Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#141

Post by libraryatnight » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:29 PM UTC

ADHD medication.

I didn't even realize those things would be connected. Turned out a lot of - not all, but a lot - my depression, anxiety, and general weirdness was tied to ADHD.

edit: I feel I should also note I went through a few years of therapy at one point and that also helped, but I can't understate that having ADHD diagnosed as an adult and receiving medication changed my life.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#142

Post by tintor » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:31 PM UTC

Acroyoga

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#143

Post by spicybright » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:31 PM UTC

Pushing yourself into new social situations you could potentially be uncomfortable with. Truama from other people.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#144

Post by spicybright » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:32 PM UTC

asfarley wrote: post #114

_asli wrote: post #87

Ecstasy. I had massive problems speaking with people. I ended up going to a rave with some friends, took some molly, had an amazing time talking to people and then realized that if I could do that with a drug then I could probably do it without a drug. (I haven’t done e in over a decade). I still had some issues with public speaking so during my mba I forced myself to give every presentation possible. This largely so…

Not the first time I’ve heard of this.

Same. Can't wait for this stuff to be studied and legalized at least for meditional use over the next 20 years (if we're being realistic on timelines for this)

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#145

Post by Kaze404 » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:34 PM UTC

For me the biggest thing was realizing that being socially awkward sometimes is not necessarily a problem. After I realized it was part of me, I didn't work to change it or improve it, but I learned how to deal with it. I'm still socially awkward sometimes, but in those moments I become self conscious and can do my best to think things through while also eliminating the useless thoughts ("what if that person over there thinks I'm weird?").

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#146

Post by trollied » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:34 PM UTC

_asli wrote: post #87

Ecstasy. I had massive problems speaking with people. I ended up going to a rave with some friends, took some molly, had an amazing time talking to people and then realized that if I could do that with a drug then I could probably do it without a drug. (I haven’t done e in over a decade). I still had some issues with public speaking so during my mba I forced myself to give every presentation possible. This largely so…

> Note that mdma can kill you, especially if taken without experience. This is not an endorsement of drug taking.

Alcohol is a bigger killer over time.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#147

Post by Kaze404 » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:37 PM UTC

jawns wrote: post #103

Not only was I awkward and shy -- but I was an extravert! I wanted to be around other people and got bored easily when I was by myself. But I didn't necessarily have the social skills to pull it off. So I was pretty miserable. What changed? I've thought a lot about this, and to be honest, while I would love to say that it was an intense, fulfilling journey of self-improvement ... I think what made the biggest differe…

I second this. There's value in knowing how to behave in situations you deem as hostile, but nothing is more valuable than surrounding yourself with respectful, thoughtful and welcoming people. Doing that helped me to change hostile situations for the better, not only for myself but for other people who also struggle with them.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#148

Post by EasyTiger_ » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:37 PM UTC

Exercise helps more than anything I’ve ever found - I don’t mean small amounts I mean exercising till you’re sweating your bits off. Post-exercise you feel ready to CRUSH if you know what I mean :) I feel your pain my friend.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#149

Post by Mikeb85 » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:37 PM UTC

Went to university, also became a waiter in a restaurant at the same time (to pay for it).

And as the top comment says, practice practice practice. Just doing it and realizing the worst that happens is maybe someone is slightly disinterested. In general people are cordial in public.

Also, as you get older you stop caring what people think. So there's that too.

Re: Ask HN: If you used to be socially awkward and shy, how did you improve?

#150

Post by sevensor » Sat, Mar 26, 2022, 9:41 PM UTC

MarcScott wrote: post #125

Martial arts helped me a huge amount. You spend a lot of time doing very silly looking things in the company of others. There's a lot of physical contact with strangers. You teach and coach each other. You also gain a huge amount of confidence in yourself, that grows as you get better. It's a social activity without having the burden of being a team sport. Been a sensei for about ten years now, so I'm also used to st…

Your milage may vary depending on which martial art you choose. In a very traditional studio, you may know your fellow students only by rank. None of this is to take away from the parent's point. Even in that environment, the stuff about physical contact and being awkward in front of others, all of it is true, and all of it is beneficial. Just don't expect that you will necessarily find friends in the same place you find your social confidence.