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Mourning loss as a remote team

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Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#401

Post by Angostura »

jddil wrote: post #203
Angostura wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd be interested to see the logic applied to other jobs. What's your job using this kind of reductionist logic? Are there any jobs that aren't "protect the company" in some way?

If you're working for a for-profit company .... uhh no? And I'm a software engineer, I solve business problems with code. If I decide to to write some code that doesn't help the company I would probably be fired or at least put on a PIP

That's right your job is to protect the business by producing code that maximises profit and doesn't put them at risk.

That's all you do

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#402

Post by watwut »

BoorishBears wrote: post #379
watwut wrote: post #378

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Colleagues are entitled to details of mental health issues nor other issues someone who just killed himself had. If there is public record, they are entitled to that and nothing more. The death person and his/her family have their own right to privacy and it trumps curiosity of collegues.

This isn't about the curiosity of collegues?? Again, this isn't some random suicide, these are people in a known high pressure environment already aware this person committed suicide. The organization can pretend nothing happened (even though everyone already knew), or they can take charge and try and help these people cope with that devastating news and help anyone who might already be in a bad place... Once you're…

Some of those are close people ... others are not. Some might be are bullies who contributed too. That would not be rare either.

> Once you're dead you're dead, that's why causes of death aren't personal... there's no person left.

The family and actually close friends are left. And people who are about to die deserve to know their privacy will remain private too.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#403

Post by knorker »

Graffur wrote: post #381
knorker wrote: post #368

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I video call my parents. I'm not convinced by "natural, therefore better". The "can see everyone" is the one thing that's better with video than in person. But yes in person as a whole is better.

Imagine a scenario where you just audio called your parents then..

I'm not following.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#404

Post by Kon-Peki »

anonporridge wrote: post #206
HeyLaughingBoy wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is the worst! I remember when a long-time team member died unexpectedly one weekend. We all learned about it at the Monday standup meeting and we luckily had the common sense to cancel the standup because no one wanted to talk. A number of us went to the funeral and his wife told me (I had met her once before) that she was so happy that his co-workers came to pay their respects. It made her feel that he had a la…

> I hate, hate, hate the way corps try to brush away any unpleasantness like ignoring it means it didn't happen! I personally don't mind it. It's a good reminder that we as individuals are just replaceable cogs in the machine, that all of us are only as valuable as the productivity we can contribute in the future, and that our sense of loyalty to it should be adjusted accordingly. Don't ever expect a corporation of a…

> Don't ever expect a corporation of any kind to act like a human or a family, because it's not, even if they try to put on a humanoid face.

Many years ago, we hired a guy from halfway across the country. For money reasons he left his wife and kids behind and started the job ASAP, with the plan to rent an apartment and go back to get them over a holiday weekend approximately 1 month away.

So he worked with us for about 4 weeks, and then when driving his family here on that holiday weekend they were hit by a drunk driver; he and his wife were killed and the kids needed to be airlifted to a big city hospital.

Our CEO intervened with the insurance companies to backdate everything so his life insurance would pay out and the kids' medical bills would be paid for as long as they needed to be paid. He made sure that the kids got airlifted again - to the hospital nearest to their grandparents, and then said that any employees who wanted to travel to attend the funeral would get paid time off to do so (he went too).

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#405

Post by notamy »

leaflets2 wrote: post #392
notamy wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We had a large number of employees with serious medical conditions or other personal issues that prevented them from holding down normal jobs and really appreciated not having to go on video. This is the reason I treasure my current company. The work I do works around my disability perfectly, they don't demand I have video on, they're very understanding of my health issues, ... I got seriously lucky and hope I don'…

Can I ask, what's the disability? When a company wants a video meeting, what are, to you, better ways to say "please join the meeting with video, but if you have a disability that makes you not want to use video, that's totally fine"? I hope you're doing ok in spite of the disability

> Can I ask, what's the disability?

I would rather not specify, as it is quite personal. Suffice to say that I'm very affected physically and mentally day-to-day, so I'm typically unable to put effort into my appearance.

> When a company wants a video meeting, what are, to you, better ways to say "please join the meeting with video, but if you have a disability that makes you not want to use video, that's totally fine"?

I'm unsure how to best communicate that; the only thing I can think of is to just state up-front that video is not required. I typically don't have issue with just never turning on a webcam.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#406

Post by Twirrim »

saalweachter wrote: post #374
Twirrim wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had someone I knew from two consecutive jobs commit suicide. We'd routinely cross paths through meetings, water cooler chats etc. Nice guy, smart engineer. Capable of handling stressful incidents without batting an eyelid and spotting the shorted path to the best resolution. The kind of engineer you'd be lucky to have on your service team. He grabbed me for a lunch time meal about a week before he committed suicide…

> Capable of handling stressful incidents without batting an eyelid... A lot of anxiety-ridden people have a sort of "Hulk secret" that they seem to handle stressful situations well because they are always extremely stressed . If they couldn't maintain a calm exterior while freaking out inside they couldn't get through the line at the grocery, so when shit starts hitting the fan for real that mask makes other people…

That's a really interesting point that hadn't occurred to me before. Thanks!

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#407

Post by alxndr »

Kon-Peki wrote: post #404
anonporridge wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I hate, hate, hate the way corps try to brush away any unpleasantness like ignoring it means it didn't happen! I personally don't mind it. It's a good reminder that we as individuals are just replaceable cogs in the machine, that all of us are only as valuable as the productivity we can contribute in the future, and that our sense of loyalty to it should be adjusted accordingly. Don't ever expect a corporation of a…

> Don't ever expect a corporation of any kind to act like a human or a family, because it's not, even if they try to put on a humanoid face. Many years ago, we hired a guy from halfway across the country. For money reasons he left his wife and kids behind and started the job ASAP, with the plan to rent an apartment and go back to get them over a holiday weekend approximately 1 month away. So he worked with us for abo…

Did the Board of Directors approve all of that?

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#408

Post by leaflets2 »

notamy wrote: post #405
leaflets2 wrote: post #392

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can I ask, what's the disability? When a company wants a video meeting, what are, to you, better ways to say "please join the meeting with video, but if you have a disability that makes you not want to use video, that's totally fine"? I hope you're doing ok in spite of the disability

> Can I ask, what's the disability? I would rather not specify, as it is quite personal. Suffice to say that I'm very affected physically and mentally day-to-day, so I'm typically unable to put effort into my appearance. > When a company wants a video meeting, what are, to you, better ways to say "please join the meeting with video, but if you have a disability that makes you not want to use video, that's totally fin…

Ok, then I better understand. Thanks for the reply.

> the only thing I can think of is to just state up-front that video is not required

Ok :-) Hmm, maybe saying something like "appreciated but not required" -- since it's also good for team building, if the others get to see each others sometimes.

Sorry for the late reply

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