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How to work with me

davidbauer.ch

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Re: How to work with me

#31

Post by davidbauer »

andersco wrote: post #21

My boss at my previous company created one of these with the intention of being “helpful”. It basically stated you should address me in this manner, use this form of communication etc. I asked him if he would be ok with me also creating a similar user manual telling him how I should be communicated with. He said it would be ok, as long as it did not contradict his user manual. IMO, these seem to me to be a friendly w…

Tongue-in-cheek title aside, I really do believe that it's helpful if a lot of people do write down some sort of user manual for themselves. These can be a great starting point for having conversations on how to best work together and spot potential areas of conflict in advance. In no way should these be seen as dictating the rules.

Re: How to work with me

#32

Post by davidbauer »

thenerdhead wrote: post #23
was_a_dev wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can see them being useful, but honestly, this manual is too long. Give me the quick start guide I don't want to learn 35 rules and their context. Give me the five most important points that make you tick.

Yeah this user manual goes a bit too deep. It could easily be 1/3 the size and focus on what you said. I think the author forgot to include the "me" part of these sections as generalized tips are not personal. EX: how to give me feedback -> 3 ways I enjoy getting feedback.

Good point, thanks.

Re: How to work with me

#33

Post by sdoering »

Title editorialized. Original title is "How to work with me".

To quote dang from 12 hours ago: > It's against the HN guidelines to editorialize titles like this. Please see https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html: "Please use the original title, unless it is misleading or linkbait; don't editorialize."

Re: How to work with me

#34

Post by keithnz »

I like the idea, but this manual is not very good. It told me almost nothing about the person. Instead it seemed to sound a bit like a corporate manifesto of how one should conduct oneself.

Re: How to work with me

#35

Post by andai »

richardfey wrote: post #2

I remember the face my boss made when I told him I would make one for me too when he was showcasing his manual. He didn't expect that and said it wasn't necessary.

"Do what I say, not what I do."

Re: How to work with me

#36

Post by andai »

ushakov wrote: post #5

no person ever will want read this page ...and no mentally stable person ever needs to write a page like this this just screams "i'm a narcissist, these are my rules. wanna talk to me? obey the rules!"

Did you read the page?

Re: "no person will ever want to read this page": I have read the manual, I found it quite refreshing actually. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

I was thinking of creating a manual of my own, and a curious thought occurred to me while reading your response (and other negative responses in this thread): the kind of people who are repelled by this sort of thing are probably not the kind of folks I'd enjoy working with, so that's actually a feature as far as I'm concerned. (Not making a negative evaluation about a group of people, just stating a personal preference and how such a "filter" as a personal manual might actually work to one's favor.)

Steve Pavlina has written on this subject[0], how broadcasting your true personality/values/desires will get you a lot more rejections, but will also allow you to connect with others who are a better match for you, who might have missed your authentic self if you had masked it instead.

He asserts that most people are so afraid of rejection (getting a "1" ie. a mismatch) that they settle for "partial matches" in the 6-7 range, but they'd actually be far happier if they had the courage to broadcast their true values because it's the only way to find the "10s".

[0] https://stevepavlina.com/blog/2014/09/ones-and-tens/

Re: How to work with me

#37

Post by uniqueuid »

davidbauer wrote: post #20
bsuvc wrote: post #8

To me, it seems a little condescending to be told how to act toward someone. On some level it is helpful to know your teammates, but on the other hand it can come across as self centered, like you think you're special and require special instructions for interacting with. I'm sure you have good intentions in creating this, but if someone gave this to me I would instantly thing "oh man this person is going to be high…

Points taken. Will try to work on a second version that will keep in mind how this came across to you (and others in this thread).

Thanks! By the way, it might help people if the frame of reference was clear.

Did you write this for your managing role at NZZ? Or as a freelancer? Or ...?

Re: How to work with me

#38

Post by andai »

Bancakes wrote: post #6

Sounds great for people on the spectrum. However, neurotypicals either don't care about you at all, or care enough to converse with you until we learn your unspoken manual.

The manual says we prefer texting ;)

Re: How to work with me

#39

Post by etrautmann »

davidbauer wrote: post #20
bsuvc wrote: post #8

To me, it seems a little condescending to be told how to act toward someone. On some level it is helpful to know your teammates, but on the other hand it can come across as self centered, like you think you're special and require special instructions for interacting with. I'm sure you have good intentions in creating this, but if someone gave this to me I would instantly thing "oh man this person is going to be high…

Points taken. Will try to work on a second version that will keep in mind how this came across to you (and others in this thread).

I had this reaction to the title, but reading the piece after I found it to be general points for all interactions among people rather than particular instructions for interacting with you (which I agree would be off-putting).

Re: How to work with me

#40

Post by ushakov »

andai wrote: post #36
ushakov wrote: post #5

no person ever will want read this page ...and no mentally stable person ever needs to write a page like this this just screams "i'm a narcissist, these are my rules. wanna talk to me? obey the rules!"

Did you read the page? Re: "no person will ever want to read this page": I have read the manual, I found it quite refreshing actually. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I was thinking of creating a manual of my own, and a curious thought occurred to me while reading your response (and other negative responses in this thread): the kind of people who are repelled by this sort of thing are probably not the…

of course not! why would i?
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