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Mourning loss as a remote team

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Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#31

Post by toomuchtodo »

willcipriano wrote: post #27
jeandejean wrote: post #22

That's the very reason why I don't want full remote as a norm. I want to see my people and meet colleagues, for a good laugh or whatever but for human interactions that I value a lot. Very sad story here, twice as sad with that profound lack of human interaction...

For me, "my people" are at home. The transactional work relationships do nothing for me on a human or social level. It's like when a pretty waitress is nice to you, it means little since she is paid to be nice.

Second this. Colleagues are just people I interact with to receive a wage. Friends and loved ones are elsewhere and at home.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#32

Post by CoastalCoder »

Philip-J-Fry wrote: post #12
asyncscrum wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Am OP, can speak to the lack of cameras. We actually crafted our process in the Microsoft Lync era. Video was brutal. Also because of the diverse accents (Vietnamese, Portuguese, Russian, Scottish) it was easier to 'listen' without distraction. Obviously if you were starting today, cameras would be on. As you pointed out, probably a mistake.

I feel like it's much easier to understand what someone is saying when you can see their face and mouth than if it's just audio.

Same here. Seeing their lips move often provides just enough additional information for me to correctly guess their words.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#33

Post by [deleted] »

willcipriano wrote: post #27
jeandejean wrote: post #22

That's the very reason why I don't want full remote as a norm. I want to see my people and meet colleagues, for a good laugh or whatever but for human interactions that I value a lot. Very sad story here, twice as sad with that profound lack of human interaction...

For me, "my people" are at home. The transactional work relationships do nothing for me on a human or social level. It's like when a pretty waitress is nice to you, it means little since she is paid to be nice.

[deleted]

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#34

Post by [deleted] »

asyncscrum wrote: post #8
supertofu wrote: post #2

This was heartbreaking to read. What disturbs me most is the lack of any face-to-face time for this distributed team. I understand that not everyone likes to use a webcam, but to have gone 7 years without ever seeing your colleague's face seems, in my opinion, a symptom of a big managerial problem. Software engineers are usually humans, and teams composed of humans should make some effort to interact in a human way -…

Am OP, can speak to the lack of cameras. We actually crafted our process in the Microsoft Lync era. Video was brutal. Also because of the diverse accents (Vietnamese, Portuguese, Russian, Scottish) it was easier to 'listen' without distraction. Obviously if you were starting today, cameras would be on. As you pointed out, probably a mistake.

[deleted]

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#35

Post by [deleted] »

supertofu wrote: post #2

This was heartbreaking to read. What disturbs me most is the lack of any face-to-face time for this distributed team. I understand that not everyone likes to use a webcam, but to have gone 7 years without ever seeing your colleague's face seems, in my opinion, a symptom of a big managerial problem. Software engineers are usually humans, and teams composed of humans should make some effort to interact in a human way -…

[deleted]

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#36

Post by mgkimsal »

basisword wrote: post #18
cweill wrote: post #17

I've been working a Full Time Employee in the industry for over 8 years at multiple companies. Never once has HR done anything remotely useful to help me when there were family problems or tragedy, except maybe a couple weeks of paid leave. But I would like to hear the take from a founder who built an HR team to know if maybe I am missing something. I'm really curious if it's really different being an employee vs a c…

>> I've been working a Full Time Employee in the industry for over 8 years at multiple companies. Never once has HR done anything remotely useful to help me when there were family problems or tragedy, except maybe a couple weeks of paid leave. I’m curious (genuinely) what the company could have done different for you in these cases? Personally I wouldn’t expect anything from the company other than paid leave/general…

I thought the same thing. The only thing I'd want from an employer would be time away and space to deal with things on my own or with family/friends. No texts, calls, emails about anything work related. If you have social connections at work, some show of support from colleagues (cards, flowers, calls, donations, etc) may be appropriate, but I would not expect that. Struggling to think of anything else most employers should be expected to do.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#38

Post by desireco42 »

I lost a colleague year ago. Both him and me were at the similar level, we had really good professional relationship. He had family issues and while we talked, he never wanted to share too much (but I knew what is happening). We did know each other in person before we went remote because of pandemic.

Now, he got laid off during one of the "smart realignments" our oversized corporation did. Didn't make sense at all but it happened. Me and another colleague (both immigrants) were the only one who reached out, I tasked my reports to write him testimonials on LinkedIn etc, my other friend connected him to where he eventually will find a job. He was a proud man, with personal issues, this was really too much.

Two months later he took his life away.

It was really hard to this day to think about this. I was always supportive of him so I don't have that kind of guilt, but I always think, what would happen if he was not laid off, if things were different.

Anyhow, in a weird way, I understand this. We really need to show more support and understanding to each other way more, remote or in person.

After that I was in charge of team and we had so much fun and care about each other, I got a message from a new guy who joined the team around I was leaving, just telling me how unique and good experience he had and how they are trying to preserve all the good things I instituted.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#39

Post by kayodelycaon »

Many times you can’t know it was going to happen.

As some who is bipolar and struggled with suicidal thoughts most of my life, you wouldn’t know. The thoughts had been so constant they became background noise I learned to ignore. By the time I was ten years old, I knew I had to hide anything that wasn’t “normal”.

As far as never meeting the person you knew…

I’ve lost a friend I only knew online this way. I never knew their face, their voice, or their real name, but we had been on the same mod team for two years. We found out because their SO posted some details on Twitter.

A few people organized an online memorial service. I think we used Twitch for the audio for some readings and Discord for discussion.

These things were no different from the friends I’ve known in person. Relationships are relationships.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#40

Post by lostlogin »

asyncscrum wrote: post #8
supertofu wrote: post #2

This was heartbreaking to read. What disturbs me most is the lack of any face-to-face time for this distributed team. I understand that not everyone likes to use a webcam, but to have gone 7 years without ever seeing your colleague's face seems, in my opinion, a symptom of a big managerial problem. Software engineers are usually humans, and teams composed of humans should make some effort to interact in a human way -…

Am OP, can speak to the lack of cameras. We actually crafted our process in the Microsoft Lync era. Video was brutal. Also because of the diverse accents (Vietnamese, Portuguese, Russian, Scottish) it was easier to 'listen' without distraction. Obviously if you were starting today, cameras would be on. As you pointed out, probably a mistake.

I’ve never used Lync, but Teams with poor internet connections is terrible, so I’m not sure everything has improved.

I used to have a lot of Australian colleagues and their connections made calls with 5+ people just horrible.

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