Ask HN: How to stop being so anxious about job interviews?

Before I started: yes, I have generalized anxiety disorder, properly diagnosed, properly treated. It has not bothered in me in years, and for someone who couldn't get a haircut without feeling the heart racing to 150bpm, it's been really great. All that therapy and (some, intermittent) medication worked, except for one use case: job interviews.

It's not even a career-related anxiety: I manage large teams and am able to deal with all sorts of people at levels junior to EVP, no problem, very little is capable of throwing me off-balance.

Yet here I am. I have a Meta interview later tonight, and I feel lightheaded, sick, and weak-kneeled. I measured my temperature and I've got a minor fever. Couldn't sleep at night. All psychological - I am not sick. Thinking about it, here are some of the things that cause all those reactions:

1) Fear of embarrassing myself in front of very senior/accomplished people. 2) Getting stuck/blocked or coming up with a laughable solution that won't make sense. 3) Rejection fear and worse: fear of a downward spiral of failure that can end my career (typical catastrophic thinking).

Oddly enough, I don't feel anything like that in behavioral interviews. It's only in those where I need to be "creative", like system design or coding. I am having a miserable weekend because of this. Frequently I think about cancelling interviews (and many times I do - this is the 3rd time I'm talking to Meta, the last 2 I cancelled the loops) because of this combination of anxiety and misery at peak level for so many hours and days.

People who have similar symptoms, how do/did you deal with it?

You are comfortable with managing teams possibly because you've made that zone comfortable for yourself. Would it be fair to say you'd be just as anxious if you had to manage a completely new team with people you don't know?

A few things I can share, with the usual disclaimer that this is how I've worked through the anxiety. Yes you are going to an interview, but interviews are a two way conversation - you are going there to find out whether Meta is a fit for you. It's not just the other way around.

Remember that these are humans talking to you, who have empathy. They will respond well to honesty. If you think you have come up with a laughable solution, it's a simple matter of saying that this is what you'd do, unsure of what the best solution is, and you can ask them back how _they_ would solve it. They can answer and move on to the next topic.

I find mindfulness to be an incredibly useful tool for dealing with thoughts of anxiety. When a thought pops in your head about how you're going to screw up or you're unqualified for the job or whatever, just label that thought. "This is a thought of anxiety." Don't engage with it and go down that wormhole; just label the thought. This is easier said than done, and takes practice, but as soon as you realize you're in the anxious thought spiral, label it and focus on being present again.

Dr. Jon Kabat Zinn, who is the head of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the UMass Medical School, wrote a wonderful and simple book about this called "Wherever You Go, there you are."

I get anxious as well, not to the degree you do but I often need to take the rest of the day off after 1-2 interviews and have to prep the morning to help calm myself down. I usually run in the morning and eat a banana an hour before. The way I was able to get offers was practicing a lot. I did leetcode, mock interviews, and then real interviews to make them feel like just another meeting. Take interviews when recruiters offer them, convince yourself you don’t care, then do enough that you actually don’t care anymore. I did this last month and only interviewed with three companies. Another hint is interview with a different team at the same company even if you’re not completely sold on that team, getting the hang of a company’s interview culture is a superpower. Hope that helps.

Not a doctor, but even if your generalized anxiety disorder is properly treated for everyday life, interviews are not everyday life, and are stressful for most individuals without anxiety disorders too, so it's understandable to experience peak anxiety during those times.

Please talk to your doctor and see what they'd recommend for situations like this. I know even professional musicians and public speakers may take beta blockers for performance anxiety. Your doctor may recommend upping the dose of one of your sedatives on a day you've got interviews to counteract the increased base level anxiety you're experiencing because of the added stress.

Getting practice on more interviews may help in the long run, but today you may need to ask for advice from your doctor, given your anxiety disorder diagnosis.

Deep breaths, take a beat, and good luck! Most people don't even make it to the interview stage, so you're definitely doing something right! Let us know how it goes :)