded people or publish you…

I haven't considered the parallels between faith and courage.

Faith having doubt in it is something I need to ponder a bit

Re: How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

#36

Post by marttt »

mbrodersen wrote: post #7

It’s actually quite easy: simply lower your expectations until your life is better than you expected. Sounds like a joke. But is it really?

Make do with as little as you can in every aspect of life without torturing yourself. IMO this also counts for creative ambitions: there are writers who propose to postpone writing for as long as you can.

Healthy long-term relationships, on the other side, seem to require a fair amount of luck, though.

Re: How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

#37

Post by YZF »

nicklaf wrote: post #28
mbrodersen wrote: post #7

It’s actually quite easy: simply lower your expectations until your life is better than you expected. Sounds like a joke. But is it really?

So basically, maximal happiness then is no different than TCP throughput.

heh. congestion control. Which algorithm for "happiness control"? CUBIC? Reno?

Re: How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

#38

Post by nicklaf »

YZF wrote: post #37
nicklaf wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So basically, maximal happiness then is no different than TCP throughput.

heh. congestion control. Which algorithm for "happiness control"? CUBIC? Reno?

Haha, I was only aware of the basic idea. I had no idea there's so much work coming up with more optimal algorithms, but I guess it makes sense considering.

It would be amusing if the extra details didn't break down the analogy....

Re: How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

#39

Post by chii »

bigDinosaur wrote: post #11
mbrodersen wrote: post #7

It’s actually quite easy: simply lower your expectations until your life is better than you expected. Sounds like a joke. But is it really?

Yes, that does sound like a joke.

it sounds like a joke because people who cannot lower their expectations don't believe those who did and their new found happiness must be a lie.

I guess it really is dependent on personality, upbringing and other nurture of the person.

Re: How to Live a Happy Life (2016)

#40

Post by chii »

MerelyMortal wrote: post #33
eggsmediumrare wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is worthwhile if not happiness?

People can define what is worthwhile to them, such as helping others at their own expense. Perhaps one could argue that is what makes them "happy" and thus achieve "happiness" even though they might be suffering.

Someone who pours their resources at helping others get happiness, but never achieving his own, will eventually turn cynical imho.
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