Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to work with me

davidbauer.ch

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

101–110 of 225 posts

Re: How to work with me

#101

Post by JabavuAdams »

This is neat, but it puts a certain spin on your personality that might give others pause, even if they would be totally okay with working with someone who just behaved as outlined in the doc. There's a whiff of being overly prescriptive, and prima-donna-ish. Of maybe being Aspergers / on the Autistic spectrum, which could be +ve or -ve, depending on who's hiring.

Overall, I think I would like to work with someone who is conscientious enough and introspective enough to take the effort to make a doc like this. On the other hand, I did have to suppress a bit of an eye-roll and I would wonder whether contextually they'd be annoying to work with or oblivious to subtler contexts and human interactions. But I've written plenty of communications that could cause the same questions in someone else, so...

Re: How to work with me

#102

Post by JabavuAdams »

dessant wrote: post #69
davidbauer wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Points taken. Will try to work on a second version that will keep in mind how this came across to you (and others in this thread).

I've skimmed your post, and I honestly feel like the content is not the main issue here, but the fact that it was written and published. You could share how you prefer to interact with people if the need arises , preferably by addressing them directly about the points that are relevant for your interactions, and without giving them the impression that you've handed in a list of preferences.

Yes! The fact that someone would write a doc like this for their own introspection and growth - great! The fact that you would publish it or supply it as a prelude to interaction - weeeird. But again, I've made similar gaffes. Will probably make more.

Re: How to work with me

#103

Post by kjs3 »

bsuvc wrote: post #8

To me, it seems a little condescending to be told how to act toward someone. On some level it is helpful to know your teammates, but on the other hand it can come across as self centered, like you think you're special and require special instructions for interacting with. I'm sure you have good intentions in creating this, but if someone gave this to me I would instantly thing "oh man this person is going to be high…

I agree. I showed it to a couple of teammates and the universal opinion was that if someone handed us something this pedantic, we'd be making sure to minimize any interaction with or reliance on this person. Especially reliance on...I can only see an endless variety of "you didn't read my required document and interact with me strictly in my self-approved manner, therefore I feel entitled to ignore you/condescend to you some more/report you to HR/ruin your day (or whatever negative I deem appropriate)". Life is too short.

Re: How to work with me

#104

Post by AlwaysRock »

I love the idea of these. Last time I heard of them I sat down to write one and couldnt get through more than 1 or 2 points before feeling like it was a incredibly self indulgent exercise that wouldnt actually be helpful to anyone.

I couldnt imagine sharing this with a coworker. Even if I did, I cant imagine they would read all of it and internalize it. Most people act how they act. They may adjust their behavior slightly when interacting with you but they are not going to adopt a whole new communication style or something complex just to work better with you.

The only person I feel like I could share this with without feeling like an ass would be my direct manager. And typically I have a similar conversation with them during one on ones in the first 6 months of working there.

But at the end of the day its a compromise. Managers are often good at managing and motivating in MAYBE one way. If your way of ideally being managed or motivated doesnt align with theirs then you will both have to find some middle ground. Or change teams/managers/companies.

Re: How to work with me

#105

Post by JabavuAdams »

kkjjkgjjgg wrote: post #28

Cool, and then let's make it harassment to ignore the instructions in somebodies user manual (not just ignoring their pronoun preference), so everybody has to learn the user manual of all their colleagues by heart.

I mean, or we could not catastrophize and slippery-slope this. Given the eye-rolls and push-back just on evidence here, I don't think this idea has legs. I wonder how much of this is generational. Like "how freaking entitled are these kids now?" Publishing manuals on how to talk to them. Not saying I fully believe that, but it's the obvious "get off my lawn ya damn kids" reaction.

Re: How to work with me

#106

Post by danw1979 »

> If you start working with a new person, wouldn’t it be nice if you had some sort of user manual that gives you a basic understanding of how to work with them?

This is literally the last thing I would look for or indeed think to look for.

Re: How to work with me

#107

Post by clpm4j »

I'm not against these types of documents in theory... I can see the use. But anecdotally, the two coworkers who've provided me with 'How to Work with Me' docs have been the most difficult, overly detailed micromanagers that I've interacted with. And on the other hand, all of the great colleagues I've worked with have just been personable, talented people who didn't come with an operating manual.

Re: How to work with me

#108

Post by escapedmoose »

danw1979 wrote: post #106

> If you start working with a new person, wouldn’t it be nice if you had some sort of user manual that gives you a basic understanding of how to work with them? This is literally the last thing I would look for or indeed think to look for.

I think I would want one written by someone else. It’d be more honest.

Re: How to work with me

#109

Post by escapedmoose »

Aside from the reflexive “yikes, dude” that this gives me, I wouldn’t trust the content itself. A manual written by someone who’s worked with you for years would be far more valuable. But my first impression of a person who hands me something like this is going to be “what past interpersonal disasters have you wrought that led you to put time into something like this?”

…case in point is a current coworker of mine, who gave me something like a verbal version of this manual when we started working together. He almost immediately began acting completely opposite to what he said. Turns out his spiel was more aspirational than honest. Seems like he was trying to convince me to like him before his behavior steered me in the other direction. Not that I can’t work with the guy, but I had to learn my own ways to get around his quirks—ways which were certainly not outlined in his introduction.

Re: How to work with me

#110

Post by jacquesm »

bananamerica wrote: post #79
jacquesm wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your document makes it seem like this is something original that you dreamed up, not that you are copying a concept from someone else.

Most of the document you linked is about management practices, presumably written by someone in a management position. This sets the tone. The last topic is more similar to what you wrote, but it is much shorter and to the point. How to Rands is framed as a declaration of management philosophy, and, as such, sounds entirely appropriate. Yours is more personal in nature. If you are in a management position, it may be…

I think you replied to the wrong comment.
Post reply on HN