For me, it was an MBA, which taught me some fundamental psychology, self-reflection, other aspects that are part of the personal leadership journey.
Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
401–410 of 568 posts
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#402Earlier quoted context omitted.
This may sound like a dumb question, but which person in the before picture, and which person in the after? It's like four different people. :D
I think rightmost in the old, and leftmost in the new
That was my thoughts too, which led me to assume that the transformative moment was related to some sort of sexual awakening (which comes with a whole slew of positive outcomes like inclusion, belonging and empowerment, particularly if you’ve been in repressive community or mental state). The comment doesn’t mention this all though, so it’s pure speculation.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#403Practice. Practice practice practice. Which sounds daunting, but… …now, I realize it’s unfair to map physical appearance to awkwardness, but…let’s take a look at me in 2008 versus 2021. https://imgur.com/7sR0qKt Can you infer I might have been awkward? Because I was awkward. Always had been, and in a lot of ways, I am still am. But I am vastly better than I used to be. And it was practice. Slow, slow, slow practice.…
> Practice. Practice practice practice. I don't really care about social awkwarness, but I'm annoyed that I used to be really good at presentations and training people, and I suck right now, because of lack of practice. And I didn't even actively practice before the presentation, I just jotted down a few ideas and was really passionate about the subject matter. Nowadays I find a lot of times that I stumble mid idea,…
Have you had children since then, or changed sleep patterns?
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#404I took acting classes. They really throw in awkward situations.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#405These comments make me feel like I'm getting old, which is weird to me. There are so many proactive comments that remind me of my 18 year old self. Social awkwardness, for me and for a lot of people I know, sort of just vanished with age. - The same kind of weird, unexplainable, vicious attitude that passes for cool among teenagers and some early adults fades for most people. The people who still adhere to that code…
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Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#406Earlier quoted context omitted.
Just to build upon the Practice element you mentioned, any time you want to change something, then do exposure therapy Can you go to the bar, speak to 50 people, make 5 excellent business contacts and conquor the world? No Can you go to the bar and speak to 50 people? No Can you go to the bar and speak to 3 people? No Can you go to the bar? Yes Ok, this time go to the bar, if you're not ready to speak to people then…
In general I would agree to your advice of taking small steps, but with the concrete examples, my former self would think "but then everyone remembers me as the creepy guy, who just comes and looks at everyone. I could not go to step 2 then"
Could you switch to a different bar not to be recognized as such?
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#407Acting class.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#408Honestly, you're going to hate this answer by like anything it gets better with practice. Get yourself out there. There's no drug or storehouse cure or anything other then doing it.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#409Practice. Practice practice practice. Which sounds daunting, but… …now, I realize it’s unfair to map physical appearance to awkwardness, but…let’s take a look at me in 2008 versus 2021. https://imgur.com/7sR0qKt Can you infer I might have been awkward? Because I was awkward. Always had been, and in a lot of ways, I am still am. But I am vastly better than I used to be. And it was practice. Slow, slow, slow practice.…
Just to build upon the Practice element you mentioned, any time you want to change something, then do exposure therapy Can you go to the bar, speak to 50 people, make 5 excellent business contacts and conquor the world? No Can you go to the bar and speak to 50 people? No Can you go to the bar and speak to 3 people? No Can you go to the bar? Yes Ok, this time go to the bar, if you're not ready to speak to people then…
This is a meta-skill that many would benefit from. Find the smallest step towards your goal and try. If it’s too much, back off. If it felt comfortable, try a bigger step.
Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?
#410Earlier quoted context omitted.
> But none of those drugs will result in the long-term change that you’re looking for. Grandparent states: “and then realized that if I could do that with a drug then I could probably do it without a drug. (I haven’t done e in over a decade).”
I don’t think taking MDMA is a prerequisite to realizing that you can become a different person. If one is to take drugs for that purpose, LCD or mushrooms would be much better - insofar as safely realizing that your day to day cognition is not as static as you might assume.
I think you're ending up splitting hairs here, starting out by initially (apparently) saying drugs should be avoided, but then coming around to the position that LSD or mushrooms would be much better than MDMA, even though plenty of others would warn people off LSD and mushrooms in just the same way as you've done with MDMA.
It's tricky talking about drugs that are illegal and that can be harmful, but can also be highly beneficial and safe when taken under the right conditions. Let's try to avoid blanket condemnations and moralising; HN is meant to be a place for more nuanced discussions than that.
MDMA has for several decades been widely reported, anecdotally, to bring about profound, lasting, changes in people's emotional states, and to set them on long-term journeys of personal growth. And in recent years many governments around the world have green-lit medical trials into its benefits for various kinds of emotional/psychiatric conditions, though of course few people have access to these trials.
So, let's not be so dismissive of someone being open enough to share their personal experience.