Live data from Hacker News

How come there’s not an app that’s successful at helping people making friends?

news.ycombinator.com

11–20 of 29 posts

Re: How come there’s not an app that’s successful at helping people making friends?

#11
I met my wife through Yahoo Groups back in 1999. My friend met his wife through Tinder in 2018 and just got married.

They're tiny data points, but I don't think there's a problem with the apps in that respect. You can still find like minded people online and over time form friendships - used to be the way to do it was newsgroups, then forums, now it's probably MeetUps and Discord.

I don't think things have changed, but as I've gotten older (I suspect you're getting older too ;) it has become harder to make friends - which by all accounts is normal.

Re: How come there’s not an app that’s successful at helping people making friends?

#12
I don't think an app can ever overcome the personal and cultural forces at work here. I've seen people who can make great friends over any medium imaginable, and others who remain lonely despite having every opportunity. I don't believe it's the failure of the apps, rather look to the culture to see how friendships are valued and formed.

I see my generation has no value of 'friendship'; friendship as a serious commitment which has benefits and responsibilities. People want a convenient way to not feel too lonely, without giving up an ounce of personal convenience.

I've begun to have a conversation with new people I meet at the first or second meeting, beginning with "what does friendship mean?". Then you can set your expectations at the beginning rather than setting yourself up for disappointment. This will also scare away people who don't want a commitment, so prepare for that.

Aside: I recently noted that Germans seem to have a real value of friendship. I have two german friends who check-in, and plan things on a regular basis, and clearly have a place in their brain reserved for considering how they can build their friendships, and I've heard the same anecdote often. I'm from Quebec originally, and there also saw the huge gap between anglo relationships and francophone ones (francos keep in touch).

Re: How come there’s not an app that’s successful at helping people making friends?

#13

I don't think an app can ever overcome the personal and cultural forces at work here. I've seen people who can make great friends over any medium imaginable, and others who remain lonely despite having every opportunity. I don't believe it's the failure of the apps, rather look to the culture to see how friendships are valued and formed. I see my generation has no value of 'friendship'; friendship as a serious commit…

Yes, I was going to say that making and keeping friends is to do with paying attention to it. If there is an app it is a to do app.

Re: How come there’s not an app that’s successful at helping people making friends?

#16

An 'app' to make friends? It's called going to the pub mate. Not sitting playing with your fondle slab.

Bad advice IMO. One can make friends anywhere. If anything, I'd go to an activity, convention or event that peaks your interest.

Re: How come there’s not an app that’s successful at helping people making friends?

#17

An 'app' to make friends? It's called going to the pub mate. Not sitting playing with your fondle slab.

Bad advice IMO. One can make friends anywhere. If anything, I'd go to an activity, convention or event that peaks your interest.

OK, I facetiously say 'go to the pub' as a metaphor for just going outside and meeting people.

......Though being British, this usually involves us all going for a piss-up at some point or other. (Typical example: what's the point in going mountain bike riding if you don't all cycle past a pub on the way home?)

Re: How come there’s not an app that’s successful at helping people making friends?

#18
Making friends is hard. It's a big commitment for both parties, you have to dedicate quite some time to it, and find common grounds to talk and share things about. It's also harder without some task or activity that can be done together other than chatting/writing. Not to mention having the right mindset for it! I wouldn't find it surprising if it were extremely difficult to be successful at making other people become friends as an objective and focus and not a "side effect" (online videogames, communities, et cetera)

Re: How come there’s not an app that’s successful at helping people making friends?

#20

An 'app' to make friends? It's called going to the pub mate. Not sitting playing with your fondle slab.

I don't know why I am replying to a throwaway account, but anyway....

I can sit in 1,000 pubs for 1,000 hours and not even talk to someone, let alone make a friend.

For some of us, it's just not that easy. The few friends I do have, I somehow acquired 20 years ago, and for some reason they've not got bored of me yet.

Post reply on HN