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Choose your status game wisely

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Re: Choose your status game wisely

#51

Post by cortesoft »

lordnacho wrote: post #40

The thing I do is I keep many social circles. Family groups, friends from different language groups, work groups, educational groups, interest groups, kids' friends' parents, and so on. That way there's really no hierarchy, it's like being a contractor at a business or an acquaintance at a party. People will still find you interesting but not threatening. Weirdly they also find you familiar despite you not being ther…

Interestingly, I kind of do the opposite. I have one tiny social circle, basically my immediate family (wife and two kids). I work to make money, then spend that money on my family and my hobbies, which are all solo endeavors. I don’t socialize outside of that, really. I play video games once a week with my high school friends online.

My hobbies aren’t involved in my status because I don’t really talk to anyone about them. I build things for myself, I create things that I never show anyone, just because I enjoy doing it. I play with my kids, and talk with my wife. Don’t really have a desire to do much else.

Re: Choose your status game wisely

#52

Post by pgorczak »

swagasaurus-rex wrote: post #16

Who is more cool? Somebody who makes it clear they're wealthy or well connected or attractive or smart or etc... Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with no desire to display anything about themselves? There's a minority of people who go by their own compass. The things that gratify status seekers don't do it for them. That's not to say they don't have needs. They need friends, stimulation, hobbies, achievements.…

The parent comment hints at another interpretation of status, which is also used in improv. The status you “play” in your interaction with others, which can be different from your social status (https://www.respect4acting.com/status1.html)

This kind of status is much more dynamic and it’s also something you can choose to give or take, balance or clutch (although the latter might end up having the opposite effect).

It’s more uplifting to me to think of a “status game” this way. It’s a bit of a competition but we’re also the judges. Status doesn’t just manifest, it has to be granted by someone who is also playing the game.

Re: Choose your status game wisely

#53

Post by torginus »

swagasaurus-rex wrote: post #16

Who is more cool? Somebody who makes it clear they're wealthy or well connected or attractive or smart or etc... Or somebody who is upbeat and friendly with no desire to display anything about themselves? There's a minority of people who go by their own compass. The things that gratify status seekers don't do it for them. That's not to say they don't have needs. They need friends, stimulation, hobbies, achievements.…

The second one, but this is a false dichotomy. If you are smart, educated, wealthy, or have a prestigious job you have claim to high status, no matter how humble or boastful you are about it. If you don't, you are faking it until (and if) you make it.

True status doesn't rely on how much you flaunt it.

This is the problem with the dreaded humblebrag - it's usually when people try to combine the two - complain about their expensive vacations, how much their dream job sucks etc. - they try to appear down to earth while at the same time rubbing in others' faces how much better they are.

Re: Choose your status game wisely

#54

Post by wowokay »

f0e4c2f7 wrote: post #32

Sometimes you see articles like this that insist that you have to play a status game of some kind etc etc. The hacker in me sees that as even more reason to look for examples of ways alleviate myself of such nonsense. If you read books like "Surely you're joking Mr. Feynman" you run across stories of him playing with Status games and poking fun at them. Though I'm sure one could argue Feynman had status games he play…

I agree. I can understand that the article is focused on pointing out that everyone seems status in some way or another, but I think it is fair to say that somethings shouldn’t really be considered status. Working for money, fame, influence. Those are pursuits some people have no interest in, I don’t think it’s fair to say someone who cares about their family, or hanging out with friends view those activities with the same lust people chasing money, power, etc, do. Maybe there is more to be said about how individuals view their “status” pursuits then labeling everyone as animals pursuing status.

Re: Choose your status game wisely

#55

Post by joshuacc »

sacrosancty wrote: post #37
f0e4c2f7 wrote: post #32

Sometimes you see articles like this that insist that you have to play a status game of some kind etc etc. The hacker in me sees that as even more reason to look for examples of ways alleviate myself of such nonsense. If you read books like "Surely you're joking Mr. Feynman" you run across stories of him playing with Status games and poking fun at them. Though I'm sure one could argue Feynman had status games he play…

Status usually represents having done some social good. The more good you do, the higher your status. If you look at it as a measure of how much good a person has done, then it might not seem so contemptable. Who did more good for more people - a hermit or Bill Gates?

Many cultures and religions would say that the hermit did, or at least might have. :)

Re: Choose your status game wisely

#56

Post by skmurphy »

this reminded me of the "This is Water" commencement speech given by David Foster Wallace to the 2005 graduating class at Kenyon College. Key graf:

"In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshiping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of God or spiritual-type thing to worship — be it J.C. or Allah, be it Yahweh or the Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set of ethical principles — is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive."

Full talk available at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122178211966454607.html https://fs.blog/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/

Re: Choose your status game wisely

#57

Post by kansface »

f0e4c2f7 wrote: post #32

Sometimes you see articles like this that insist that you have to play a status game of some kind etc etc. The hacker in me sees that as even more reason to look for examples of ways alleviate myself of such nonsense. If you read books like "Surely you're joking Mr. Feynman" you run across stories of him playing with Status games and poking fun at them. Though I'm sure one could argue Feynman had status games he play…

Somewhat ironically, refusing to acknowledge or honor conventional status games is itself a status increasing play among hackers, which invalidates the spirit of the advice if not the advice itself! This is also probably terrible advice for a different milieu.

Re: Choose your status game wisely

#58

Post by jkaptur »

lordnacho wrote: post #40

The thing I do is I keep many social circles. Family groups, friends from different language groups, work groups, educational groups, interest groups, kids' friends' parents, and so on. That way there's really no hierarchy, it's like being a contractor at a business or an acquaintance at a party. People will still find you interesting but not threatening. Weirdly they also find you familiar despite you not being ther…

I'm a huge fan of the Real Housewives of X for two reasons - first, like you say, they're fantastic petri dishes of relationships and status games.

But even beyond intellectual curiosity, they also give you a useful topic of conversation when you take your advice and socialize beyond the Hacker News / Silicon Valley bubble.

Re: Choose your status game wisely

#59

Post by angarg12 »

Not sure how this will sit with the HN crowd, but a couple of years back I got into menswear, and I derive some pleasure from being the "best dressed guy" at the office.

Beyond personal opinions on that particular hobby, I can confirm first hand that living at the intersection of two or more personas (e.g. a programmer that dresses well) brings a peculiar sense of joy. I might no have much status in either of those categories, but bringing both together makes you stand out more.

Re: Choose your status game wisely

#60

Post by LAC-Tech »

balaji1 wrote: post #49
LAC-Tech wrote: post #19

Honestly I wish I had paid a bit more attention to status in my life. Our culture tells you don't need to follow the crowd or play the game and you can march to the beat of your own drum. But honestly, that's overrated.

What do you wish you had more of in terms of status? Or where you wish you had followed the crowd?

Just wish I'd played the game more. Focused on grades, internships, prestigious companies.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a sob story. I'm just very career & success focused in my 30s, and was too school for cool up until my mid 20s.

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