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Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

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171–180 of 287 posts

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not that we have too many mouths to feed, it's that we have too many selfish people in positions of leadership and authority who exploit the masses to line their own pockets. Having 50% less people would reduce the overall hunger numbers, but not the ratio.

> Having 50% less people would reduce the overall hunger numbers, but not the ratio. This argument is flawed because of the we're consuming significantly more resources then our planet could provide sustainably. Increasing the quantity of consumers will always be detrimental for as long as resources are finite.

> we're consuming significantly more resources then our planet could provide sustainably.

That is not true of everyone. Billions live on/with very little, sustainably.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I could see the benefits of having a spiritual community around you, but, like, how do you convince yourself that supernatural things like gods exist? There's just very little tangible or logical there. Or would it be worth it to participate without really believing? Or you just somehow start believing? Frankly, for me doing that would probably be comparable to asking you to convert to Hinduism or something similar.…

The first struggle (and it took a couple of years, and is still in process) is learning that my entire worldview is rooted in the presuppositions of the Enlightenment and of modernism (and postmodernism, to a lesser degree). That is not how people saw the world for most of the history of humanity. And most of the experiences of religion and God that I had growing up were through that same empirical, Enlightenment wor…

I cannot wrap my head around how can You throw away empiricism - for me this is the only working way to validate mental models. Without it You just have infinite space of possibilities that are based on some subset of axioms that You choose as You please. It becomes just a logical and emotional game of who says it better (have better stories to tell).

And I don't belive in numbers or cities - they are just useful abstractions that stop existing when I stop thinking about them (and I'm guessing this is not a property of any potential imaginery supreme being).

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

+1 to not postponing having kids. Obviously, people should not do it if they're not ready. But people think they need to have everything figured out (degree, career, house) first. You don't. And the younger you have kids, the longer you'll be around to spend time with them (or grandkids), and the less chance you'll have fertility issues.

+1 Had kids in late 30s, and now have young kids in my 40s. It is hard physically, mentally, career-wise and other dimensions. Only financially, I'd say I'm less worried than if I was in my early 20s. But my financial security was probably strong right after grad school (world was my oyster!)

Having children is hard. Why do you think it would've been easier physically, mentally, career-wise when you are a lot less established and more stressed in the early 20s?

Isn't the conclusion here "Young children will make your life worse, do not have them"?

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#174
post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The first struggle (and it took a couple of years, and is still in process) is learning that my entire worldview is rooted in the presuppositions of the Enlightenment and of modernism (and postmodernism, to a lesser degree). That is not how people saw the world for most of the history of humanity. And most of the experiences of religion and God that I had growing up were through that same empirical, Enlightenment wor…

I cannot wrap my head around how can You throw away empiricism - for me this is the only working way to validate mental models. Without it You just have infinite space of possibilities that are based on some subset of axioms that You choose as You please. It becomes just a logical and emotional game of who says it better (have better stories to tell). And I don't belive in numbers or cities - they are just useful abs…

Numbers are useful abstractions with no empirical evidence to back them up. That's my point. Numbers are a way of interacting with the physical world and reproduce certain results, but numbers themselves are abstract and have no physical properties.

As for empiricism, I certainly did not throw it out. It's useful, but not for everything. Say I have three knives in my kitchen drawer: a butter knife, a steak knife, and a chef's knife. Empirically speaking, which knife is the best knife? You can tell me all the physical properties of the knife, and the metallurgy of the knife and the shape and weight of each knife, but which knife is the BEST knife, from an empirical point of view? Empiricism has no answer UNTIL you, a person, say "I want to dice this onion" and empiricism can then arrange the knives in a hierarchical order according to which one will work best. But science has nothing to say about "best" or "worst" until an agent in the world has a purpose for which they want to use something. Then empiricism is a wonderful tool.

Another, shorter example: empiricism can help you build a rocket, but has nothing to say about whether you should aim it at the moon, or at a neighboring country.

And one more, just for fun: the empiricism that was used to detect and classify climate change is the same empiricism that was used to make the internal combustion engine. Empiricism is blind as to intent or motive. Empiricism is a toolset, but has no tools for determining a value hierarchy within the bounds of empiricism itself. Empiricism can only go to work once a person has given it a purpose or goal to work towards.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, I had no idea "advanced maternal age" was only 35

It's the type of thing only a doctor can say. I mentioned it off-hand to an ex-girlfriend and was called a sexist (not in an angry/confrontational way, but pretty much dismissed equally off-hand).

> It's the type of thing only a doctor can say.

This information is the first result when you Google "fertility by age" [0].

This should be mentioned more often, not to be sexist, but so everyone has the complete information, it's way more cruel to allow people to be deluded until their forties just for them to realize one day they can't have children.

[0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#176

In your 30s, if you are waiting to have kids for various reasons, you really need to stop delaying. Your probability of successfully having kids goes down every year, and by your early 40s your options for medical help if you have infertility stop being available because even those interventions lose effectiveness. If you want kids, just have the kids. You're not going to care that you were being responsible and wait…

that's for women right? Cause I don't see what's stopping me spreading the seed even at 50. My wood going stronger at 30 than it's ever been at 20

If you want to participate in parenting, you'll want to be somewhat fit. You can expect a lot of lifting, carrying, squatting and sitting on floor, stroller pushing, running after etc. Better chance you won't get exhausted by that at your thirties than fifties.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's the type of thing only a doctor can say. I mentioned it off-hand to an ex-girlfriend and was called a sexist (not in an angry/confrontational way, but pretty much dismissed equally off-hand).

> It's the type of thing only a doctor can say. This information is the first result when you Google "fertility by age" [0]. This should be mentioned more often, not to be sexist, but so everyone has the complete information, it's way more cruel to allow people to be deluded until their forties just for them to realize one day they can't have children. [0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility

From the Wikipedia article itself:

> While many sources suggest a more dramatic drop at around 35, this is unclear since few studies have been conducted since the nineteenth century. One 2004 study of European women found fertility of the 27–34 and the 35–39 groups had only a four-percent difference.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#179

I wish I had realized that I was still young. I had some early startup-ish projects in the late-nineties/early-2k's, they crashed and burned with the dotcom crash, and I felt like I had lost any chance at making something cool or any kind of impact. I even felt like, at the age of 28, I was too old for dating and had missed all my opportunities. Things picked up for me in every respect — professional and personal — a…

30 is the new 20.

I had a talk with a friend the other day about how 50 year olds used to be old. They just don’t look or feel that way now a days

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#180

In your 30s, if you are waiting to have kids for various reasons, you really need to stop delaying. Your probability of successfully having kids goes down every year, and by your early 40s your options for medical help if you have infertility stop being available because even those interventions lose effectiveness. If you want kids, just have the kids. You're not going to care that you were being responsible and wait…

"If you want kids, just have the kids" sounds very irresponsible - a good way to create a lot of suffering. It is not a decision you can reverse. You should give it a lot more thought than to choosing your career, where/how you live, or to getting a pet. It is shocking that so often it is the opposite, and people 'yolo' into this decision. If anything, you should err on the side of not having children, unless you are very, very sure:

1. You will still want to be spending overwhelming majority of your time on children in 1, 2, 5, 10 years at least and will be enjoying it.

2. You are in a position to be consistently spending enough time and effort and other resources on them.

3. You are very confident you will be able to be a good parent, and that you are bringing new life into a good environment that both you and them will enjoy.

You need to be in a very good, stable place both physically and mentally for sure before you even consider it.

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