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Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

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Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#201

Post by trevinhofmann »

kaba0 wrote: post #189
akhmatova wrote: post #23

Throwing myself out there, getting rejected and snubbed otherwise slapped around a lot .. until I slowly started to figure out how to observe "normal, healthy" people and learn from them. Among the things we learn is -- that we are much more "plastic" (and able to change by sheer force of will) than we initially thought. Things like hygiene, posture, clarity of speech (such that people can at least understand us) and…

I would be very interested in any tips regarding improving one’s speech skills. I am way too prone to talking too fast to the point where I have sometimes trouble forming words and any like “I didn’t get that” makes me more anxious increasing my rate of mistakes. But strangely it largely creeped up to me when I was around 20ish years old, while my teenage anxiety largely diminished.

I personally recommend joining a local Toastmasters club. They can help you with speed, tone, volume, etc. It can benefit your conversational speech as well, not only public speaking.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#202

Post by rubenabergel »

checkout https://www.youtube.com/socialanimal - there is a whole series of random people (over 50 subscribers in 10 cities) being on video and talking to strangers for a day, I am sure it will inspire you and give you perspective :)

also from the same channel:

1/ About the importance of realizing that talking to people is first and foremost a side effect of expressing yourself. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lKRM76uFeI

2/ About the importance of having a healthy relationship with your desire https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZAgGiDf2lo

3/About what people miss about confidence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9msqcQedsQ

4/About the essence of interacting and conversation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FD7arE3Zcyw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3NZp2Umh5E

5/About what we really have in common with people and why talking to strangers can be hard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3HKzBJRROI

6/Why people fear rejection https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IHZELlrxiA

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#203

Post by Gwarzo »

cj wrote: post #181
thih9 wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> But none of those drugs will result in the long-term change that you’re looking for. Grandparent states: “and then realized that if I could do that with a drug then I could probably do it without a drug. (I haven’t done e in over a decade).”

I don’t think taking MDMA is a prerequisite to realizing that you can become a different person. If one is to take drugs for that purpose, LCD or mushrooms would be much better - insofar as safely realizing that your day to day cognition is not as static as you might assume.

Nobody does; he's providing an anecdote.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#204

Post by n0mn »

perardi wrote: post #171
n0mn wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And lots of chicken breast, right? I’m amazed at your progress! I worked with you 12 years ago. What a small world! Can confirm, he was awkward (but also talented)!

Absurd amounts of chicken breast. (Illini Media?)

Yep! Good times.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#205

Post by creata »

perardi wrote: post #135

Practice. Practice practice practice. Which sounds daunting, but… …now, I realize it’s unfair to map physical appearance to awkwardness, but…let’s take a look at me in 2008 versus 2021. https://imgur.com/7sR0qKt Can you infer I might have been awkward? Because I was awkward. Always had been, and in a lot of ways, I am still am. But I am vastly better than I used to be. And it was practice. Slow, slow, slow practice.…

> I realize it’s unfair to map physical appearance to awkwardness

Doesn't seem like you do (given that you do exactly that in the same sentence).

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#206

Post by gpas »

perardi wrote: post #135

Practice. Practice practice practice. Which sounds daunting, but… …now, I realize it’s unfair to map physical appearance to awkwardness, but…let’s take a look at me in 2008 versus 2021. https://imgur.com/7sR0qKt Can you infer I might have been awkward? Because I was awkward. Always had been, and in a lot of ways, I am still am. But I am vastly better than I used to be. And it was practice. Slow, slow, slow practice.…

What a transformation! I'm speechless. It's like seeing a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. The second pic screams confidence and personality. Thanks for sharing your progress, you are an inspiration.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#208

Post by Osiris »

I find it easier to talk to people when I have shared interests so I started watching my local NFL team so I could talk about the game. I also start Jiu Jitsu and motorcycling.

All those things give me something to talk about with other people. When they show interest it makes it a lot easier to open up.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#209

Post by SergeAx »

Social dancing. Argentinian tango, to be specific.

There are two factors to make shy people more comfortable. First: "everybody in the room are doing it" - being that a class, practice or milonga. Second: codigos, a game-like ritual of asking girl to dance with a stare. If you are rejected - only her knows it.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#210

Post by cfcf14 »

Practice! I forced myself into so many social situations, over and over again. I went to speed date nights on my own. I went to bars to try to talk to strangers.

It was so painful at first. I embarrassed myself. I was foolish and awkward. But I got better. The terrifying became the comfortable, and the mundane.

The journey continues! All things come with practice.

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